Tell ya what, Defender, I’ll start saying “colour” and “lory,” and I’ll even start using the metric system for everything, as soon as you fuck wads catch up with the rest of the world and start driving on the correct side of the road.
Mother 'o pearl, casdave, you make cogent points about UK tax history while pissed outta yer gourd and worry about style points? Sir, I salute you. Hell, let me buy you a bottle. Considering the folks who spew bile and idiocy while stone-cold sober…well, would you mind very much if we clone you? Seduce your family, close friends and known associates?
**
[Sally Field voice] You LIKE…ah, phooey. Lame, very lame. [/smothers Sally Field]
- Originally posted by mattk*
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Hey, we’re KNOWN for reason and restraint!
Actually it’s pretty easy to ignore blatant idiots, especially when they don’t even bother to work up enough honest sweat to be original. Shows a pitiful lack of pride and effort, y’know? Sorta like an obscene phone call so boring you doze off right in the middle of it. If a person’s gonna be obnoxious he should at damned least make a decent job of it.
Cheers right back atcha, and your very own bottle as well. (Don’t let casdave see it; he’s happy enough right now. Much more and he’ll be nipping at the vanilla extract and worrying about riparian rights.)
Veb
Hey, I can bait nationalities too! Watch this:
Canadians call them “sidewalks” and “taps,” too. After being in England, I like the way we do things over here. At least we know how to clean our goddamned bathrooms and we don’t litter anymore, neither of which can be said for the English. (At least England doesn’t smell like France, not that that’s saying a lot.) Your newspapers wouldn’t pass muster in a decent Canadian high school. Your TV is mind-bogglingly bad. You drive on the wrong side of the road. Your money’s ugly. And Jesus, is there a store anywhere in England that DOESN’T have a liquor section with winos going in and out at all hours?
Oh, and by the way: The fish and chips isn’t any better in London than it is in Toronto. So the England Good Food Index is still rated at “the absolute shits.” The only edible food in England is at fast food joints, and not only is that not very good anyway, but all the fast food joints are full of German tourists who’ll run you over to get a ketchup packet. Fuckers.
England: A nice place to visit for a short period of time, but you’d have to be fucking nuts to live there. As I told an English guy: “It’s an interesting country, but the reason my ancestors started MY country is because they wanted to get OUT of this dump.”
What, Defender isn’t FROM England? Oh well, it was fun anyway. 
G’day, youse yank drongo bastards. You blokes seem to have a few 'roos loose in the top paddock. 
As far as I can tell, the largest English-speaking country in the world is India. So, looks like the US English isn’t the standard. Ohgoodnessgraciousme!
Get your arses to:
http://www.baracuda.demon.co.uk/tirade.htm for Mad Col’s really cool “Tirade Against Americans”.
Real human beings drive on the left side of the road, or sometimes on the footpath if they are pissed (if you tell me “pissed” means angry, I’ll be really pissed off). The trunk is a thing attached to the front end of an elephant, not the back end of a car, and the place we keep the bodies of loudmouthed American tourists is called the boot.
Congratulations! Most of those are actual English words!
- You obviously didn’t notice that the poster who said this was joking. This is forgivable, as, judging from your opening sentences, you’re probably drunk.
- English is spoken as a second language in India, and even then, only by about 10 million people. If we were going to determine English standard by the number of speakers of that language, the US would be it.
Hmm, a website about how lazy and stupid Americans are. Yeah, that Thomas Edison, what a dullard! And don’t even get me started on Henry Ford. Don’t forget about those layabout do-nothings, the Founding Fathers. :rolleyes: BTW, I’m curious, how many important things have been invented in Australia anyway?
Well, I guess you would know, because, after all, Australians invented cars, … no, wait they didn’t. You know who invented cars? A couple of Germans. (You thought I was going to say Americans, didn’t you?) What side of the road do they drive on in Germany? The right side.
As for “pissed”, I suppose you could also be referring to people who’ve urinated on themselves. Is incontinence a common problem where you live? I wasn’t aware of that.
- What do you call a boot, then? You know, the footwear? And if you call a flashlight a torch, what do you call a torch?
- I know you didn’t mention this, but why are you so proud your words have unnecessary letters in them? Does that superfluous ‘u’ you put in “color” affect how it’s spoken? It doesn’t seem to, or we wouldn’t have dropped it. Why is it there? It’s not very efficient to keep writing all those useless letters. (People who act more efficiently also tend to be more productive and inventive. Just so you know.)
You know, jingoistic barbs can be fun and all, but it’s better when your country has done things of consequence first (Like, for example, Great Britain, Canada, and the Netherlands). Run along now, I think I hear a dingo eating your baby.
Oh yeah, that really hurt. :rolleyes: Sorry, darlin’, but troll insults are an oxymoron…they just don’t stick. Go back to reading your thread and whacking off to the reactions you so lustfully crave. Don’t bother poking at me; I’m done with you. Your type are quite fun to observe as they self-destruct in a whirl of false pretenses, lame insults, and other juvenile antics. I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the show now.
Meanwhile, Coldfire, I am most eager to see where this troll is finally hunted down to…he doesn’t seem to be Serlin-esque, but my guess is that he’s someone who’s been here before. Keep us updated! (And gee, what a surprise that an ineloquent, brash, inflammatory poster is not what he says he is! Oh, the shock!)
