One of the following scenarios happened to me yesterday, and my confoundment at what to do inspired all that follows. Where, if anywhere, do you draw the line in assisting someone in their self-destruction? Are you, in fact, your brother’s keeper – or should you strictly respect your brother’s right as an adult to do any damn thing he pleases?
Set up: You live in an apartment building, are on the ‘casually friendly acquaintance’ level of relations with the man in the next apartment. You know that he is currently having great difficulties getting out and around, for reasons that will be explained in each case. There’s a nasty snowstorm going on, but despite that you are going out to run a bunch of errands. Being a basically kind hearted sort, you pop across the hall, and say, “I’m heading to the stores. Can I pick up anything for you?”
Scenario 1: Bill looks up at you in relief. “Yes!” He fishes a bill out of his pocket. “Get me a six pack of Budweiser, will you? I’m all out.”
Background info: You know Bill is an extremely heavy drinker. He denies being an alcoholic though he admits he’d joined AA several times over the past few years – said he did it only to placate the girlfriend of the moment that he was ‘doing something’ about his drinking. The reason he’s having trouble getting about right now is that last week he wrapped his car around a telephone pole. No one else was hurt, but his car’s still being worked on and he’s got a cast on a broken leg.
Scenario 2: Steve looks up at you with relief on his face. “Yes!” He fishes a bill out of his pocket. “Get me a pack of Camels, will you? I’m all out.”
Background info: Steve has emphysema (I hope I’m spelling that)and a never ending smoker’s cough. In the past he’s confided in you that his doctor has told his his choice is to stop smoking or get his will in order. Despite that, you can’t remember ever having seen the guy without a enveloping cloud of smoke. The reason he’s having trouble getting around right now is that he must keep an oxygen cylinder nearby at all times, and wheeling it through slush and snow is too taxing for him to even try.
Scenario 3: Fred looks up at you with relief on his face. “Yes!” He fishes a bill out of his pocket. “Get me a half-gallon of ice cream, will you? Breyer’s Forbidden Chocolate if they have it.”
Background info: Fred is massively, morbidly obese. Somewhere approaching 400 pounds, or maybe even past it. He’s bitched to you often about all the assorted health problems his weight is causing him – arthritis, heart problems, gall bladder problems, sleep apnea, on and on. Despite that, he continues to pack away massive meals that barely allow time for fitting in snack breaks between them. The reason he’s having trouble getting around right now is that he has to use one of those motorized scooters, and the small wheels cannot handle the snow on the ground.
Scenario 4: George looks up at you with relief on his face. “Yes!” He fishes a bill out of his pocket, picks up a pile of much used lottery betting slips. “Get my numbers entered for me, will you? I just know that today’s the day one of them is going to be a million dollar winner.”
Background info: George lives to gamble, on anything or everything. He used to have a nice job, until he spent too many ‘sick days’ at the race track. He’s lost at least three progressively less well paid jobs since then, each time because he was caught emptying the petty cash or dipping into the till. His wife split with the kids when their house was foreclosed on since he gambled away the mortgage money. He owes child support of course, but he’s more worried about the unspecified sum he owes for sports bets. The reason he’s having trouble getting around right now is that one of his legs got broken last week in some mysterious fashion…
So. What do you do? Is it the same in each case? If not, which of them (Bill the Boozer, Steve the Smoker, Fred the Fatty, George the Gambler) will you buy for, which of them do you refuse, and what distinctions are you drawing?