Andrew, about 20 years ago I was about your age, had young children,and was in the middle of a lot of stress and difficulty. It didn’t actively want to kill myself, but I sure didn’t care too much about living. When I was having dark thoughts, it was only my love for my kids, and my desire not to hurt them, that kept me going. Over time, things got better. Over a lot of time, things got a lot better. That may or may not happen for you, but I thought I’d share. Now, at 54 years old, I wake up every day happy and grateful.
I found this Cyanide and Happiness comic hits the nail on the head.
http://explosm.net/comics/3996
I wish I had something more positive to say. I really, really do. As someone who has fought depression for my entire adult life, my heart goes out to all those who walk in darkness.
My mother shot herself on Easter Sunday, 1980. I was 24 at the time…
I didn’t understand then, but I think I do now. The pain was simply too much for her to bear.
AndrewCD: Suicide won’t help. It won’t make anything better for anyone. Not for you, not for your kids. While you’re alive, there’s hope. Things can get better. Things probably will get better. “The state of man doth change and vary.” Luck always changes.
Be strong, do your duty, love your family, fight for them…and, yes, draw strength from them. Lean on your family as a crutch when you are weak. As the song says, why not let someone else be strong? You’re a team, stronger together than individually.
These are, I know, just platitudes. But life is kinda platitudinous sometimes.
Be the kind of person you would admire. Do the kind of things you would approve of in others.
Suicide is a “final solution.” I believe it is a right. But it’s a terrible one, and it destroys all possible futures, the good ones as well as the bad ones. If you were in screaming pain from untreatable cancer, and only had six months to live, I’d consider it a valid option.
[Quote=Andrew]
Speaking of shopping I’ve been living off cheap tinned goods and can’t afford to give my kids more than fish fingers & alphabet letters for their t most nights. They are bound to be sick of it too.
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Nah. Kids love fish fingers. The main thing they care about is that you’re the one to give it to them.
If you give them fish fingers they won’t think about it. If you kill yourself they’ll think about it every day for the rest of their lives.
You need to talk to someone. You should google the suicide hotline number for your local. I’m sure they will have resources for your health and know who to talk to for more practical ideas too.
It seems like you’re in the UK, AndrewCD, so I Googled “financial crisis help UK”, and got this site: Emergency information - Turn2us
There’s lots of suggested contacts on there depending on your circumstances and location, but do not be afraid to reach out and ask.
You could start a GoFundMe page to ask for help. It might not raise anything, but if it does then bonus.
I wish you all the best, and I hope you don’t resort to a very permanent solution to what seems like a temporary situation. Hang in there.
My BIL’s father killed himself in front of Dan when he was a teen. He walked out on the porch, sat next to Dan, and blew his brains out with a pistol.
Last year Dan’s brother murdered his two kids, his wife, then killed himself.
Dan is an alcoholic who regularly puts away a case of Bud per night and much more when he’s at a bar or a party. I think he’s committing slow-motion suicide, but also worry he may someday follow the examples of his dad and brother with a gun suicide. He’s a “man’s man,” incredibly quiet (which comes across as stoic), and would never, ever go to therapy.
Awful, awful stuff.
Exactly. You’re there for them, you’re working and you’re doing everything you can. Please hang on and ask for help anywhere you can.
My best friend committed suicide 14 years ago when he was 21 years old. His father had also committed suicide, doing it when my friend was 12 years old.
A sophomore in High School’s mother had committed suicide. The sophomore looked for love in the arms of any guy around. On the 1 year anniversary of her mothers suicide, she did the same thing and took about 50 seconals.
I didn’t know her well. One of my good friends was one of the guys with open arms for her. We knew, and teachers knew, that something wasn’t right. I can only hope that if it were to happen all over again, folks would have intervened. RIP.
I have a special needs child and two other daughter that are typical. I can’t imagine leaving any of them to navigate this world without either of their parents (my wife or I). At least not until they are well into adulthood.
Andrew: you’re having a hard time and life may truly suck. But it would be nothing, NOTHING, compared to you whole family having to deal with a father that checked out. You love them, and they need you more than you may be able to admit to yourself. Stick around for them if for nothing else. Good on ya mate.
AndrewCD, I’m flat out begging you, please don’t kill yourself. If you were my father I would so so so want you to stay alive. I don’t feel any sadness about the money problems my family had when I was a child, I just wish I could have had my father.
I have a friend who grew up in the Middle East in an area occupied by terrorists. They and a few other families lived in apartments in a mostly deserted and abandoned apartment building. His father built a special compartment hidden in the wall under the kitchen sink so that his mother could hide and not be raped and kidnapped when terrorists would come, and when the terrorists were not there he and his brother would play in the compartment. It was a fun adventure. You may be having some kind of adult feelings of being a failure, but that’s not what your kids are experiencing. Your kids have a father. They don’t give a rat’s ass about road taxes.
It’d be nice if you felt better about money right now, but don’t kill your poor children’s father over it. Imagine somebody coming to your home, grabbing you and taking you away, and leaving a pile of cash on the kitchen table in your place. Would that be better for your kids? No. It’s only money problems, man! Money’s not worth killing your kid’s father!
Oh Andrew, I am so sorry things are so hard right now. My beloved brother killed himself when he was 35, leaving a wife, 3 children and one more on the way.
We don’t know for sure why he killed himself, but financial worries may have been a piece of it.
Our culture is so hard on men, and hands out so much shame to them. But that shame is bullshit! Your worth is so much greater than your economic output!
You will not always feel the way you feel now! Don’t let a temporary feeling lead you to killing yourself.
Thank you so much to reaching out to us other humans on this message board. It is so hard to ask for help and you have already started.
Follow the link Elianha created, google financial crisis and your location, google suicide hotline and your location.
Sometimes it can all seem very overwhelming. You don’t have to figure out all the solutions to all your problems all at once. It is OK to not know what to do. You just have to take one next step.