I am presently collecting obscure phobias and diseases for a potential homemade Xmas card.
Yes, I know what you are thinking. *Shirley you are simply amazing. * It’s true. Rather than send out the typical " Happy Holidays" card or " Our children are perfect and so are we" brag letter, I thumb my nose at convention.
I have a reputation for the most memorable holiday card/letter sent and this year, being a slightly dull news years for the Ujests, have decided on a different approach in the form of a Disclaimer on the front cover if the reader dare open it ( to say, " Merry Xmas.) It may or may not work out which is not contingent on Mr. Ujest’s opinion whatsoever (ha!) but on whether * I* find it funny.
But, if you love odd diseases and quirky phobias and much as I do (and you know you do) please list them here.
My back up plan if I cannot make the other one work, is to take a picture with my darling children holding signs saying something like, " You never call." and " What are we, chopped liver?" and the dog’s sign saying our phone number… and make it magnets for the fridge.
I would love to see a sample of your work. Perhaps you can post last years card?
Phobias:
I am afraid the water supply is going to be tainted.
I am most afraid that I will need emergency surgery and I won’t be fully asleep when it comes time to cut me open. I will be imobilized and unable to cry for help and will feel every step of the surgery.
I am also afraid that I will be declared dead but won’t really be…that is until they start to perform the autopsy. EEEEK
Odd Diseases
Inversa. That is where a person is born with their organs all REVERSED!
It’s a diseased caused by the buildup of silver salts in the body from people who take too much colloidal silver ‘all-natural health’ supplements.
Basically–it causes your skin to turn a shade of gray, sometimes a dark ashen gray, but usually with a slightly bluish tint. It also stains your hair that way, too.
Other than the cosmetic appearances–it’s apparently a harmless disease. It doesn’t kill you. It just makes you look like a zombie. And it’s irreversible–so once your skin is stained that way, it’ll stay that way.
My other favorite rare disease is Progeria. It causes the host to age rapidly. The disease usually becomes active early in childhood–and then the person’s body ages, very rapidly so. They don’t -grow- fast. They just age fast. So in the end, you see little 8 and 9 year olds with shriveled bodies and thin withdrawing skin. They usually die around the ages of 12 or older–of massive organ failure due to ‘old age’.