What HISTORICAL figure would you assassinate, given the chance?

Karl Marx. Before he wrote anything.

I’d off Sheryl Leach, but she’s still alive, and thus disqualified. :smiley:

The guy who ordered the destruction of the Library of Alexandria. Avoid the whole Dark Ages bit.

It seems you already have! :smiley: Not quite my line of thought though, Skald. I should have specified a pre-Forbidden Fruit assassination, thereby leaving Adam alone and immortal, and giving our planet a totally different timeline. I wonder what he’d be doing now?

I’d what Sayyeed Qutb. While I’m extremely tolerant of others’ personal believes, and all for the expression of ideas, this guy’s lack of tolerance and fundamentalist visions have seemed to plant the whole “jihad” seed which later carried forth into Al Qaeda and other terrorist groups. I’m not saying the West doesn’t have its crackpots, but this guy seemed to pervert the teachings of a religion, and through his execution, be elevated to the equivalent of sainthood, which helped advertise his views even further. I see it along the same lines as Hitler’s ideas do to neo-Nazis now.

Obligatory Wikipedia Link: Sayyid Qutb

Just my two cents.

I’ve tried to think of someone whose death may have interfered with slavery, but it started independently in too many places. I can think of several murderers I’d have offed- Dr. H.H. Holmes, Albert Fish, Manson, etc., but ultimately it would only have saved a handful of people. I’m trying to think of someone whose timely death would have benefitted millions.

I’ve wondered if the assassination of Hitler (as verboten in the OP) would have made the world that much better a place. Certainly the Holocaust probably wouldn’t have happened, but like Iraq in the 1970s Germany required a military strong-man and if it hadn’t been Hitler it probably would have been someone not much less vicious. I’m also assuming that if Stalin is out the Lenin is out.

Perhaps I’d assassinate assassins. If only one then John Wilkes Booth anytime before April 1865 since I think Reconstruction and the rebuilding of relations would have gone a lot better had Lincoln lived (even if only to die of natural causes shortly after as some bio-historians suggest he would have).
For that matter: James Earl Ray, Gavrilo Princip (assassinated the Archduke Ferdinand) or Sirhan Sirhan.

If it needs to be a more political figure, then I’d pay to have an explode-on-impact missile made to look like the ball fired from a dueling pistol and give it to Charles Dickinson, the man who shot Andrew Jackson in the chest in an 1806 duel. The military defeat of the Creeks and Seminoles would have happened with any halfway competent general and perhaps whoever would have arisen to fill the Jacksonian void would not have totally screwed the Indian allies like AJ did, and while the ultimate removal of the Cherokees and Creeks was probably inevitable, but I think most would have handled it at least slightly more humanely.

Thought of him also, but I think he was a hydra head.

That’d be less assassination than mass murder since it was many people in different times. :wink:

Who’d I assassinate? Henry VIII before he divorces Catherine of Aragaon. Just because I’m curious how history would unfold absent all that later unpleasantness.

Great idea. Because Jesus dying a premature violent death would have completely ended Christianity.:smiley:

Nah, I think tensions in Europe were such that it would explode no matter what.

Yeah, stupid economy. He should have left it alone like Hoover did.
As for me, I think I’d go after Eli Whitney. I’m betting the loss of the cotton gin, and resulting lack of economic revitalization of slavery, would have done more to mitigate the Civil War than the possible dearth of interchangeable parts promotion on his part would hurt the North.

You could ice some of his followers who helped set the religion really get going. Saul comes to mind.

(Ach…Telcontar beats me to the punch!)

Let’s see, after that…

•Either Will Hays or Joseph Breen. Maybe I could rig it so it looked like they murdered each other in a lover’s quarrel sparked by a dispute over Abwehr funds they were funneling to Capone, or something.

•M. J. Kelly, the former prostitute turned nationalist radical, and one of the infamous firebrands of the first Irish war of independance, and later the putsch that “reunified” the country only to bring it into the Axis fold. Bloody handed bitch…my mother’s side of the family lost a lot of relatives to the SS Brian Beru’s auto-de-fes, or their vivisectionists. Hell, my great uncle barely flew off the Saratoga before they sank her, only to go down escorting Laggin Dragon to Cork two years later. Fascist bastards bayoneted him when he was still hanging from his chute.

The worst part is, since ol’ “Marie Jeanette” moved around so much and avoided getting her bare face photographed so well, it’d probably be hard to even identify her with enough certainty to assassinate her. The time traveler would probably have to just find a general time and place she was known to have lived in/at, and mow through the rabble of lowlife types she was known to surround herself with, just in hopes of getting her by chance. The whole thing just makes my blood boil…I mean, she was no Hitler or Beria, but if anyone ever deserved a good dose of their own medicine, it was her. :mad:

Is Osama too easy of a choice as well? What about Castro? Im not picking either of them but just curious.

I’d kill Job - just as an FU to God and Satan. Plus, it’d be merciful.
*not that I believe any of this (other than of course time travel…)

Neither of them have died in the last 30 years.

Oh that’s right. Forgot about that rule. :smack:

Leopold II of Belgium.

Back to the dawn of time and blow away the asshole who first invented the concept of religion.

If someone started telling me there was an omnipotent, jeaolous being who knew all and would destroy nonbelievers…and was then abruptly destroyed by a superhumanly clean, tall manlike figure with a magical thunderstick, I think it’d cement the concept of religion very firmly in my consciousness.

The OP says your pick must have croaked, and Osama is unfortunately apparently alive and kicking.

Well he aint raising Cain!

Elvis Presley. He just bugs me.

HTF did I get that far out of synch?