A spin-off of the worst team thread: what do you think is the worst sports team name? There are plenty to choose from with all the new expansion “adjective names” and non-plural names (Wild, Lightning, Heat, Magic etc.)
I would also nominate “Mighty Ducks of Anaheim” which still sounds to me like a Disnified Chinese Restaurant in California.
Can we nominate minor league teams? I think there’s a minor league baseball team called the Geoducks.
Sure, why not. Where are they from? I would like to add, however, that there is nothing wrong with the Long Island Ducks (now an independent minor league baseball team, used to be a minor league hockey team before the Islanders.)
My mistake. The Geoducks are a college team (Evergreen State in Washington). Cecil mentioned it in an old column:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_073.html
You don’t want to touch minor league team names, at least before getting a copy of Peter Filichia’s Professional Baseball Franchises: From the Abbeville Athletics to the Zanesville Indians. The Pawtucket Clam Eaters, Kalamazoo Celery Champs, Evansville Pocketeers, Pittsburgh Potato Bugs, the Fresno Raisineaters, Troy Washerwomen, etc., etc. etc. …
Good point, then what are the worst top-level team names? I would nominate all the “Indian, Redskin, Brave” type names as well. (See uniform thread – these things are proliferating!)
Ottawa Senators. This is a stupid team mascot. Come on, a senator? It just doesn’t sound right.
Montreal Canadiens. Alright, now let’s not get too creative here. I mean, wow, your team name is your nationality. I’d like to meet the genius behind that one.
Cleveland Browns. I’ve mentioned them in the uniform thread, and I’ll mention them here too. Just what the hell is a Brown? Until I find out, I’ll consider it a euphemism for a turd.
Okay it’s a Northern League team but The Winnipeg Goldeyes. I like the team but c’mon, a fish??
In minor league baseball, pretty recently, there was a team called the “Battle Creek (MI) Golden Kazoos.” That one’s gotta get the prize for any recent team. (I think they’ve since been renamed the “Western Michigan Battle Cats” or some such.)
Worst team names on the major league level? In baseball, the Devil Rays. I mean, that’s really stretching it. I heard that there were some trademark problems with using “Stingrays,” but at least “Manta Rays” would have semi-rhymed with “Tampa Bay.” Devil Rays sounds absurd to my ears.
In basketball or hockey, I vote for any team with a name that isn’t plural - Jazz, Heat, Magic, Lightning, and almost the entire WNBA (Liberty, Sting, Shock, Mercury, etc.) Special mention goes to the new Minnesota NHL team, which won’t even be a noun…it’s going to be called the “Minnesota Wild.” Gag.
In Football, I can’t think of any that particularly make me gag. Every name either denotes “fierceness” or has a local significance (e.g., Saints, Ravens).
The Chicago Cubs. What a pathetic wussy ass name. What’s scary is that it wasn’t a knockoff of the Chicago Bears (the Bears came later). It’s been sissified even more by the whole Cult of Harry Carry devotees who refer to the team as “the Cubbies.”
Then again, I follow the White Sox. Not exactly a team name to inspire fear in your enemies.
I agree.
If you play for the Yankees, you are a Yankee.
If you play for the Seahawks, you are a Seahawk.
If you play for the Lakers, you are a Laker.
What the hell are you if you play for the Heat? A Hot?
Members of the Orlando Magic are… magicians? Hardly.
The Packers offers almost as many punchlines as The Red Wings for a pervert like me.
Hands down (if we’re going pro-teams), it has to be the MLS team in KC - the Kansas City Wiz.
Just doesn’t get any worse.
[brief hijack]
Can someone tell me why this team is sometimes referred to as the ‘Habs’. Is Hab short for Canadian?
[/hijack]
OP, the Buccaneers always sounded a little feminine for a football team. And the Buffalo Bills? What is a Bill? And the San Diego Padres (San Diego Fathers)? come on.
As much as I despise the Ravens, I have to give them props for being the only professional sports team I’m aware of whose name is a literary allusion.
As for names I hate, well, the worst (other than the non-plurals mentioned at length above) are teams whose names WERE locally significant until they moved.
The L.A. Lakers? How many lakes are in Los Angeles? Utah Jazz? The (now changed, thankfully) Tennessee Oilers? Gah.
And now I delve into the personal. I’ve lived in Columbus for 11 years now. We’re getting an NHL expansion team this season. There were tons of grassroots campaigns to come up with the name of the team, but most support was split among two. First, the Columbus Mad Cows. Locals fondly nickname Columbus “Cowtown,” because that’s all that it was 20 years ago. Second, the Columbus Convicts. The hockey arena is being built on the site of our old state pen, so that makes sense. Both of those would have been cool, and you can imagine the uniforms.
What do they name the team? The Blue Jackets. Apparently, the name comes from some local legend about a white dude who was accepted into a local Indian tribe way back, and Blue Jacket was what they called him. NOBODY knew this. The local news had to explain it over and over again when the name and jersey was unveiled. I’m suspecting they made it all up. And the mascot? You guessed it–a big blue fucking bee.
None of this matters, because I’ll still be cheering for the Sabres, but ICK.
I always thought it was “priests.” Just as bad, really. “Come one, come all, let’s have a big cheer for the San Diego old celibate religious guys! May they beat their opponents into submission!”
cmkeller noted: “In basketball or hockey, I vote for any team with a name that isn’t plural - Jazz, Heat, Magic, Lightning…”
If that isn’t bad enough cmkeller, used to be when the Jazz played out of New Orleans, it made sense – “the New Orleans Jazz.” Wooo, kewl! But Utah? UTAH? Apologies in advance to Dopers in Utah, but what’s jazzy about UTAH??? Couldn’t they have at least changed the team name to the Utah Arches, Utah Salt Lakers (hee hee), Utah Raptors (yeah yeah, I know that’s taken already), Utah Canyons… or something?
Actually, the Utah Canyons has a nice ring to it.
The Montreal Canadiens are called the Habs because it is short for les habitants, a French term for the original farmer/settlers of Quebec.
Hit submit too early. You may not know that the ‘H’ in the Canadiens jersey does not stand for les habitants. From this site: