Psychiatrists, save those employed by the State, are most often twisted manipulators and predators who should be avoided at all costs.
When all else fails, travel to Baltimore and talk to Detective John Munch et al.
Likewise, if you work in the DA’s office, you’ll know when a suspect is telling the truth, because ominous strings will start playing under his or her tearful confession…
Emergency room doctors will blab anything to the cops about any and all of their patients without warrants being mentioned or even thought of, and they’ll be able to remember every tiny little detail of the random guy they treated at four in the morning three months ago without looking anything up.
I really want to see one of these threads for CSI.
Follow the money.
If you live in a **Law & Order ** world, never ever push your maid of the balcony. Some old woman is bound to notice.
And so it shall be.
That if the psychiatrist doesn’t like you, he’ll burn a swastika into your ass!
Oh, wait, that’s a crossover.
If you are a detective, and at a loss as to who the murderer is, consult the listing for your case in the TV Guide. It will clear things up right away. To look good on the job, go through the motions of questioning a bunch of people.
Lawyers will quietly sit/stand by while the chubby guy from “Full Metal Jacket” verbally and even physically messes with their client in the interogation room.
Sheesh!
If you’re partnered with Lenny Briscoe, watch out. Most likely your career will end up in the toilet because you will punch out a prominant politician on camera or your spouse will end up with a severely debilitating illness.
If someone looks familiar, rest assured you don’t know them. They just look like that person, but they’re someone else.
If you’re the DA, once in trial all your evidence will be thrown out, your witnesses discredited, and your only remaining opportunity will be to get a confession or major screw up by the accused during cross examination.
But don’t worry! No one ever goes through a deposition before trial and defense attorneys never prepare the accused for tough questions–so they’re an easy target. Just get them mad. They always confess when they’re mad.
This being a Law and Order thread, I’m surprised you didn’t know that Detective Munch is now working right in New York City! 
What I learned from “Law and Order”: poor people never commit murders. Murders are always committed by millionaires, usually for politically incorrect reasons.
That or “Doink Doink!”
No matter what the circumstances of the crime, the witness will always pick the right suspect out of the line-up.
If you’re suspected of a murder, and you are the guilty party, take your trash with you when you leave your meeting with the detectives so they don’t get your DNA from the tissue/straw/etc.
[highly esoteric]
When you are the police lieutentant charged with convening a lineup so that a witness can identify a teenager whose most distinguishing memorable feature is a high school varsity jacket, be sure that everyone in the lineup is wearing the exact same jacket – no matter how difficult the task of getting enough of one school’s jacket for this purpose happens to be – or the judge will throw out the witness ID.
When committing a murder, take any and all parking permit hangtags off of your rearview mirror.
Don’t fake your own attack, because you will end up dead.
If your judge is a sardonic woman with frizzy dark hair and glasses on the end of her nose, you’re going to be sarcasm-ed straight to no bail. If your judge is a short, Jewish redheaded lady, you’re in like Flynn. If it’s the balding, chubby man with glasses on the end of his nose, all bets are off.
If you are physically disabled, addicted or mentally disabled, you didn’t commit the crime you are accused of committing, no matter if you think you did. If you are mentally ill, it’s a 50/50 shot.
Beware Elizabeth Olivet. She can psychologically profile you down to what you ate for breakfast without having ever met you. Emil Skoda probably could too, but he won’t. Better ethics? Or just that he was never in (unrequited) love with a detective at the 2-7? Hard to tell.
Hotheaded Irish detectives like to wear plaid neckties.
Beware red helmets.
Religious people are untrustworthy. Especially if they are from a non-mainstream religion or if they’re a former Catholic religious/clergy who has been defrocked or has left their order because it wasn’t intense enough for them.
If Ben Stone calls you sir, you’re dead meat. If he does it while polishing his eyeglasses, you’re not just dead meat, you’re dead meat that’s gonna get fed to a dog.
Nothing good ever happens on a roof. Or an abandoned lot. Or a building site in an outer borough.
If you’re a DA, take the time to read up on collateral estoppel.
[/esoteric]
Oh, I know that. I was referring to the crossovers they used to do with Homicide.
Dead bodies are always found by someone stumbling over them. No one ever gets found because their friends come looking for them when they didn’t show up for work.
Never cooperate with the police. If a cop wants to know if I’m a homo sapiens, my answer will be “Speak to my attorney.”