I’m struggling to think of a most meaningful compliment delivered in the usual fashion. There are quite a few that I remember that all seem about equally tied, but part of the problem is that I shrug off most compliments as being polite but probably not genuine. Words are cheap. Half the time, I don’t even really hear them. I respond much more to actions than to words.
So one of the things that really stands out in my memory came from my results at an Academic Decathlon competition in the essay section. It was a timed essay with no chance to prepare, and I wrote it about a personal experience that was pretty significant to me. When the results were announced, I not only got a perfect 1000 score on it, but I had the only perfect score out of 200 other competitors. Since it was judged by a panel of people who didn’t even know me, it eliminates any chance that they might just be polite.
Another time was when I was teaching a lab section of a class in college. I was an undergraduate myself (in fact, the faculty made an exception - I was the only undergraduate who’d ever been allowed to do that, but that’s not the compliment in the story.) As the class was emptying out one day, a few students were staying being to ask question, etc. As one girl had just left, I turned to a couple of the other girls still waiting and said “Was she flirting with me?” They said yes, but the only response I needed was the look on their faces that said “What, are you a total idiot?! Could she have been more obvious?!” Of course, I was at a point in my life when I really didn’t want a relationship, but the fact that she was interested is still something I remember fondly.
I, too, count myself as one of the reliable people. But the compliment from my boss that really got me was “You’re always so calm and even-tempered”. This, to a person who once had such a severe temper I practically have red hair! I also had a great deal of emotional ups and downs, and now, in my thirties, I am calm and even-tempered. My chin lifts with pride just thinking of how much work I’ve done on myself.
This is a weird one, but I was eating dinner with my SO’s family in a restaurant. They are of Chinese descent, and I am Indian. I’m sure that in their hearts they always wished for two Chinese daughters-in-law, just as my parents wished for an Indian son-in-law. What they got was a white girl and a brown girl. Anyway, as we were sitting there, his dad looked over at me and with real approval and fondness in his voice, said “Mika really knows how to use chopsticks well”.
I know it’s minor, but it was kind of a sign to me that he was finally looking past the fact that I wasn’t Chinese, and just accepting me as part of the family. I was making them look good.
Lastly, my aunt told me “You’re just like your grandfather” (her father) once. My aunt reveres her father. I hold that very close to my heart.
I was my little brother’s best man a bunch of years ago (27?). I was a little nervous about my speech, since I procrastinated and was just going to wing-it when my time came.
At the last minute I thought how well the song Forever Young woulda worked. If only I’d planned ahead, I could have looked up the lyrics, written them down on 3x5s and read them.
Well, I figured a little bit was better than nothing and I stood up and started reciting it line by line. Somehow, I nailed it. By the third/final verse
I had tears running down my face. Then I realized a bunch of people were crying. And hugging each other.
I’m pretty sure it was the only time I’ve made people tear up without worrying someone would take a swing at me.
I feel as if I have had a lot of wonderful compliments over the years that I refused to acknowledge to myself, but a couple weeks ago I was the cantor for a Mass in Germany, attended almost entirely by other choir members and their relatives (about 75 people), and one of them came up later and told me that my singing made her cry.
I had a longtime crush in high school. We were friends, but it was unrecquited love. My brother, in later years, when the subject of the crush came up, would always say, oh is that the guy who is gay? He never acknowledged it, but I took that as him saying, he must be gay if he didn’t like you.
When I was managing a restaurant’s kitchen/inventory - spoken by several of my co-workers who were thanking me for keeping things going even though upper management had kind of…fallen apart? The whole rest of the kitchen needed to have a schedule written and we still had to work through the weekend rush.
“You’re only 23? Bullshit.”
I had a whole staff of people, many 15-20 years my senior, following my lead and example, and it was actually working out well. It was a compliment to me simply because I was so unsure of myself, but afterwards, I knew that I was doing the right thing and working in the right direction, and was displaying experience beyond my years.
We had a young lady that trained with us from early teens up until the time she went away to college. When she came in and started, she was painfully shy and almost had to be pried off mom’s leg to get her out on the floor.
At her testing for Second Degree Black Belt, she went out and put on a show. Beautiful technique on her forms, sparred everyone we sent up against her and wound up totally owning them, and broke her boards first attempt; made it look easy. Total confidence in who she was and what she was able to do.
After the ceremony, her parents came up to us and her mom started to cry. She grabbed us both and hugged us, and said, “Thank you for what you have done for my daughter.”
Needless to say, that choked up both up a little as well.
I’m a regular at one of the mystery dinner theater series in this area. I always go alone, and I’m assigned to a table that isn’t quite full.
On my last visit, when one of the actors came around to the tables (we get to question the characters), she said “Oh, you’ve got HER (pointing at me) at your table? That’s almost cheating.”
In 1975, women were still prohibited from serving on ships in the Navy. I was assigned to a training squadron with a number of other women, and we constantly got grief from the guys for “taking up all the shore billets” as if we had any control over policy and assignments. It didn’t help that some of my female coworkers were too girly to be there - always looking for guys to help them carry stuff, fussing about getting dirty - crap like that. It made it that much harder on those of us who were just trying to do our jobs. In fact, some of us banded together and refused to seek help from the guys as a matter of principle - we helped each other.
I was assigned to a team headed by a guy named Pete - one of the louder complainers in the shop. But I didn’t let it bother me - I did my job the best that I could, and even surprised him when I figured out what was wrong with one system after he swore up and down that it couldn’t be what I said it was. Go me!
One night (we worked mids) after being on his team for several months, we had a little slack time and we were shooting the bull about nothing in particular. Pete said to me “You know, I’d like to serve at sea with you.” Dang - I had cred!! All of a sudden, I wasn’t one of the girls who used the guys - I was one of the team and I’d proven myself. It was truly one of the best compliments I’d ever gotten!
