I was rather fond of mine, even though when I turned on the heat the inside would fill with gas fumes, the horn would emit a low “Roadrunner”-like groan (“mmmmbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep”) whenever I made a right turn and the engine would backfire like an M-16 when I slowed down doing more than 35 mph.
Ah yes! I had a 1984 Chevy Citation! You are right, the whole line should have been recalled. After awhile, I would put my foot on the gas and it would laugh at me! It stalled whenever I stopped, it was absolutely awful! Plus what was with that radio? What genius decided to put the radio in horizontally? Anybody ever go to a Junk yard for spare parts? Look through the Citations, they’re the only cars that have the radios still inside still in tact.
#1 1986 Jeep Comanche pickup bought used for $3,500, very pretty. Rear wheel drive WTF was I thinking, I lived in NE PA. First, the 3rd day I had it, transmission seal blew, on my first date with a girl I ended up dating all thru college. Smoke billowed as she followed me to the dealer, stopping at every gas station to put in more trans fluid. That fixed, slid off a road in a freak snowstorm, 2am. $60 for towing. Then clipped mirrors with a Chevy pickup on a narrow road. Result; mirror thru driverside windwom, me coverd in glasss, scared shitless. $150. 2 weeks late, goddam transmission dies. $1K, garage tells me rear brakes are going too, but no money to fix. 1 week later, driving to school in a snowstorm, coming down a steep hill. Schoolbus at bottom of hill, across small metal bridge, red flashers on. I think, “oh shit, 2 wheel drive, no rear brakes”, shift into second. Goddam automatic refuses, goes into nuetral. Step tentantively on brake. Swish-ZOOOM-crash. Hello metal bridge-good-bye Comanche.
I actually thougm “damn, it’s still running” when I came to rest. At least I didn’t hit the school bus.
It’s funny how much of this depends on how you feel about the car.
First one: Pick up the carpet and you could watch the road go by your feet, both front and rear seats. Obnoxious loud exhaust (my girlfriend at the time could hear me coming to pick her up when I accelerated away from a stop sign about 1.5 miles from her house), aftermarket tires that were not only bald but too big so that any sizeable bump made them rub against the fenders, AM radio that would only pick up 2 stations, a 3-speed manual transmission that worked but was so worn you couldn’t tell what gear it was in just by feel (you had to know that you had just shifted to 2nd, for instance), sometimes died at stoplights, would only crank the engine over about twice before the battery died so it got roll-started a LOT, and it sucked exhaust fumes into the passenger compartment enough that it would make you light-headed if you didn’t keep a window open. But it was a '65 Mustang fastback, and I loved it completely.
Second: Used car given as a wedding present by my father-in-law, so I HAD to drive it. AM/FM radio that would only work on AM, station presets didn’t work, couldn’t set the clock, on cruise control the speed would gradually decrease so it was useless, the intermittent wipers worked intermittently, it had no power but got crappy gas mileage, was hideous ugly, and ate light bulbs (headlights, tailights, interior lights, you name it) at the rate of about one a month. Died twice because some part of the electrical harness burned out - once I paid to fix it, once I just needed 12 volts somewhere and spliced in a wire from the computer diagnostic harness that happened to have 12 volts on it. It was an '87 Plymouth Sundance, and I hated it as I have no other car before or since. Totalled it in the only serious accident I’ve ever been in, and I think subconciously it may have been on purpose.
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- I had a '79 Plymouth Trail Duster (the Plymouth version of a Dodge Ram), which wouldn’t have been so bad in itself, except that it was only available in this particular body style for a few years. This truck had also been equipped with a factory snowplow package originally, and so had lots of expensive parts that I would later find out were only available from the dealer. The past owners had taken off all the outwardly visible pieces that would have indicated this though, and it was my first vehicle, so I didn’t know any better.
-The heater control valve was cracked. Any US auto parts store can get you about eighty different kinds, none costing more than $20 or so. The one on this truck was completely different from any of them, and the dealer charged $60 for it. I should have seen this as an omen.
-The alternator went bad. A typical alternator costs maybe $35. The replacement mine needed was huge, a couple inches more diameter and three times as long as a regular alternator. A regular alternator wouldn’t fit into the monster alternator’s bracket. Dealer price: ~$410. I scrounged a regular alternator bracket from a junkyard and so managed to put on a regular alternator for $35.
-The transfer case was a somewhat-unusual-variation unit Chrysler had only made for a few years. Replacement parts available from elsewhere were 50% above what a normal NP203 would have cost, and many weren’t, so the transfer case leaked.
-The front axle was, again, basically only a dealer-available part. The knuckle joints were loose. $400 per side. They stayed loose.
