A friend of mine moved into a new apartment. He checked the electricity cupboard, and on top of the meter was a shit-encrusted dildo.
“What did you do with it?” I asked.
“Cleaned it off and used it on the missus,” he replied.
:eek:
A flier I picked up at a cheap hotel in Fiji, which I will reproduce in its entirety except for changing the phone number at the bottom. (Fijian phone numbers have only six digits.)
I was tempted to call the number and complain that I had Sick Without Sickness, or perhaps Russian Fossils, just to see what would happen, but I decided not to risk it as I wasn’t really sure whether the author of the flier was offering to cure these ailments or give them to you.
No problemo. It sounded nifty, and I just had to find a picture. I want one now. Especially if they have a briefcase version!
As for sheer strangeness in and of itself, I’d have to say a big, dead beetle. Inside a syringe. Inside a condom. Inside a jar. Inside a small box. Found in a field at the age of 10.
The second one is only strange because of the circumstances. I was visiting Fire Island once, and I was a fairly new swimmer (I believe I was 12). My mom wasn’t watching me, and I went a little too far out, without my life vest on. I was swept up, and dragged along the bottom for awhile, and thrown above the water, and dragged along again. At one point, I opened my mouth to shout, and something shot into my mouth, lightly bruising my gums. When I got out of the water, and spit it out, it was a cap from a bottle of some sort of beverage. On it was written, in bold print, “SHAKE WELL.”
On the same beach, I also found a big jug of pink, gooey stuff that smelled like death. Any theories on that one?
My friend bought a house, and in the attic found a super-8 projector with a tape inside it.
The tape was called “Anal Dwarf”. It featured “stature-challenged” gentlemen engaged in activites which need no further description. :eek:
Tripping is the term used to describe an LSD high. In my day the expression was “tripping face,” and it essentially means tripping hard, or at the peak of the high (which builds up for the first 45 minutes or so to the peak, which lasts for some time, and then gradually dies down over an 8+ hour period). LSD is a liquid and is usually “blotted” onto strips of paper or sugar cubes for ease of handling and usage. There are countless “brand” names, Gooney Bird seeming to be one of them (though perhaps it’s just a slang term for LSD), generally taken from the style of paper blotted, e.g. “Pink Panther Blotter” had a little image of the Pink Panther on the piece of paper.
I just have to say, this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. I laughed out loud for 10 minutes and I think my neighbors may be wondering about my sanity 
My contribution to the OP:
-Two recently severed cow’s heads along unused railroad tracks, miles away from any farm or slaughterhouse. Two friends that were with me each claimed one and both proceeded to try and make ashtrays or candleholders or somesuch out of them. It was a gory chore getting them to their respective houses let me tell you.
-An old workglove roughly discarded on the same railroad tracks with all of its fingers tucked or bent away except the middle one. My friends and I named him Joshua the Angry Glove and spent countless hours giving him a history to determine why he was so angry. Hey, whaddya want, how do you think I knew about blotter acid?
-A homeless man complaining of a lack of feeling in his legs. When the paramedics arrived it was discovered that it was because they were both gangrenous, complete with living maggots.
-A bloody and torn up sneaker about a mile down the tracks (different ones than above) from where two drunk teens had been hit by a train the night before.
-A dead racoon that was apparently hit by a train, as it was neatly cut into two pieces on either side of a rail. What was interesting was that it seemed two warring colonies of ants had each claimed a half of the animal and spent equal time eating and fighting. Well, I guess it isn’t all that interesting, but it kept my friends and I enthralled for quite some time.
I just realized now that I seem to have spent an inordinate amount of time on or around railroad tracks when I was younger and that that’s where all the weird things seemed to have happened.
MidnightRadio I do know Grandma’s Attic, on the truck route, right? It seems like they went out of business recently, but I’m not sure. My friend goes to the high school in town - I just graduated this year - but I spent some time at NEO taking concurrent enrollment classes.
Let’s see… used condoms, a Pokemon keychain, A swiss army knife, a table lamp, a television, a shoe. Nothing too interesting.
I went into my backyard and found my dog chewing on a cat. The cat was still alive and hissing, but when I shoed my dog away, I found that (somehow) rigor mortis had already begun to set in. I picked up the dying cat and it was as stiff as a board. I promptly “took care of it” and dug a very deep hole.
