I’ve heard the male equivalent of a fag hag is a lesbro or a shadowbox.
I’m amazed that took 16 posts.
Yes, this.
ETA: HA! But I might have to start using shadowbox. That’s hilarious!
Well, women didn’t always self identify with that term. I seem to remember, when I first heard it in the early 90’ and even up into the late 90’s it was being used in a very unflattering way by gay men to describe women hanging around them unwanted (and usually the implication was the woman was futilely after them sexually).
Obviously time has changed that dynamic some, but I wouldn’t be surprised if to some gay men, the term still carries that connotation.
Yeah, it’s awful when people want to understand the context behind the words they say.
Jesus*, if I worried about potentially offending someone, somewhere, with everything I said, I’d never open my mouth.
If *you *are offended, say so. Otherwise, let gay men speak for themselves; I’m willing to listen. (And have, and at least among the subset of gay men goodly enough to hang out with me, “fag hag” is at best a term of endearment and at worst an eyeroll, depending on the 'hag in question.)
*case in point.
I like it too.
It doesn’t throw any punches.
The word “fag” is offensive when used to describe a gay man. Yes, I’m sure there may be some who aren’t offended by it; but there are sure as hell some who are offended by being referred to by that term.
Dyke Mike?
(for a guy who likes to hang with lesbians)
I live in a town that’s something of a lesbian mecca. I haven’t seen any evidence of a “lesbro” phenomenon at all here.
My guess it’s because there’s a larger subset of gay men that, while they prefer to be intimate with men, are amenable to good friendships with women. With lesbians, the subset that are amenable to good friendships with men seems much smaller.
:rolleyes: You seriously need someone to tell you that a phrase involving a slur used against gay men is offensive? You couldn’t figure that one out for yourself?
I’m not in a position to complain about the other half of the phrase but I can definitely say I wouldn’t describe any woman of my acquaintance as a “hag”.
Context is everything. “Gay” itself was once a slur (and seems to be becoming one again in some contexts). “Queer” is another relevant slur word that some to whom it might be applied have now embraced.
When was “gay” a slur? As for “fag”, it never stopped being a slur. The context is pretty simple here.
It’s generally an accepted phenomenon that members of slighted groups will use “slurs” amongst themselves in an ironic or reclaiming way. Hence all of the rap music with the N-word that few get worked up over, and girls who call each other ‘bitches’ with fondness. Context really does matter. Have you really never encountered this?
Even in groups of friends that aren’t minority based, it’s common to lovingly lob “insulting” nicknames at each other.
Bag Drag?
I’ve heard “dyke mike” though I like the other suggestions better. But I’ve never actually met a guy that hangs out with lesbians or has a lesbian best friend.
I’ve heard Little dutch boy for a straight guy who hangs out with lesbians.
IME, a portion of the women whom it used to be OK to call fag hags are so because, at least in part, gay men are safe. A man might hang with lesbians for the same reason, but be less likely to admit it.
As someone who probably could be described as a fag hag, I’m not offended by the term, but I don’t really care for it either. The connotation seems, to me, like I’m only friends with these guys because they’re gay. Rather than they just happen to be both.
That is to say: in my mind, a fag hag is a women who wants to be friends with gay men, specifically because they’re gay men. Either to make herself look more popular, or open minded or . . . I don’t know, something. But it’s a woman who goes out of her way to befriend them based solely on one superficial quality, rather than the whole package.
Of course I have, and I don’t see what leads you to assume I haven’t. (Strictly speaking, though, few people would be in a position to reclaim both “fag” and “hag”, making this a somewhat odd context to bring it up “reclamation”.)
That doesn’t mean the term is not generally offensive. It just means that some friends are comfortable using and hearing some offensive words among themselves. Which is fine, but it’s a big leap to go from the language people playfully use with their friends to claim that that language is not generally offensive, as WhyNot was verging on.
That’s aside from the fact that, as someone pointed out upthread, the term has never been exactly a flattering way to describe a woman (hence “hag” after all).
At any rate, the factual answer to the question of whether or not “fag hag” is an offensive term was given by Candyman74:
I don’t give a crap what kind of terms people throw around with their friends but that doesn’t change the fact that it is a generally offensive term.
I dunno, I’ve heard lots of gay men and women use the term. While there are obviously some who are offended, you haven’t shown it to be generally offensive. I’m talking about the term fag hag here, not fag or hag separately.
It’s got the word “fag” in it. You can’t get much more clear-cut than that.
I’ve heard plenty of people use plenty of offensive terms that describe them. That’s fine, but it’s irrelevant in this discussion. It’s not evidence that those terms aren’t offensive, though. The exact same line of reasoning to be applied to a whole lot of offensive words, and it’d be a ridiculously fallacious argument in those cases too. The fact that there are certain contexts in which a slur is used by members of a group obviously doesn’t change the fact that it’s a slur. (Or next am I going to hear an argument that it’s unfair that white people face social opprobrium for using slurs against black people?)