I was talking to a friend of mine who has been married for 5 years. She mentioned that her husband frequently has terrible breath and it can put a damper on her sex drive, but she is too timid to mention it to him. The other day I was reading the Slashdot forums and a poster mentioned that he can’t tell his wife of many years that he likes the game Grand Theft Auto Vice City because she wouldn’t approve of it. I’ve never been married myself, but I just don’t understand this kind of behavior. Maybe it’s because my parents had such an open and honest relationship, but the way I see it if I’m going to bind myself to one person for the rest of my life there shouldn’t be anything that we can’t express to each other.
“Honey, your breath smells like a small rodent crawled into your mouth and died, maybe you should see someone about that, because it’s not one of my turn-ons.”
Or, “Dear, you know I would never harm a fly, but I get a kick out stealing cars and running over pedestrians in a video game, okay?”
I don’t know how you could ever be married for 5 years without being able to day “DAMN baby- you stink! Shower. Soap. Toothpase. Now.”
I exaggerate, but I cannot understand it either. I honestly did not know there were married people out there that were too scared to tell their spouses things like the fact that they stink or that they like to play a certain game. Baffling.
If you mention every single thing that bothers you, it can come across that you are a nagging old bat. I don’t like coming across like that, so confrontations tend not to happen.
Make a few hints if you need to, but why run the risk of making your spouse angry, or overy embarrassed?
If they don’t mention a problem, it’s probably because they’ve used up their gripe quotient for the time being. All gripes come up at some point, trust me.
I’m not even married (yet) and screemette has no issue at all telling me pretty much anything like that.
(example conversation—
Screeme: Hi Honey! I’m home!
<leans over to give hello I’m home peck>
Screemette: Good GOD! Where di you have lunch? Don’t you even think of getting near me with that garlicy mouth.)
I agree, there shouldn’t be an issue with telling each other pretty much anything.
I agree, I think my friend has assertiveness issues. But, It’s one thing to be shy around strangers, it’s something else entirely to be afraid to tell your own spouse what you really think.
I don’t get it either and would rather be single than in a marriage where I’d bitch about my husband to my friends, but not talk to him about what was bothering me.
BUT, it works that way for some people. Not the sort of marriage I’d want, but the only people who’s opinion matters is the two in the marriage, IMO. You know, each to their own and all that.
I can’t imagine being so timid! My husband and I refer to our early times together as “Velamint days.”
Now we have been known to have bad breath battles in the early morning hours where we wrestle and try to breathe open-mouthed directly into the other person’s face.
If the bad breath problem is causing discomfort during sex, that’s kind of important. There are tactful ways to handle it. She is not doing him a favor by keeping quiet. Other people may have noticed too.
That’s weird, man. My wife and I tell each other things that most people would be horrified to even hear. Things so awful I can’t even give an example. But, hey, we’re married, we can do that.
