You all know the fable of the ant and the grasshopper, I’m sure. Right now, two of my cousins are living it in Real Life, and needless to say, it’s creating a lot of dissension in the larger family.
Situation: start with two brothers, who started out more or less equal in life. As in, they had what seemed like similar IQs, similar appearances, similar amounts of talents and social graces and so forth. Not twins, but they are only 20 months apart in age. Both graduated from 4-year colleges mostly on their parent’s dime. Both took typical entry-level jobs, and both married their college girlfriends within a year or so of graduation.
After that, though…
Brother Grasshopper and his wife always had as good a time as their income would allow. She had weekly appointments for manicures and hair care, he indulged in several expensive hobbies. Both of them kept extensive wardrobes, went on expensive vacations, dined out almost every night, drank only premium booze, and so forth. They bought a new car each year: replacing his car one year, hers the next. Biggest cost: they lived in the ritziest apartments and condos they could possibly afford, until they finally bought the best house they could swing on one of those really creative no money down, don’t even pay the whole interest mortgages. Basically they spent every cent they got, and more besides, but all was well…until he lost his job in a merger and hasn’t been able to find a comparable one for over a year now. Their credit is maxed and they basically have no money in the bank. (What he earns at a much lower-level job won’t cover the monthly bills let alone the back log.) Both cars have been repoed (and sold for less than the outstanding debt on them, and they are now looking at foreclosure on the house. It really looks grim for them.
Brother Ant and his wife always made a point out of living WELL below their means. Not shopping at Good Will and getting their groceries at the Dented Can store level, but things like keeping their cars for seven years and more, eating mostly at home, taking modest vacations. They bought a ‘starter’ home as soon as they could, and never traded up. They have the house completely paid off, ditto their cars, and they have built up a substantial amount of savings. Basically they are sitting pretty.
Brother Grasshopper is now asking Brother Ant for help. How much, if anything, should they give him?
See, yes, the Ants could catch up the Grasshopper’s mortgage payments, and pay off the credit cards, too. But the thing is, the Ants had a plan and have kept to it for three decades. They worked hard and spent little so they could amass enough money to let them retire early and then indulge in the travel and such that they’d denied themselves before, and still be confident that they’d have enough funds to keep them comfortable for the rest of their lives. If they bail out the Grasshoppers, they face a hard choice:
They could put off their retirement for maybe five years, maybe even longer to get them back to the equivalent financial status. But that’s five years out of their retirement lifetime, and who’s to say how long they both will stay healthy enough to work, let alone enjoy travel?
They could retire on schedule, but have to continue to live their frugal lifestyle, with no ‘payoff’ from all their years of self-denial.
They could retire on schedule and travel…and hope like hell they both die early enough not to end up living on just Social Security. 
Mr. Ant doesn’t want to have to chose any of the above, but he feels that he simply can’t allow the Grasshoppers to freeze in the cold, as it were.
Mrs. Ant hates the idea of having to settle for any of the above choices. She deprived herself of a lot of things she’d have liked to have had or done over the years for the sake of this wonderful retirement. She says giving any large amount of money to the Grasshoppers means the Grasshoppers got to have the pleasure of ALL the luxuries that BOTH household’s incomes could stretch to, leaving the Ants to have had all the work and none of the pleasures.
Personally I sympathize with Mrs. Ant, but some of that is no doubt because Mrs. Grasshopper has always been a real bitch about showing off her latest toys to the whole family and rubbing it in that THEY have this wonderful lifestyle while the rest of us live like peons in comparison.
Anyway…what say you? Should the Grasshoppers be left to scrabble along as best they could? (Let’s face it, they really wouldn’t be out in the cold. More like bankruptcy, loss of house and furnishings, then the much reduced lifestyle that Mr. Ant’s current salary can handle.)
Or would it be unforgivably selfish for the Ants to, metaphorically speaking, simply wave goodbye as they set off on a cruise while the debt collector hounds close in on the Grasshoppers?