Do the determinedly single get to count years alone as ‘in a relationship with themself’? Interested because my wife’s aunt lived in the same literally her whole life (born there, never moved out, inherited it when her parents died), was never married, and worked for the same bank for 47 years. So, her score at age 86 when she moved to a nursing home (blowing up her ‘time in home’), was 1.79 with a zero for relationship and applying the ‘retirement counts as same job’ rule.
I flunked because I’m a widow, a 30-year freelancer who worked for maybe 50 different clients during that time, and I moved five years ago after selling three paid-off properties (one of them being my primary residence for the previous 20 years).
I guess it is to some. I consider it boring. My score would have been much higher if I didn’t spend most of my adult life in my own business. Good steady business for most of 25 years, but varying widely as I sought the best opportunities not only for money but for experience and self-satisfaction, and then finally getting the opportunity to take the time for a highly non-stable side track into the world of restaurants. I’m very happy to have a long relationship, very happy to moved from my first house after almost 20 years, a house I chose as an investment and convenience in location not because I really liked it, and then for 20 years I’ve been in a house that I really wanted. For the past 11 years I’ve been in a dull, regular old job, one that quite frankly I only stay at for the money, and even just now finding out the bonus I’m getting this year (Yowza!), I’m still thinking I’ll retire at the end of next year because I’m reaching the point where there just isn’t enough money in the world to overcome the boredom and lack of purpose I feel doing this job.
That’s a really good question. I think the answer is not necessarily. Consider this: can you assess stability in the same way for a 20 year old as you can for a 30 year old?
This 20 year old is still living in the home he grew up in and has been working at his father’s garage since he was 15. He’s been dating the same girl since he was 17 (she was 16), but has no plans to marry. His stability score is 1.4.
The 30 year old just completed his residency and started his own practice as an anesthesiologist last year. Let’s say he’s about six months in. He’s just celebrated his first anniversary to a woman he dated for two years before their marriage. He moved back to his hometown after completing his residency in another city and is living in a rented house until he’s able to build on the property he purchased during his residency. He rented the house a year ago, but spent two months travelling abroad before starting his own practice. His stability score is 0.15.
I don’t think that current stability score can predict whether a person is going to be stable at any other time in life or reflects whether stability or instability arises out of events outside of one’s control. Life happens. Someone who spends 12 years studying for a well-paying career, gets married after a reasonable amount of time dating as an adult, and buys property sounds a lot more stable than a guy living at home with no degree or post-secondary vocational training in a non-committed relationship barely out of their teens. But Mr. Anesthesiologist may end up with an addiction that ruins his career and marriage, later finding redemption in a happier marriage and different career while Mr. Auto Mechanic may start a family, change his entire outlook on life becoming a dedicated father/husband and taking over his father’s successful shop to live a completely stable, if modest, existence. But who knows, neither of them might be happy with how it all went down. Who’s to say whether stability is a good thing?
I believe AHunter3 is in a current polyamorous relationship with 3 other people. I think you could score that as the length of the single pairing that has lasted the longest.
Given the challenges of maintaining 3 simultaneous relationships, I think it is only fair to sum them up. But I have to admit, I don’t really know whether multiple partners is stabilizing or unstablizing.
I’m not a particularly stable person - I get bored easily (I’ve never had a job for more than 5 years) and I like to live in different place or, failing that, different houses. Since I left home, I don’t think I’ve ever lived in the same place for more than 3 years. An incredibly patient, adventurous, and risk-tolerant SO is the only reason my score is as high as it is.
I was curious about when I hit my maximum, and I ran into the issues that Brown Eyed Girl hit on. When I finished high school, my score would have been 0.72 [(1+2+10)/18], and it’s all been downhill from there. To hit that score again, I’d have to stay put for the next 5 years.
I might have three more years in me, but I can’t see five.
I can totally relate to this. I’ve lived in five states and moved a bunch within those states. There was a time in my life when we were moving every 2-3 years. If I look back at significant points in my life, the only real stability I can count on is my current relationship and nine years is the longest I’ve worked for one company (although I have transferred within that company across state lines).
At 18 (I moved out of the state I grew up in with my parents at 17):
Relationship: 0
Job: 0
Home: .25
LSS: 0.014
At 19 (first child born):
Relationship: 1.5 (this one tanked within a few years)
Job: 1
Home: .5
LSS: 0.16
At 27 (married; third state):
Relationship: 3.5
Job: 3
Home: 1
LSS: 0.28
At 37 (moved to fourth state):
Relationship: 14.5
Job: 0
Home: 0
LSS: 0.39
At 42 (moved to fifth state):
Relationship: 18.5
Job: 4
Home: 0
LSS: 0.54
Five years later, I’m in the same relationship (actually 23 years), job, and home and my LSS is now 0.787. So, thanks to my relationship, I’ve continued to become more stable as I get older, even as my jobs and living arrangements changed.
If everything holds, I’ll be at 0.92 by the time I’m 50 and I would hit 1.00 at age 52, five years from now. That makes me feel a lot better about everything. My marriage is solid, I like my job and my home. I’m finally content with the state in which I live. But who knows really – life happens.
Me by the strict rules:
Relation: 30
Job: 7
Residence: 4
Age: 59
LSS: 0.69
Here’s another case: Children. A child of 5 can readily get a perfect 3.0 if his parent haven’t moved:
Relation (to parents): since birth.
Job (be a kid): since birth.
Residence (assuming parents didn’t move): since birth.
So 3X/3 -> 3.0
A 10 year old kid might still score the same 100% on relationship & residence, but might only get a 5 on job depending on whether you want to consider them to have 5 years as a school student and 5 years as a pure kid. If school is a new and separate occupation a 10 yo would score (10+5+10)/10 -> 2.5.
As to retirees, it seems to me that’s a new job. So it’s OK for retirees to count their time in retirement as their current job. But it’s an error to count the time in the pre-retirement job plus the time in retirement as all one job. Plenty of people divorce or become addicts over the stresses associated with that life change. Stable it isn’t.
Going back to the OP, I’d label your scoring system a “Life stasis score”, not a life stability score.
I will argue that keeping the same SO relationship for decades is good (assuming they’re not a jerk you’re staying with for lack of any other idea).
Keeping the same job for 30 years is a sign of stagnation and failure, not growth. Working for the same company in varying and increasingly complex jobs is not stagnation.
Keeping the same residence likewise may be more stagnation than stability.
It’s also the case that when people change jobs they’re often required to change residences. Or are now able to afford bigger or better. So even setting aside the question of whether changing jobs or residences is “better” or “worse”, they’re often so closely connected that counting them both amounts to double-counting the same event.
My bottom line: Your number measures something. But I think it mostly measures how much one’s life resembles a late 19th century farmer’s. As LuckyNumber85’s granddad demonstrates. Given that damn near everyone who was offered the opportunity to leave the farm did so, that doesn’t seem like a goal to idolize.