I work in a bookstore and someone found (inside a used book) a large (8 1/2 by 11) photo of a man in his forties or fifties (slightly graying hair) lying on a deck chair in shorts and a t-shirt, with an erect penis sticking out of his pants. I’m sure he would’ve been mortified if he knew we were all passing it around and laughing — not that he looked bad per se, it was just bizarre.
oh, and it was found in an oversized gardening book.
In McDonald’s, an organizer with very little written in it. The only thing indicating the identity of the owner was a HIP card belonging to a Mr. Varlos Z. Brathwaite (look to the left).
I tracked him down through HIP and got the organizer to his wife the next day. In exchange, I’ve assumed the use of his name, in perpetuity, for all pseudonymonous purposes.
I’ve always wondered what the “Z” stands for. I like to think that it’s “Zeus.”
Sitting in a dumpster I fould a mohagany cane with a solid brass duckhead handle, a skean dhu with a silver blade and an amethyst set in the pommel, and a 1960’s military greatcoat. It turns out that one of my neighbors had died and his son had thrown them out because he thought they where worthless. I sold the cane for $500.
I have also found a one grote coin dated 1761, a decapitated sex doll, and a picture that looks to be from the 1920’’ or 30’ of a man riding a sheep. (He’s clothed so i couldn’t tell you if his ass was hairy or not.) I carry the picture in my wallet.
Man I have a boring life … I had a pen that I used to use at school and I could never remember how I came to have it, till one day when I was in my 20’d I found an old diary with an entry stating “found a blue and silver Parker pen” … I mean really, 12 years old and the most interesting thing I had to write about was a pen I found …
I guess I should mention (again) the hundreds of labels for He-Man Fine Whisky that my roommate received as packing material for goods imported from India.
When she brought some home, I was curious about what kind of company would try to associate their liquor with a 1980’s toy line aimed at six-year-old boys, so I googled the hell out of Som Distillieries-- turned out they had been involved in a huge racketeering scandal. It was apparently so bad that it was common knowledge that you had to bring your own spirits to certain districts if you wanted to drink anything besides cheap rot-gut with counterfeit labels. (Meaning Seagram’s labels and the like – not unlicensed use of children’s cartoon characters, which is probably okay…)
My parents were having a wall taken down in their house, to make a larger room. Inside the wall, they found about 8 really old baseball bats. We have not figured out how they got inside the wall.
Check them for–[ul]
[li]Autographs[/li][li]Hi Opal! Lose a bat?[/li][li]Termites[/li][li]1920’s style Death Rays.[/li][/ul]
Also, bloodstains. They could have been used in a murder, & hidden afterwards.
Some sewer workers in Kingman, AZ found a severed penis in a water reclaimation/treatment tank.
Seems there is a mulcher that would have chewed it up, but it was down and awaiting repairs so the workers were cleaning it out by hand (runner up for top ten worst jobs after assistand crack whore?) and found the penis. The worker who found it thought at first it was a dildo. He bagged it and gave it to his boss as a joke. They then realized it was authentic. No persons’ have shown up to claim it thus far.
Source Mohave Daily News from a month or two back. I cut out the article but I cut off the date.
Me, I woulda’ kept the penis in a jar in the freezer. Then when my daughter begins to date I’d take it out to show her new beau and tell him about the last guy who got fresh with her.
My friend and I were taking a walk one night around my neighborhood since it was still fairly early and the weather was nice. We were chatting as friends do and at one point, we were walking by this open field next to the development without realising how far we’d gone. I started walking back toward my house when she stops and points the sidewalk a few feet in front of us, squinting at something.
“What is it?”, I ask, not seeing anything at all. She frowns and takes a step forward. All I can see is the shadow from a tree between the two streetlights.
“Something is there”, she says and takes another step. I stay put, thinking she’d pick it up or something and show me. Another step… another. I kept trying to look at the spot she had pointed to and didn’t see a thing.
All of a sudden, this small, blurry shape comes flying up at her, making her arms whip out and out comes this bloodcurdling SCREAM of pure TERROR that almost makes me pee myself where I stand!! OMG!!
She’s flails around like she’s being murdered and the thing is flapping, and now very attached to her person!! And I come running to the rescue only to see it’s a small, frightened parakeet clinging to her shirt and I can’t help but laugh my butt OFF while she’s totally freaking out!
A parakeet who had gotten outside somehow, poor thing! We found the owner a day later.