If a male in a stable relationship is approached by a “homewrecker” type of woman, what’s the best way to smoothly reject the advances?
I’d be concerned about being too harsh in case that would hurt her pride and turn her into a “woman scorned” who wants revenge. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want to be too indulgent and accidentally give mixed signals or put myself in a compromising looking position. (So I’d actually prefer to duck out of the way and have my female partner do the dirty work of telling the other woman to get lost!) Any opinions or anecdotes?
Fwiw, in my experience women - generally - are very good after receiving a direct request to back of. I guess it comes from years of being on the other end.
This. I’ve definitely used the “painfully, utterly oblivious to her advances” card before. Act like you don’t have gonads and aren’t aware anyone else does.
No stealth bragging intended, LOL. I’m not talking about someone making an X-rated proposition, but more like someone coming on with a lot of small talk that gets increasingly personal until it crosses into dangerous territory (“what’s your number, can I text you tomorrow?”, etc.) I guess it might sound like a “man bites dog” story but it does happen, for example at holiday parties with alcohol.
I wouldn’t expect that to actually happen for real … just meant that it would save me from having to figure out what to say.
Not bad but I was hoping to make that statement without coming out and saying it that bluntly!
Has she actually announced her intent, or is she just flirting and hinting?
If the latter, be prepared to be made to look a dick if you’re too quick to say “no thanks” - because if she’s not explicitly said anything, she can play the “OMG, you think I feel like that?!?!” card.
Yes, you hit the nail on the head. I’m talking about heavy flirting but without a blunt proposition … I didn’t think a “begone, ye wench” approach was exactly appropriate.
Yeah, could be a problem then - you try to shut it down, she’ll plead complete innocence, making you look like an asshole for assuming.
What might work is to comment on individual incidents of flirting - i.e. “I don’t like it when you touch me/talk to me like that”, or “I don’t think my wife would like me having this conversation, so let’s stop”, or whatever fits.
Usually when one person is flirting and the other refuses to reciprocate, it’s a pretty clear signal of non-interest. Are you engaging with her flirty behavior? Sending mixed signals? Do you enjoy the attention, even if you have no intention of dating her?
Women solved that problem eons ago by memorizing the number of a local funeral home, oil change joint or pizza parlor.
So many years ago my friends and I were at a party. One of my friends was downstairs and a guy started hitting on her. The pickup line he used - possibly the best in the history of pickup lines - was “want to see me open this beer bottle with my dick” - My friend squwee’d in the most adorable fashion and then said “hold on, my boyfriend HAS to see THIS” ran off before the guy could blink and brought down her boyfriend (big, fit sort of guy) who says “OK, show me.”
If you are at a party and your wife is present, use her to shield you - bring her into the conversation - even if it means walking your new friend over to her and say “honey, Becky here was just telling me about this great new restaurant she thinks we should go to.” (Or, you have to see this guy open a beer bottle!). If your wife isn’t present, you use a friend - flirting can’t get too out of hand in a crowd, and if it starts to, make your excuses and leave - the bathroom or a drink before joining a DIFFERENT conversation works.
Honestly, no. I might have felt like that back in college, but now my overriding feeling is simply a desire to be nice to everyone but staying out of trouble. (Plus, there are some real skanks out there)
When you’re alone with her, in your best Dustin Hoffman voice, say, “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.”
And I’m serious, although the reference probably is now too obscure for those under 50. I used the line about 30 years, ago, the one time I was in that situation.
If you were only imagining the whole thing, it’s laughed off.
If the women is serious, then she’ll take that as an opportunity to be direct, in which case you can deal with it directly.
Worst thing is to not confront it. Second worst thing is to confront it and be wrong about her intentions.
