‘A’ is for Apple
‘Mystery Murder Sexplosion’ - Delicious
“Oh, they don’t actually have feelings, honey”, my mom said as she pithed the fish on the counter and it flopped and squirmed and squirted grey fluid on my aghast body.
“The day began like any other in the summer countryside, the hills still touched with dew under clear blue skies. A gentle breeze stirred the sunlit curtains.”
Invasion of the Zombie Aliens from Klendathu IV, by wolfpup.
When the violent motion stopped, I was in the back seat and we were upside down, underwater, under the ice.
And it’s a true story.
Dennis
There were fewer people in the park now, so I unbuttoned my shirt and became invisible.
You should have won, or at least gotten a dishonorable mention! That’s delightful. 
Which category?
I don’t remember! And there’s a lot of competition, so I wasn’t disappointed when I didn’t place. But I like my entry, if I do say so myself. I should enter again, but I am not sure I could top the awfulness of my first try.
LOL, I’ll bet you could. And I mean that in a good way! It takes real talent to write a bad Bulwer-Lytton!
“I am the god of hellfire! And I bring you …”
The Outside Inside Dope of Wildland Fire Fighting, by Duckster.
“As he lay broken at the bottom of the ravine, the dying bandit alternated between loudly cursing our ancestors and softly crying for his mother.”
“The Lakelands” a fantasy novel by MrDibble
“The land was once farmland, rich and nourished by nature.”
Sasquatch Road, by Spoons.
As an aside, I seem to recall we have at least one Bulwer-Lytton winner here on the SDMB, and a few honorable mentions as well.
“There’s only one way to catch a dragon, thought Murphy Mason, and that’s by becoming its friend.”
The Dragon’s Deal, by GL