-The body panels were rusting out. You know those generic-body-panel companies insurance companies were using, and consumer groups were bitching about? Well, let me put it this way: buy a Trail Duster, and you are guaranteed that it will only have dealer body parts.
-And on, and on, and on, , , , , - MC
- I had a '79 Plymouth Trail Duster (the Plymouth version of a Dodge Ram), which wouldn’t have been so bad in itself, except that it was only available in this particular body style for a few years. This truck had also been equipped with a factory snowplow package originally, and so had lots of expensive parts that I would later find out were only available from the dealer. The past owners had taken off all the outwardly visible pieces that would have indicated this though, and it was my first vehicle, so I didn’t know any better.
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In both cases the oil pumb failed and they seized up -
the Chevy Vega was 2000 miles beyond its 50000 warranty.
It had a firm roof. I remember the ads showed
three or so people standing on the roof.
The english ford (anglia) was cute but not good for
anything more than going from one neighborhood.
Has anyone seen any 58 Anglias? I don’t think they still
exist???
Berdollos
My 81 Camero was pretty cool at first, until the air went out (In Houston), the driver’s side window wouldn’t go down, the roof leaked (In Houston), the electrical system shorted, causeing sparks to leap out of the power windows controls, the speedometer kept going out, the brights indecator started coming on at random, and the horn stopped working.
Other then that, it worked fine.
Except for the engine oscillating revs periodically.
1961 VW, So uniquely bad. (and this is true) I hired a minister to exorcise it. It didn’t work. Cars would go up on lawns, around trees and through hedges to hit my bug. A school bus once backed into my car while it was running jamming the door making it impossible for me to turn it off without breaking a window (passenger-side door had no key operated lock). My breaks caught on fire (never understood that). It would run fine and then, in the middle of a busy intersections, die (caused two accidents). Unique falling patterns would cause large tree limbs to fall on the beastie missing cars directly under the tree, but hitting mine. And on and on…
The final thing for me was a friend parked the car next to the foundry at which he worked and there was an explosion and the front of the car became incased (in cased? encased?) in a glass-like plastic like one of those insects trapped in amber (or whatever it is that insects are trapped in from by-gone eras). I sold him the car for $500.
He wrote me later that a building fell on the car finally ending its evil life.
That is fucking sweet.
When I was in high school in the mid-eighties I had a '75 Camaro with about 170,000 miles on it. It had no seat belts, no heater, no radio, and the interior had been changed from red to black at some point because you could see the red showing through the flaky parts. The push-button on the shifter had long since disappeared so you got jabbed in the thumb by a little metal post every time you needed to shift. The paint had weird runny stains on it, as if someone had poured a corrosive syrup all over it. The rear suspension was completely flat, so the car sat at about a ten degree angle, making it impossible to see over the hood. The intake manifold was leaky, so rapid starts were impossible - made it real interesting trying to merge into traffic. The fuel gauge didn’t work (I only ran out of gas once, due to careful recording of mileage.) My favorite memory is going down the highway on cold mornings with my head out the window in order to see the road, because my breath fogged up the inside of the windshield, and no heater means no defroster. The flywheel had about three teeth left on it, so about 19 cranks out of 20 the starter wouldn’t engage the flywheel and instead of starting the engine, you just got a pleasant whirring noise. Due to a combination of a cheap battery, a weak alternator, and cold weather, I would have to store the battery in a heated garage every night and then install it in the car the next morning, or else there wouldn’t be enough juice to start the engine. Once, the throttle stuck wide open and I had to ride my hand brake for about a mile so I could get home without turning the engine off. God, I miss that car.
- I prefer two wheels, anyhow.
Unfortunately, I had a consultant job that made a car a necessity, and I got a 86 (I think) Citroen BX. It sports the Citroen hydraulic suspension, which is extremely comfortable and pleasant - when it works.
I had four “loss of hydraulic fluid events” - i.e., the car gets lower and lower while the dash lights up like fireworks. Unpleasant. But after replacing the hydraulic pump, the front suspension and most of the hydraulic “return hoses”, the suspension actually worked for months at a time.
The rear exhaust fell off.
The linkage between the gear shift lever and the gearbox broke down while I was driving, giving me the choice between neutral, neutral and neutral. At this point, I was so tuned in to mechanical problems that I didn’t even break a sweat, I just coasted into the nearest sevice station and parked.
The clutch cable broke.
And patriotic German ferrets attacked the cabling when the car was parked in Hamburg.
Not that I’m bitter or anything.
The funny thing was, when the car was in the repair shop, I used my trusty Suzuki motorcycle for customer visits - and the customers for some reason loved having a network consultant run around in leathers. When I arrived by car in my “neat, just short of shirt & tie” outfit, I was ushered to the problem spot and set to work. When I arrived in leathers, I was offered coffee, told grand tales of biking endeavours and given much more leniency. Strange.
