What if you're wearing a chastity belt, and you're in a car wreck?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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I stumbled across the Web’s selection of chastity belts for sale yesterday, while looking up something for GQ. Now, I’m no stranger to the idea that people like to play with sex toys like this, but what I can’t get out of my head is, what happens if you’ve got yourself locked into one of these and you’re in a car wreck? Your mother always told you, “Wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.”

I did a Search through the thread archives and found Rilchiam’s thread from a year ago, Got a question for ER/medical staff, which addresses the issue of clean underwear, plus DVous Means’ anecdote:

But frilly knickers aren’t quite the same thing as one of these serious industrial-strength chastity belts. And please note that if you scroll down past the pic of the gal, they come in models for guys, too. (I’m heroically ignoring the fact that somewhere there are factories making these, you know. :eek: )

Note to mods: it’s okay, this website is definitely rated G. Nothing I wouldn’t mind my kids seeing, except that it might warp their little minds to discover that adults behave like this. :smiley:
“What’s a chastity belt, Mommy?”
“It’s a contraption to keep from having sex.”
“Umm–whatever happened to 'just say no’?”

Anyway, as if the commercial chastity belts wouldn’t be embarrassing enough in the emergency room (IMO), here’s a guy who’s figured out a way to build one at home for less than $20, using a Rubbermaid wastebasket and PVC pipe. Note: these pics are rated PG, but mainly because it’s definitely mind-bogglingly Gonzo, stupefyingly Weird, but ya still can’t really see anything. The Better Half stood here and stared at it over my shoulder yesterday at lunchtime. He stared and stared. We discussed whether the guy has his penis installed as pointing down or up. We couldn’t decide.

The homemade belt’s designer points out that one reason for making your own chastity belt out of plastic is so you don’t set off metal detectors everywhere you go. Now, I knew people played with these things in the privacy of their homes, but it’s news to me that people wear them out in public. So what happens if you’re in a car wreck and you’re strapped into one of these gonzo contraptions?

And the commercial brands are made of steel, I guess, with locks and shackles. Do the EMTs have to cut it off with a blowtorch, or the Jaws of Life, or what? Or do they just call a locksmith?

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I would like to submit this for the “Most G. Nome-esque Question of the Week” award.

3

Ok, so who had 8 am EST on 5/10/01 as the point in time that DDG officially had too much time on her hands???

(:smiley: - you know I love ya)

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Thanks. The next time I’m in Home Depot buying PVC fittings, I’ll likely laugh my ass off because of this little tidbit of TMI:

[sup]bolding mine**

Had to make it shorter?!?!? :eek:

Did he trim his schlong with the Dremel tool, too? :smiley:

5

I know a lot of women who wear them> one always asks how to get the key.

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And people wonder why the guys in the flying saucers don’t want to talk to us.

I am not referring to DDG here. DDG is a sane and intelligent person whom I hold in the highest regard, but as for Tupperboy there - that boy ain’t right!

[aside] DDG, have you ever revealed the origin of your user name? I ask because I noticed something the other day that brought you immediately to mind. [/aside]

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I thought this was obvious. Jaws of Life, Baby!

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“Somebody call a locksmith!”

“Call a locksmith!”

“Call a locksmith!”

“Call a locksmith!”

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Please tell me it’s pure coincidence that this thread is so close to the thread about your daughter! :wink:

As for the ahem hardware, they call maintenance. Some burly guy from the shop comes down with bolt cutters, and cuts it off.

You can keep the parts.

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You can keep the parts? In what? Formaldehyde?

11

Oh my.

Better yet would be to give the ER staff the remote control unit (about half-way down the belt page under “electric extras”).

12

They need one for the mouth & the butt too…oh also the hands. :slight_smile:

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Think about it, this guy is wearing this homemade one for weeks at a time. His ability to wash certain private parts is severly limited. He is going to smell very potent when he finally allows his wife to remove him from this self-imposed sexual exile.

eeewwwww!!!

14

Power washers, man, power washers.

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Guinastasia wrote:

Congratulations, Mrs. Of Loxley!

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amazing, simply amazing. this brings an entirely new meaning to: “honey, where’s the remote?”

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All I know is, a friend of mine is an RN who works in the ER room of the local hospital. She always says that you should NEVER get in the car to drive when you haven’t visited the bathroom recently. Seems the first thing to go when you have an accident is your bladder control.

She sees all kinds of accident victims, from the mild to the eventually fatal, and she says that no matter HOW badly people are injured, they uniformly are more concerned about the fact that they “wet” themselves than whether they are going to live or die. S’truth…

Fortunately for me, the only time I was ever injured in an auto accident, I didn’t have to go. I can see how humiliating it would have been.

In fact, the only thing worse I can think of is if you wet yourself WEARING a chastity belt. Ugh…cold, clammy, and humiliated. Might short-circuit efforts by the ER staff to treat your REAL problems. They might be laughing too hard to remember their training.

18

It appears that the only bad Mel Brooks movie can be funny… I guess.

19

The penny drops!

There is a clear sighting of this man on this current thread

I am SO clever!!
Redboast

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There’s always the ‘Jaws of Life’ and most ERs have heavy duty wire and bolt cutters.