I was young and lovely and very insecure. When you are lovely and blonde and female, a lot of people like to try and prove you are stupid. They’ll jump on any small mistake or anything they don’t understand and just grind you into the dust with it. It’s like you aren’t human. And they don’t know about the six people who have already done that today, they all think it’s their job to “take you down a notch.”
One such meanie was picking on me one day, over something I’d said. Truth was, he didn’t know enough about physics to comprehend it, but he was being quite contemptuous in his response.
A couple of good friends walked up and stood around him, discussing how truly scary smart I am. They explained to this guy that he wasn’t even smart enough to comprehend how smart I am. And the one comment which has come back to me so many times when I was in need of a boost:
“Yeah, I remember the moment I realized just how smart [TC] really is. I must admit I peed a little.”
I had a pretty small part to play doing some internal pre-release testing in a major Government project in the UK. However, because I got my head around a complex delivery process for a critical product, I had also been the Live Implementation Engineer for that product, and had worked closely with the various PMs to refine the plans so that they could get done in tight timescales and correctly. I also had developed the trust of the Live Support Engineers, so they would leave me to get on with the work and not review every step/get in the way.
Seven months ago, I was told my contract at work wasn’t going to be renewed - political factors were in play within the company and they were pushing forward with a relocation plan for my role (but without any replacements suitable to take my position). At the very last minute I was offered another six months - due to my plans to shift back to NZ after the sale of my house, I took it and turned down a new job I had been offered. I later found out that four Project Managers had resubmitted plans to the management each adding several months to their timelines because they had no confidence in the work being completed if I wasn’t involved. That was a compliment.
When I did leave (last week) having completed many of those planned tasks, the fact that one of the PMs had a catch in his voice as he said farewell also spoke volumes.
Once after a pretty big show (I am a performing songwriter) a friend said of my performance: “You cover up your mistakes really well.” That is actually one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten. The ability to recover with insouciant poise is one of the most valuable skills for a performer, and something I had to work hard to master. If I would just play easier material… but no, I’m always pushing it.
when I was teaching, I walked past one of my pupils who was introducing a new pupil to the School. I overheard my pupil say “That’s Mr. Glee. He’s all right.” (remember this is a teenager talking about a teacher - trust me, that was a compliment!)
decades ago, club chess matches quite often involved unfinished games (now we play to a finish on the night.) Usually the strongest player from each team would analyse the unfinished game together and agree a result.
One night there was an unfinished game - but the leading opposition players had already left (probably for a meal!) So as the strongest chap on our team, I asked the inexperienced opposition player whether he’d like my help. “Oh yes” he replied. “I know you’re honest.”
(And after some analysis, he resigned - he was truly lost, but needed to see some analysis.)
Decades ago I was stationed at a remote military site overseas.
Mid-year we had an Operational Readiness Inspection (ORI–I think these are called something else now) and I was the only officer on the mid-shift which was supposed to be the least affected. Anyway, it was a huge ORI, and I ended up being on duty for 48 hours straight. Since I was the only officer on mid shift I was juggling breaking out frags, setting alerts, supervising the shift, barking at the airfield on the phone, and my real job. For one person it was a lot to do. Then in day and evening shift the other officers toddled in and did their bit.
The ORI team mentioned me by name to my commander for my effectiveness. And in the OPSO stood up in the hot-wash and said I was the best officer on the ops floor.
I’ll give my favorite personal and professional ones.
Personal - When I was about 35, I was at a charity function with a friend, his girlfriend, and her younger sister. When the younger sister went to get a drink, another friend came up to me and asked if I was there with her. I replied that she was 21! Friend number 2 says I was 30, so it was ok. I said “30?” She replied “29?” I love that she guessed a lower age… (I take it as a compliment on my attitude, not my looks.)
Professional: I’m a technical lead, and I get involved with a lot of issues at the office. I tend to reach a bit outside of my specific responsibilities, because I think it’s important to know what else is going on around you. I speak up when I see things that don’t seem right. At my last review, my boss told me he loves that I stomp out embers before they become fires.
A new supervisor at my job told me her predecessor had told her that if she were ever stuck in a problem to come talk to me for 20 minutes and I’d give her a fresh perspective.
I thought that was especially nice because I hadn’t really worked directly with either person so they were both going off only how I had interacted with them informally.
My very best friend from high school moved over a 1000 miles away, but we still get together for dinner or drinks whenever she comes home to visit. On a recent visit, she confided in me that she had started to develop a flirtatious relationship with a former college friend of hers (she is currently married with two kids). It had started innocently enough, but she was sort of thinking about/fantasizing about taking it further. Mind you, she knew full well that my (ex)wife had cheated on me and how I felt about that… but I calmly listened to her and basically talked her out of a plan she had to meet with him for drinks because I convinced her that if she was having these feelings it was dangerous to be alone with him. I told her I was concerned that she would end up being hurt and hurting the ones she loved (her husband and children).
As we were parting, she said “You know, I think you might be one of the least judgmental people I’ve ever known. I couldn’t have talked to anyone else about this without getting a lecture about morality. And I really needed to talk about it.”
I’ll take that.
Someone else once told me that I “oozed integrity” which I remember feeling was compliment at the time but I no longer remember the exact context.
I don’t think I have a particular favorite, but the compliments I appreciate most are from good acquaintances. Compliments from strangers are appreciated, but feel a little flat because the person doesn’t really know me (how do they know I wasn’t just being nice that once time?). Compliments from close friends and family are also appreciated, but there’s a bit of a white lie effect that casts a bit of doubt. But from a good acquaintance it feels really genuine: they know me well enough to see my behavior over time, but they also aren’t compelled by politeness to invent something out of the blue. Those are the kind that really make my day.
