Accepting rejection graciously. Sometimes, it just isn’t going to work out: at work, in love, in life, and you have to learn to let it be what it is.
I always try to understand things and overempathize, and that’s not good when things aren’t logical or when you’re in a position that requires you to be emotionally neutral.
This may sound silly, but putting myself first. I had this thing for a while that I would do for other before myself. My friend wanted a scanner and his mom was broke. I was working and just blowing my money away, so I bought him one. Someone needed a day off, I would cancel my plans so that they could go out and do their thing. I would put my feelings and bad day aside to comfort someone else. I did that for years.
It was hard to learn that putting yourself first is actually okay… just had to find the medium of helping people out while doing what is right for me.
Learning when to admit I need help. I’m stubborn and prideful about certain things like money.
Reality sunk in the day I came home to find the lock on my apartment changed and the remainder of my things scattered helplessly around my building’s garbage dumpster.
There’s a whole story there - but the crux of it is - I got evicted because I was too proud and scared to admit that I had gotten in over my head. And rather than either borrow money or move out, I just tried to ignore that the inevitable was about to happen.
On the other hand, once you’ve seen your life scattered in disarray around your feet and realize that you can move on, some things just don’t phase you anymore.
Giving the eulogy at my mother’s funeral.
(In the Hospice the week before she died, she asked me to do it.
Thanks to support from family and friends, I did well - though I was incredibly nervous beforehand.)
Asking people for help. I’d be perfectly happy if I could handle everything myself, but I can’t, and it took me a long time to recognize that. I still don’t like to do it.
Right now signal processing is feeling up there too.
How to regulate my emotions. I used to overreact to everything. I had highly avoidant behavior traits as a result. If someone said somethiing mean to me, I would overgeneralize and conclude that nobody wanted anything to do with me ever, and skip class, call in sick to work, whatever was necessary to avoid confronting those feelings of inadequacy. One bad event was a disaster that would last for days or weeks, long after it actually had any real impact on my life. I was a mental teenager.
This has probably been the greatest challenge of my life – to find myself stranded in a strange environment without my towel and learn to heed the advice DON’T PANIC. I’ve been financially independent since the age of 17, but it hasn’t been until recently that I can proudly, confidently say, ‘‘I am an adult.’’
I am an adult. The greatest challenge of my life was learning how to be one.
The hardest thing I ever had to learn was driving.
Actually it’s still up for debate as to whether I have actually learned.
So I’m off now for a drive out-of-state. Seriously. So I’ll be on the roads, heading north. Just a warning. 
Not coming to NY, are you? Should we stay home?
Heh. No y’all are safe. For now. 
I won’t be going as far as New York. This time.
However, tomorrow afternoon I’ll be in NW D.C., then back to Baltimore on Sunday.
I like to spread the fear around.
Okay, I’m really going now. (Man, I hate driving.)
Learning to love myself and, more specifically, realizing that I don’t have to be funny for people to like me. As a child, I used humor as a defense mechanism. While it indeed served me well, it can also be my own little prison. It’s something I still struggle with at times.
Academically speaking, it’s gotta be kanji (漢字 - SinoJapanese characters) It’s not as difficult as most people claim, but it certainly is time-consuming and oft-frustrating.
Subnetting.
Agreed, and very well said. But I would’nt point that lesson out, since it’s not someting I’ve learned, but something I’m learing – hopefully.
That was probably the second hardest thing… 
I would say to accept the things I cannot change, but I haven’t quite learned that yet.
Old Irish. This language has a singular, dual, and plural, an orthography that defies logic, and infixed pronouns which are sometimes invisible (but still there). And more. So much more. Anyone who boasts about their prowess in Ancient Greek or Latin or Old English or any other piece of cake dead language, I challenge you to learn Old Irish.
Ah, alright.
Here’s a sloppy metaphor for you.
Think of it in terms of Gods and nuns. Or Goddesses and monks. Whichever you prefer.
Say you’re a guy.
Now, most guys have this line of though running through their head that goes something like this: “What do I have to do to get a girl around here? I’ve got a lot to offer. I’m smart, I’ve got money, I’ve got good looks, I’ve got interests, I can cook, I got this, I got that, yadda yadda yadda…And here I am, still single. Bah!”
Now, the commentary for this line of thinking is that the guy here is looking to provide. I think that’s the default thinking for a lot of men out there. They’re looking to shower a woman out there with everything they have. Sometimes you just have a lot of love to give. At a distance, this does look like a relationship between a monk and a Goddess. You have the Goddess, who is beautiful and graceful, and then you have the guy throwing himself at her feet, giving her everything he can, and all the while wailing “I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!”
