I did. The lab guy who was obsessed with the victim confessed that he broke into the abandoned house, bit the victim, and drank her blood.
Doesn’t Grissom’s team work the night shift?
I guess I was thinking of the faux vampire one a few weeks ago.
That intense time-consuming prep work you learned in college isn’t necessary with new fancy machines. All that you need to do is badly pipette water across something and test the water.
That water is the only thing needing to be tested that day. (Backlog? We don’t need no stinking backlog!)
That all those fancy machines finish running tests the moment a far-too-pretty-to-do-this-job-in-real-life investigator walks in.
Oops … it was Crossing Jordan :smack: . :smack:
More specifically, being a divorced mom whose ex is dead, and therefore can’t help with the parenting, means you never have to see your daughter.
I acknowledge all of the flaws y’all have listed, but still give CSI a pass on most of them. Some are just necessary for making good television.
Often ranted about, but still:
All computers have a sound assosciated with every task they run, plus a sound to signal that the task is complete. Important tasks merit flashing results.
No one ever has pets with fur. Any blanket used to find that single strand of hair linking the killer to the victim… well, that blanket had only that one hair on it. No dog fur. No cat fur. No hairs from other humans. Nada. Just that one strand.
Not true. The complicated murders only happen early in the week on the east coast and tend toward later in the week as you go west. This means that CSI Bangor (ME) would be on on Sun. CSI Oklahoma city on Wed.(noonish) CSI Nome late Saturday etc.
And when you vacuum a car for trace evidence, you get extactly 1/4 cup of fluffy stuff to pick through. No french fries, or fast-food reciepts, or hair, or dirt or spare change. These people have never had to transport small animals or children.
It’s too hot to investigate crimes during the day in Las Vegas. You must wait until at least “magic hour” if not until after sunset before beginning the case.
Dominatrixes are hot for well-read bug-fancying bachelors who have no other apparent love interests.
That Miami can afford to put all its CSI’s into brand-new H2’s.
All government crime labs are state-of-the-art architectural statements with open spaces, lots of trendy glass and steel, and delicate mood lighting.
They are NOT cramped,sterile, fluorescently lit, cinder block bomb-shelter construction dating to the 60’s or 70’s if you’re lucky.
I hate to say it, but these guys did it sooo much better.
Maybe we just need more time is all.
Well, speaking as a working engineer, this is pretty much spot-on with the real world. A couple of weeks ago I was trying to convince our designers that we had a tolerancing problem (holes in piece A originally built in Kansas weren’t lining up with piece B originally built in Seattle, variances were random over multiple units compared). The designers refused to believe it, because “Everything is modeled and lines up perfectly in the CAD simulation”. Even with the real physical parts in front of them, seeing with their own eyes that there was a misalignment, they were still convinced that the real world could never result that way if CAD said it was ok.
Took me days of meetings and intellectual-bitch-slapping to get them to own up to the need for more flexible tolerances.
Any murder you commit will ultimately prove to have been unnecessary. In fact, it is entirely likely your victim would have died within 24 hours anyway.
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Couples fooling around on a beach are seldom more than 20 seconds away from discovering a hideous corpse
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Every crime scene has three squad cars parked nearby, slightly out of focus and in the background, running their flashing top lights for no reason
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Computers searching for a fingerprint match take about 8 seconds before ping! Perfect match!
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The fingerprint matching software doesn’t just find a match and stop. It displays a funky little animation seq in which the source is lifted, shifted, rotated and adjusted to overlay the target perfectly, finishing with a momentary ‘neon flare’ to emphasise the match
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Lab technicians typically present dry analysis results with the theatrical flair of, say, a magician producing a rabbit from a hat
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Any crime scene or event can be modelled perfectly in hi-res 3-D graphics in about an hour, even scenes for which there is no source data
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No interviews can take place until the sun is low enough to cast rakishly interesting oblique rays through the blinds
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If the killer whomped the vic to death with a shovel, and the shovel is the only thing that can link him to the crime, then he will just toss it in the back of his truck so that 3 weeks later the CSI team can find it there and ‘run it through trace’. He will never think to get rid of the damn thing.
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Murder victims lead fascinatingly convoluted personal lives e.g. victim was cheating on his wife with the girlfriend of his wife’s best friend’s brother’s car mechanic while he (the mechanic) was secretly involved with the wife ten years ago but under a different name, the result of this union being a child who… yada yada yada
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Women with forensic training usually wear lots of lip gloss
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Women investigating crime scenes usually strip down to tight-fitting, low-cut white gym tops
All murder suspects are consummate actors, able to emote realistically, at will, over the loss of their child/mate/whatever … until the moment they’re revealed to be the killer, at which point they completely drop the act, even before official charges are filed.
Furries never take their masks off, even to puke in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night. Corrolary: furry heads actually have a hole in the mouth part through which to do this.
The astonishing thing is that this really happens. At least once a month in our area a murderer is found after a multi-state search. He has the gun, the victim’s credit cards, and clothing with spots of the victim’s blood in his car. (Some are actually driving the victim’s car!) All days to weeks after the crime. They all claim “set up” during the trial by the way.
So I’d guesstimate that there’s around 100 murders committed each year in the US where the perp keeps the shovel in the back of his truck.
What I learned from CSI? Naked female breasts are okay on network TV if the actress is pretending to be dead. Maybe Janet Jackson should have feigned a massive heart attack before the “wardrobe malfunction.”
Ironically enough, I ran into a local CSI at a camera shop a couple days back. He was dropping off a bunch of disposable cameras for developing. I said to him, jokingly, “Hey, on that CSI TV show, they always use Nikon and Canon Digital SLRs or the new Sony 8 MegaPixels…you guys get stuck with disposable cameras?”
He laughed and said, “Naw, we have the fancy cameras too…we pass the disposables out to the uniformed cops. They’d break our nice cameras if we let them use them.”
Every CSI is a master of all aspects of forensic science, except for the concepts behind what the other CSI’s are doing. Thus, each CSI must explain everything in detail to his or her collegues.
Invading a someone’s personal space and whispering, “The evidence will show us who the real criminal is,” scares a man who killed his business partner, but somhow comforts a little girl who’s just had her whole family killed. (Caruso uses this creepy ‘acting technique’ in any and all situations.)