Shayna, mmmmmmMMMMM–WAH! I love you, (wo)man! That was a hilarious response! (Franky, I’m booked until well after the wedding myself.) Now boys, calm down. We two lovely ladies are just exchanging a smootch of appreciation…no make out session to follow. (Though it is fun to tease them, eh, girlie?)
Alright, I’m off to pop the popcorn. Shall I get a beer or soda for anyone while I’m up? This promises to be an entertaining show.
All right, I’m stumped. Canada? I mean, it’s a nice enough place and all, but would anyone even notice if it fell off the face of the earth?
Umm, not that I wish to defend the Defender, but he never said he was posting from the UK; everybody else simply assumed he was.
Why? Because we can. We left Merry ole’ England in the first place cuz it was a screwed up place, and wanted to make something better, and speak phonetically so that we didn’t sound like we all had a speech impediment. (Except the south… I have no explanation for southerners).
Have a nice day
Not true…
We kicked your ancestors out of this green and pleasant land, because of their silly accents, constant failing in spelling tests, incredible number of teeth and the preference for elections that last months instead of a day, plus that annoying habit of wearing silly hats all the time. We hoped the time it took to cross the Atlantic by ship would deter you from returning. Unfortunately you produced a couple of boffins, who though it would be nice to revisit the motherland in less than a day, of course we then invented an aircraft to whip you back even quicker. We wait in fear of your next move. 
BTW Protesilaus, over here we had rules of the road long before the invention of the motor car, and are proudly sticking to them, especially as the carrying of swords has become popular again. After visiting Rome though, I fear the Italians are still to make up their minds, on which to side of the road to drive.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by messiah *
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No move to be made. There’s nothing over there that we want now :)… well, maybe the crown jewels… For the love of Pete, after a thousand years, you brits still haven’t managed to even figure out how to cook a piece of meat! I watched “two fat ladies” all the time, not for the humor (we won’t get into british comedy… all I can say is, Benny Hill), or the techniques or the recipes. It was to see what unholy stuff they made each week. A famous British contribution to the culinary world is Welsh Rarebit aka cheese on toast. Nuff said
I can’t think of a thing myself, but Canada must have done something important. I’m sure of it. There’s a bunch of Canadians standing up for their country in the What Americans know and Canadians just don’t get thread, maybe they’re reading this and can fill us in. In fact, after quickly skimming this thread again, I see there’s at least two Canadians already here. Little help, guys?
Yeah, but you guys also have a long and rich heritage in your country that makes it okay to hold onto traditions that don’t really make much sense to others but would be a big deal to change. It’s like us consistently refusing the metric system.
Eh, my point was not the difference between “burra” and “borough”. My point was that in the U.S., it would be pronounced “burg”, with a hard terminal “g”. As in PittsBURGH.
Right, I know that–
http://www.atuk.co.uk/city-links/birmingham.htm
–but every travel book I ever read pointed out that in order to avoid sounding like a complete tourist, one should use “Brum” instead of the American “Birm-ing-ham”.
I have been watching tapes of Fawlty Towers this week, and Basil (and everybody else) consistently pronounces it to rhyme with “dorky”.
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When I hear David Attenborough pronounce it, it sure sounds like he’s saying “Norfuck” and “Suffuck”. Or does he just have an unusually plummy Oxbridge accent?
I’m not talking about the “l” sound, I’m talking about the way an American would pronounce it “Norfoke” and “Suffoke”, with a long “o”.
Dang! [smacks self in forehead] And Richard III is my favorite movie, too! Both versions!
Well, hey, we’d notice! That’s our attic up there! You think we wouldn’t notice if the whole attic suddenly disappeared? Besides, then we’d look so unbalanced, on the globe, you know, without that nice big land mass on the top balancing the South and Southwest, with Mexico underneath us. It’d be like a woman with wide hips who always wears really big hats for balance, you know? So one day she goes out without the hat and whoa! Look at that butt!
So we need Canada to help us look good.
First off, let me say that I think The Loaded Dog was speaking in jest, so as to take a stab at the OP’s idiocy. Hell, it made me laugh.
But having said that, I would like to learn about all the great things that The Netherlands have done for the world. Because I really can’t think of anything major, unless you count Apartheid, slave transports, brutal oppression of colonies, and the like, as good things. Hell, a few hookers and the odd joint don’t make up for that shit, as far as we’re taking everything into consideration.
Actually, metric system refusal is one thing that Brits and Yanks can see eye to eye on. But at least the US government isn’t prosecuting merchants that won’t use it
Coldy, the Netherlands gave us you, didn’t it?
And this is a good thing??
:Whoosh:
I guess I missed that. :o My apologies to TheLoadedDog for taking his/her post too seriously. I was kind of half-joking around too, I mean, “You’re probably drunk”, “I think I hear a dingo eating your baby”, “Is incontinence a common problem where you live?” Overly acerbic, but meant in jest. Once again, my apologies to TLD if he/she took me too seriously.
That said, I will come up with a list of Valuable Contributions of the Netherlands and its People.
(It may also have lots of Unnecessary Capital Letters.)
Can’t wait.
Netherlands contributions?
Introduced ketchup to Europe.
Introduced Rijstafel to Europe.
Gin.
Several decent beers. (Probably should have been point #1)
Provided abject example of investing in a “bubble” market.
Gave the Hudson Valley a lot neater names than if that area had been settled by the Brits. (Can you imagine the Cotton Club being located in Brighton? How about those old movies about the “Tree Garden Boys” with Huntz Hall?)