But here’s the problem with that: Women aren’t looking for a man who throws themselves at their feet. I mean, sure, it feels good to them to get a foot massage and have someone cook for them here and there, but the treatment they’re looking for isn’t exclusive to that. They want someone whose worthy enough that they throw themselves at his feet. They want a fucking God. No one idealizes monks. No one ever says “look at that guy, he has the body of a monk. I’d like a piece of that.” No; because monks are boring. They don’t inspire you and they don’t make you challenge yourself. They making you complacent. “He has the body of a God”, is the compliment. Or, “He’s smarter than God”. Or “He’s a sex God”.
And so I’ve found that it pays to play the part of a God, worthy of revering, respecting, and feeling good about just for being close by. Now don’t get me wrong, none of this means you get big headed or narcissistic. That’s a huge turn off for most people, and if you ask anyone that knows me they’ll tell you that I’m a pretty humble guy. This is still just a metaphor. But you want to put the girl in the position of trying to impress you rather than the other way around. What does she have to offer? What is she interested in? Is she happy? Does she get along with her family? Does she read? If she could have any kind of superpower, what would it be?
You want to be qualifying HER to see if she’s good enough for YOU. In most cases, so does she, because that right there says a lot about you, and as a direct result, says a lot about her. It says that YOU have standards, and that so far she meets them. This makes a girl feel a lot better than a plain compliment she’s heard a thousand times before, because she’s getting approval from someone who holds themselves to a very high standard and she sees that.
It’s the difference between being told that you’re well dressed by a Wallstreet CEO and the by a bum sitting on the curb drinking his own urine.
Alternatively, I believe this all applies to men as well, albeit to a lesser extent since we’re easier. We love women that cater to us, but the ones we call “Goddesses” are the ones whose feet we want to throw ourselves at. The ones who make us go gaga and say “I’d sacrifice one of my very own testicles for a night with her!”
You know…dates can go either way. I used to feel like an asshole for asking qualifying questions to girls during a date. I didn’t want to feel like I was testing anyone, introduce drama into a situation that was supposed to be fun, or make things uncomfortable. But as it turned out, every time I played the part of a “God”, asked my qualifying questions, and put the girl on the spot, all of the pressure was taken off me. Which was wonderful. Better yet, it really did seem to be a turn on for the girls doing the answering. After a while I just sorta went with it and figured “hey, better them than me”. Someone has to deal with the edge, and quite frankly, I think women deal with it a lot better than men do. My girlfriend still occasionally brings up how I asked her on our first date if she was a happy person. She said yes, though she later told me she hadn’t really though about it. She was very impressed that I asked though, and thought that it was a very important question that should really be asked more often.
I think most people want to throw themselves at the feet of something. I don’t know what that says about people, but there sure seems to be something in us that make us want to just totally invest ourselves in something. These feelings can be hardly hard to put down and even harder to put into perspective. But once you get into that idea that everyone really wants to just throw themselves at someone, and that you CAN* play the part, you’ll do a lot better.
*It demands to be said that there’s a bit more to this thank just asking questions. If you’re really going to play the part of a “God” or “Goddess”, you have some living up to do after your funny little questions are done being asked. So while you’re considering all of this as useful advice, also consider developing a sense of style, working out, looking good, learning how to cook, reading a few books, keeping a few good stories from your life on hand for laughs, and never turning down the chance to pick up a new skill.
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How to play the 5-String banjo well in “Scruggs” style. I still haven’t gotten there.
Add me to the organic chemistry club. I got and enjoyed the mechanics side. I never was able to memorize the reactions.
I came in here to say college algebra. I’m still learning, actually. Like you, I’m finally starting to do well now that it has broken me; I’ve quit trying to understand it and I’m just memorizing it. I’ve been hellbent on really grokking the stuff for 15 years now, and I still haven’t found a teacher, instructor, or professor who can explain that, so I gave up. Algebra wins.
I’ve made a big effort to learn how to treat people better. I’m not perfect, but I took a look at the things I would say and realize that I was being a total bitch when it really wasn’t necessary. If I’m arguing with someone, I don’t bring up past grievances. If I offend someone, I suck it up and apologize even if my pride takes a hit. It makes me feel better about myself even if I do have to consciously bite my tongue before making that nasty comment.
That I tend to be a selfish, manipulative ass to the people I care about the most. And that saying “sorry” would undo none of it.