Here’s a terrible scenario. What if your soon-to-be-ex-husband comes over to discuss the future of your relationship and then ends up raping you. You get pregnant. Having a child has been your wildest dream and you and he never had kids, nor did he really want them, even though you had not been using birth control for the last couple of years of marriage. I would press charges, but then force him to pay for child support. I know this is similar to another thread in progress, but I think it’s different enough to warrant its own thread. What would you do?
Uh…
I pray this is not a “need answer fast” thread.
Nope, just something my sick and paranoid mind dreamed up in advance of a meeting with my estranged spouse tomorrow. He wouldn’t even sleep with me when I wanted him to, sooooo…no worries! 
If you are seriously worried about possible violence, I would arrange to meet him in a public place.
Probably I wouldn’t keep it, although I could give it up for adoption.
Not worried in the least. That’s just where my morbid mind goes, sometimes. I would definitely keep the baby, since that’s what I wanted when we were married; I’d get to have a baby and the financial support I’d need. But, Good Lord, no! I wouldn’t wish this scenario on anyone, myself included! Looking back on this, it seems really warped. Please don’t think that I would want this to happen. Just interested in my own response, as it turns out. At this stage in my life, I’m just trying to find a possible way to have/afford a baby and I’ve probably got about one dried up egg left.
Just a tiny, little, nit-pick. Any financial support would be for the child and child-support would not fully cover the costs of raising the child (most of the time it doesn’t even come close) so you would certainly be less financially well-off than whatever your current situation is. Lots of reasons to keep a child in your hypothetical situation, but financial support isn’t one of them (either for you or the child).
And to continue the picking of nits In the scenario you presented, if you pressed charges for the rape, chances are better than none that ex-husband/father would be in jail/prison at least for a while. Child support accrues while in prison but is not payable, and there are many, many cases of a judge suspending child support altogether until the perpetrator/father is out of prison. So if you were to both press charges and file for child support you’d likely be looking at (1) child support based on your state’s minimum (because Daddy is either in or on his way to prison and has minimum income) that would accrue until his release, doing you little good in the present or (2) no child support ordered or the order being held until Dad’s release.
If you truly need the financial support (for the child) then you’d do better by not pressing charges. But if you were raped, you should press charges.
So you have presented a bit of a damned if you do/damned if you don’t scenario. I guess the best thing to do if the rape itself wasn’t that traumatic for you would be to wait for a few weeks to verify/find out that you are pregnant, then if you are not press charges, and if you are, then file for child support (after the birth of the child). 
One thing too that may or may not present an issue (and I know this is hypothetical so it doesn’t really matter) is that in many states you cannot divorce while pregnant, so if he is your “almost-ex-husband” you may find yourself legally married until after the birth of the child. And as your husband he would be the presumed father so his name would go on the birth certificate etc. (but that could make your child support case much easier). That could be good, because then the child-related issues could be handled as part of the divorce rather than a separate case, but it could be a hindrance because you’d have to stay married to a man who raped you.
Either way, it would be a weird situation. I hope you stay safe, and I would definitely make sure someone is with you. It doesn’t necessarily need to be the police, but even having a friend with you would go a long way as a deterrent if you think this is even the very remotest possibility.
As an aside re: child support; most states have an online calculator that will figure it using that state’s child support formula for you, so you could estimate what theoretical child support would be. Most states have gone to a shared income model (where both mom’s and dad’s income is factored in) but a few states still use a straight percentage with any credits (insurance, etc.) deducted from the total. The highest that I am aware of is 25% of the non-custodial’s income minus the costs associated with visitation (not a factor here I am sure, since he raped you and does not want kids) and medical/dental insurance (just some of the child’s portion, he would not get to deduct any for his own insurance). But most states also have a minimum amount (often $50/month) which is what you’d likely get from an imprisoned father.
Wow! Most interesting. It’s definitely a safe situation. My mind just got to wandering (which is not always a safe situation!) Thanks for the input.
Not humorous in the slightest.
This is what my son went through. His wife got pregnant while he was in Iraq; state law said that they could not divorce until after she had the baby, even though it was physically impossible for the child to be his.
I believe it was sincere concern on smiling bandit’s part.
I honestly don’t know what I’d do in that situation. On one hand, it wouldn’t be like I was raped by a stranger, so keeping it would be a possibility. On the other, it would still be rape and we weren’t really together, so not keeping it would seem like a viable option. Gah, that would be tough. I suppose I’d just have to let my heart lead me.
What? Seriously? What’s the reasoning behind a law like that?
I’m not sure what the reasoning is, but I can vouch for that being true in the state of Texas because it happened to a friend of mine.
I think it has to do with providing for the child. If a child is born to a marriage, the husband is automatically considered the father unless proven otherwise. In my son’s case he had to get a DNA test done on the baby to prove she wasn’t his, or he would have had to pay child support. Obviously he had to wait for her to be born before he could do that.
Personally, I would have an abortion, then later if I felt I was ready to be a single parent I would go to a sperm bank. The last thing I would want is a permanent biological and legal tie to some asshole who raped me, not to mention the psychological weirdness of bearing and raising a child of rape.
But wait - I thought if you were married, you were automatically the father and so he would have had to pay child support.
Unless you prove otherwise. In the divorce argument he uses this (the fact that he is not the father) to show that he shouldn’t pay child support. Sorry for being unclear. I left out some stuff, they are divorcing and the judge (so far) has accepted the DNA results, so that he isn’t liable for child support but also there are no custody issues (since the child isn’t his).
It’s kind of odd to me since the wife never claimed the child to be his, and will freely tell anyone who the father is. However the child was eligible to be on my son’s Tricare medical until the DNA tests were done. I think his Tricare paid for the birth, now that I think about it.
I personally find the idea of enforcing parental responsibilities (like child support) on someone who is denied visitation rights (as a fucking rapist should be) unethical in the extreme. I don’t care if this is being done to the absolute scum of the earth, the precedent is sufficiently onerous that it is 100% worth defending scum.
On a more pragmatic level, the child support payments give the rapist leverage to reassert himself into the lives of the woman and child, and I think all would agree that a rapist should never posess such leverage over his victims.
Not really. He can pay without knowing their contact info or anything.