What holidays need serial killers?

St. Swithins Day:
When it rains…blood pours.

Definitely Easter. The cover of the straight-to-VHS could have a guy’s head cracked open like an egg. Plus I’m sure you could fit in some bull about cult sacrifices and resurrection.

This Columbus Day… death discovers YOU!

Arbor Day: drive a stake through the hearts of all who enter.

Website on ths very subject including a referece to Mad Magazine’s “Arbor Day” spoof, which is hilarious.

On New Year’s Day, a woman notices an envelope stuck in her mailbox, which is odd because there’s no mail delivery on Jan 1. It’s a note announcing that at Midnight of the next New Year’s Eve she will be killed.

At first the woman dismisses it as a sick prank; but over the course of the following year a series of disturbing occurances escalating in violence and horror convice first the woman and then the police that a psychotic stalker is indeed planning to kill her.

The police seek to find the maniac before time runs out, even as ever more desperate protection measures fail to shield the intended victim.

It all comes to a conclusion the following New Year’s Eve.

Talk Like a Pirate Day.

“Arrrr; I’m a REAL pirate, lass!”

< stabbity stab stab >

At least Christmas has Silent Night, Deadly Night and its sequels.

Flag Day: Time to salute; time to die.

Guard Your Limbs!!!

Veterans Day

Serving his country, one finger licking piece at a time!

When Johnny comes marching home again…YOU"RE DEAD! YOU"RE DEAD!

Groundhog Day: When you see your shadow. . .it’s six weeks til you die!

Labor Day: Working hard… to kill you!

Guy Fawkes Day. Oh…wait, that’s already got one.

Jamie Lee Curtis’s Birthday.

Martin Luther King Day: You Have A Nightmare…And It’s Coming True.

Eight Deadly Nights

Yom Kippur
Pray For Your Sins

The Eleventh Plague

Pentecost: When Death is spoken, everyone gets the message.

Ash Wednesday: To Dust You Will return.(possibly involving a killer that burns his/her victims)

Dress Down Friday: Prepare to Wash the Blood off your Gap Chinos (I believe it’s program 28 on most domestic washing machines). Those of you turning up in shorts may ignore this advice, because you will be slaughtered out of hand.

Administrative Assistant Day: Sure, she’ll bring you a steaming cup… of acid!