[QUOTE=Otto]
Regardless of what shows or channels, all programming would be on demand. No more of this waiting for things to come on or watching them when The Man says to watch them or having to choose between three or four different good things because they’re scheduled directly across from each other. Access to all extant programming from the history of television.
[/QUOTE]
That will likely come to pass sometime in the next 20-30 years actually…
[QUOTE=Sublight]
I like the format Evil Captor has suggested, but I have two additions:
Ken Burns gets his own channel, plus an unlimited budget.
We need a “blowing shit up” channel. This may already exist in America, but the selection in Japan is sorely lacking.
[/QUOTE]
Newscaster: Well, it’s just after eight o’clock, and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.
(the penguin explodes)
First Pepperpot: 'Ow did 'e know that was going to happen?!
Newscaster: It was an inspired guess. And now…
[QUOTE=silenus]
Alton Brown nude, all the time (for the wife, to promote domestic harmony)
[/quote]
I’d watch that!
And because I’m not a real girly-girl, I’d watch this one, too.
Conjectures — The ongoing drama of intellectual life in a graduate school philosophy cohort, with long slow suspenseful plot trajectories involving “volition”, “goodness”, “meaning”, and “awareness”, including strategic planning for how to handle impromptu debates when they occur in class.
The Practice — A ten-year documentary on the history of western medicine, its discoveries, the development of cures, the rise of hospitals and medical schools, the successes in combatting infectious diseases, the challenges of today, etc.
Lone Urban Survivor — A reality show in which 10 contestants are dumped in the slums of 10 major cities where they do not speak the common languages, with no financial resources, no proof of identity, and forbidden to contact anyone they’ve ever had prior contact with. No teams, they compete with each other to make something of themselves and their situation.
Making Sausages —A drama focusing on a small group of politicians newly elected to the US House of Representatives, with supporting cast representing old hands, lobbyists, etc; (Not vastly unlike West Wing, actually, but focusing on the legislative branch)
Kilo — A program modeled after a news program except that instead of focusing on events that have unfolded in the last few hours, it attempts to ‘take notice’ of the events of the last millennium and report on their impact, with historians, anthropologists, archeologists, classical literature experts, and others dwelling on the subject, plus viewer call-in / write-in responses etc.
[QUOTE=DanBlather]
It’s hard to imagine any show other than “The View” that wouldn’t be improved by more nudity.
[/QUOTE]
Golden Girls?
[QUOTE=silenus]
A channel of nothing but birds for my cats
[/QUOTE]
Ah…get a bird feeder and hang it outside the window. That IS television for cats. Mine are in danger of becoming…err…rug potatoes? The only difference being couch potatoes don’t periotically run headlong into the the TV.
[QUOTE=AHunter3Kilo — A program modeled after a news program except that instead of focusing on events that have unfolded in the last few hours, it attempts to ‘take notice’ of the events of the last millennium and report on their impact, with historians, anthropologists, archeologists, classical literature experts, and others dwelling on the subject, plus viewer call-in / write-in responses etc.[/QUOTE]
I think something like this has already been done in some format or other … radio maybe? … with ‘you are there’ reporting of historical events.
[QUOTE=DanBlather]
It’s hard to imagine any show other than “The View” that wouldn’t be improved by more nudity.
[/QUOTE]
-The O’Reilly Factor
-60 Minutes
-The Osbournes (is that still on, actually?)
-Jerry Springer
-The 700 Club
-EWTN
Need I go on?
Controlling the media is part of my plan for world domination–yeah, I know Skald was dominating the world first, but it sounds fun and I wanna do it too…
In any event, the following are out:
The following are in:
Three channels.
Channel 1) I’d keep a shopping channel, but there would be a slight change.
After someone bought super blue stuff or a sweater with sequins and kitty cat applique, or pretzels filled with potato chips and cheese, or a Dale Earnhardt memorial car with 14 carat plastic, a camera crew would arrive at the purchaser’s house and someone like George Carlin or Dennis Miller would just savage the person on camera for like 20 minutes for wasting their money on stupid junk.
Channel 2) This would just be dramas, comedies, and serials that HBO chose to produce.
Channel 3) An NFL game starting at 6:30 pm, and ending at 9:30 pm every night of the week except Saturdays. Saturdays would be boxing and/or the week’s highlights from my shopping channel. I’d get home from work, exercise, make dinner, and then watch football.
So my idea of having a Ken Burns documentary, hosted by John Stewart, on naked women blowing up starships is a ratings winner.
[QUOTE=Little Nemo]
So my idea of having a Ken Burns documentary, hosted by John Stewart, on naked women blowing up starships is a ratings winner.
[/QUOTE]
Be fools not to go with that one.
[QUOTE=Little Nemo]
So my idea of having a Ken Burns documentary, hosted by John Stewart, on naked women blowing up starships is a ratings winner.
[/QUOTE]
Be fools not to go with that one.
But I think it was already done. Only it wasn’t a documentary. and there was no Ken Burns or Jon Stewart, and the woman was only half naked. But she WAS Caroline Munro, who looked better half naked than most strippers do full naked.
It was called “Star Crash.” Great film.
I would have Mythbusters at all hours, on all channels.
I would have an all-Wonder Woman channel (showing the 1970s TV show, a modern live-action version, a cartoon version, and commentaries by like-minded Wonder Woman fanatics/fetishists) a “other superheroines” channel for superheroines in general, a “superheroines-in-peril”-themed channel, a women’s wrestling channel, and a chloroform/knockout channel. Maybe a Playboy channel and a Hooters channel too!
Okay, that covers my sexual fetishes! I would also include a history channel, a science channel, science fiction, horror, maybe a specialized “prehistoric movies” channel, a “Lovecraft channel”, a channel devoted to action/adventure series, a “when animals attack” channel.
I think it would be neat to have a medieval/exotic weaponry channel – a “Renaissance Faire” channel! Castles, knights jousting, scholars explaining the design, use and function of various and sundry weapons, the works!
Perhaps a Godzilla channel. A James Bond channel. A comic book channel. I guess I could go on and on… but I will stop for now!
Comedy Central would be nothing but MST3K, stand-up, and the Daily Show/Colbert Report hour.
Food Network pleases me, so it may live as is.
A sci-fi channel devoted directly to series such as Star Trek (any and all incarnations), Babylon 5, Battlestar Galactica, Firefly (which would never have cancelled!), Eureka, etc.
I second a 24/7 Mythbusters channel. This would also have the side effect of satisfying the obvious need for a blowing-shit-up channel.
An anime channel. Sort of like what Cartoon Network does, but with more selection.
I don’t actually need nudity on my TV. That’s what the internet is for. 
I think I would pretty much leave things as-is. Not only does it limit my viewing a little (which is good), but it also occasionally gets me out of my rut as I try things I wouldn’t otherwise have tried.
[QUOTE=BayleDomon]
Food Network pleases me, so it may live as is.
[/QUOTE]
Not on my cable network. FoodTV would go back to having recipe shows (and to get the Evil Captor audience, we’d have attractive female chefs in nothing but their aprons).
AMC would actually play American Movie Classics.
SciFi would be offered in Hi-Def. New shows would be guaranteed a full season, then would be renewed in 2 season increments if they survive. New shows would have to plan for their run to end at that time, provinding closure for fans, if they don’t get a renewal prior to the end of their contract.
HBO and the other cable networks with original programming would be required to dedicate one of their extended channels to replaying the series.
TV Land would remain mostly as-is, but I get to pick the repeats.
Shows off the air more than 5 years would be available for streaming on-line. I know that streamed shows can by downloaded by tech savvy users, but most users still aren’t that tech savvy, and that includes their children.
There would be lots of shows about history and science.
There would be at least one “Blowing Shit Up” channel, and that would be in addition to, not instead of, the Mythbusters channel.
TV Land would not show any shows that I personally remember when they were on the air. Neither would American Movie Classics show any movies that I personally remember when they were in the theaters. It makes me feel OLD when they do that, dammit! There would be channels that would show those shows and movies, but they would not be allowed to have a name that made people feel old.
Skinny people would not be allowed to have cooking shows, unless they could prove that they were skinny because of their metabolism, not because they never eat. How can you trust a recipe that comes from a thin chef?
This is already the case for those of us lucky enough to have Tivo. I love my Tivo- I almost never watch anything on TV live any more.
Under my control, TV would be very different than under Evil Captor’s.
There would be a channel devoted solely to the teen melodramas he’s decried. We’d have the favorites currently on the air like One Tree Hill and The OC. Plus: Everwood season five? We’d have that. Reruns of Fifteen, Eerie Indiana, 24Seven, Being Eve and So Weird? Yup. Where are you going to see season three of Instant Star and season four-five of Strange Days at Blake Holsey? You guessed it - Teen Drama/Scifi Channel. And every Halloween we’d show Marc Summers’ Mystery Magical Special.
Another channel would be the Scifi Shows I Never Really Got To See channel. Brimstone, G vs E, Point Pleasant, The Prisoner, Jake 2.0, True Calling, Special Unit 2, the Others, Hexed, and a few more that I actually did watch but they didn’t air much of like Miracles, Harsh Realm, All Souls, and whatever the hell that show was with the living spaceship and the handy man and the living dead guy.
A third channel would be the Shows I Could Actually Watch With My Parents channel. Picket Fences, Dark Angel, the X-Files, Sisters, Judging Amy, Providence, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, ER, Boston Public, The A-Team, Nightrider, Joan of Arcadia, Grey’s Anatomy, House, CSI. And that’s about all we’d ever show.
There would also be a Horror channel. Just horror movies 24/7. And how about a Holidays channel? Just holiday movies and specials, 365 days a year.
Last, there would also be a Reality Show Channel. And that’s the only channel that would show reality shows.