What I find absolutely grotesque are solifugae. They’re pretty common around these parts. So far, I’ve only encountered them outdoors.
Quarterpounder, I assume?
Three of those feed a family of 4 
I’ve had several in my house!
You should have done a YouTube video in which you nurse it back to health and then release it in the wild. Then you could make subsequent vids in which it periodically returns to introduce you to its children. Those videos are always so heartwarming.
Do not let it near your ear!
So THAT’s where the money came from. Quarterly dividends, it looks like. 