S. Norman
Might I also note that my FIAT was NOT a convertible, but rather a 4-door sedan–red. Snazzy, eh? Nothing sexier than a microscopic, 4-door, bright red family sedan with no A/C, a sweaty driver, tiny 12-inch wheels, a whimpy engine, and a genuine artificial naugahyde interior. Oh, yeah, the babes were CLAWING & FIGHTING to get in that baby.
The first was a 72 Vega pos. the whole floor rusted out on both sides. It had four different sized wheels which made winter driving in Michigan REAL fun. No heater. No radio. No wipers. No seatbelts. The whole instrument panel quit working. I drove that thing until the engine seized.
The second was a 76 Chevy van. Ugly green paint that looked like some sort of strange bondo. The linkage was bent and I used to have to beat the hell out of it to get it to shift anywhere near properly. No reverse. Someone was kind enough to hit while it was parked. Found out that when a van is hit in the sliding door, it usually means you have to replace the roof also.
Last was some weird German version of a Ford Capri. No heater (real fun when you live in the mountains in Germany), no radio. The engine seals kept leaking no matter how many times I replaced them so I took it to the Motor Pool and filled the crankcase with 80/90 transfer case oil. No more leaks after that. Smoked like hell too. The U-joint went out 7 times in 2 months. I drove that thing until the linkage rods fell off. I think I got $10 for it when I finally got it to a junkyard.
My first car was an '86 Mercury Cougar. It was an awesome car, except until the automatic transmission stopped working. It was like driving stick, without a stick. If I stopped it at an intersection, stoplight, anywhere really, I’d have to gun it, hear it rev really loud, then it would slow down, and lurch into first. It never got any higher than third, either. Ever been doing 80 on a highway with your engine screaming at you, then have it start billowing smoke so thick you had to pull to the LEFT side of the highway because you couldn’t see shit? Turned out that some part of it just went ker-poot and disintegrated, spraying all kinds of fluids all over. It was a RIOT to drive, and my friends all loved how I could peel out with an automatic transmission. We finally donated it to some health association as a tax write-off. I wish I still had it, because I’d be rev-riding that thing to this day.
I don’t know if I really have any right to post on this thread, since my worst car was actually made in the last decade and never died in the middle of an intersection. It was a 93 Camaro that I got second hand. My dad suspects it was in accident that no one mentioned when we bought it.
It had automatic windows, which are great when they work and absolute crap when they don’t. The driver’s side window broke, and would only roll down a few inches at a time. Roll a few inches, wait a while, roll a few more, wait a while, roll a few inches, finally get enough space to stick arm outside. Getting drive-through food or mailing a letter had to be planned well in advance, and God forbid it should rain.
i am currently the proud owner of a 1988 Pontiac grand Am. It has 212588 miles on the odometer. It idles at such a high rate that is shakes cars that are next to it. The inside of its muffler is so rusted out that is rattles like morraccas. the handles inside the car have disconnected themselves partially from the door, so everyone thinks they are connected until they pull. The seats are duct taped together and covered with seat covers. The trunk doesn’t have a key, because my siter lost it.
the question: Do I win?
No. Replace the engine mounts (cheap) and adjust the idler screw (free) and you’ll get rid of the vibration. If it’s the Quad4, maybe check the balance shafts (if so equipped, some didn’t). Take the door panels off and see if the white plastic hook is connected to the steel door pull arm. If not, pop it back in it’s hole. Viola!
Sorry. I have to say things like that. 
–Tim
eh tu berdollos and xploder?
I too had a '72 Vega. It was a humongous POS. It rusted with wild abandon, the door handles broke off and nearly everything broke on it at one time or another. By the time it was mercifully totalled when a truck turned in front of my hubby it was orange and had black fenders and a brown hood.
My husband was nearly decapitated when the forward opening hood popped open on impact and came thru the windshield and lodged in the back of the driver’s seat at approximately the same level as his neck would have been had he been sitting upright. :eek:
Thanks, Spiney Norman, for the story about your Citroen. I am fascinated by these cars, more because they haven’t been sold in the USA for over 20 years. Do they still have those weird speedometers (the rotating disc)? Also, I understand that the citroens tended to rust out. Anyway, for my worst:
I once owned a 1967 ROVER2000TC sedan. This was trouble from the word go-it leaked oil, coolant, differential oil, etc. it also would not start when it got below 20 F. The starter drive (a “bendix”-style drive-the same as used on the FORD Model A of 1926!) would also jam in cold weather-and just whir away till it caught!
When it ran, it was great-but when it didn’t, it was horrible. I think I pushed it more than I drove it!