I was thinking about this at work this week: a meeting needed to be rescheduled, and I was thanked profusely for apparently seeming so accommodating. But the thing is, though, I’m not easy-going because I’m making an effort to be flexible and be a team player…
As long as it doesn’t conflict with something else, I honestly don’t care when the meetings are. I know some people do care about things like that even when it shouldn’t really inconvenience them, but I don’t understand why - a lot of office politics leave me equally baffled.
So, indifference is seen as being accomodating, which is how some people have got me all wrong. How do people get you all wrong?
People get me wrong thinking I’m a bitch. When they meet me I’m a little standoffish but once I get to know you I’ll open up to you. They also get me wrong thinking I’m a puss just because I’m soft-spoken doesn’t mean I won’t rip their faces off when crossed;)
A lot of people I used to work with had the mistaken idea I could be easily talked into things. What they didn’t realize is that, like the OP, I was simply indifferent on a lot of issues. So ninety percent of the time, I’d be open to suggestions and usually go along with what other people wanted. But on the other ten percent, I told people what to do and expected them to do it my way.
Some people thought that because I so often listened to other people and let them make decisions, I wouldn’t have a problem if they didn’t do what I said on those occasions when I did tell them specifically to do something. They figured I was easy-going and they could talk me around afterwards.
I’ve been told I intimidate some people. Really? Me?
I don’t play politics, I don’t make threats, I’m definitely not physically intimidating, unless you get between me and really good chocolate… My husband claims my education intimidates people, but I don’t see it. I’m an engineer and I went to a school with a good reputation, but I don’t wave those credentials around - in fact, I rarely mention my university because people expect me to know and/or care about the football team. *pffffft *- I didn’t care when I was a student there.
People sometimes accuse me of thinking I know everything just 'cause I read it in a book somewhere. Actually, not a day goes by that I fond myself annoyed over the scope and breadth of things I don’t know, and I make a conscious effort never to make an assertion or claim knowledge without factual backup.
People are constantly amazed when they hear me swear. I guess I come off as a sweetheart, and admittedly, I don’t think its appropriate to constantly be saying foul things, but I know the words! And I use them! So I don’t get it.
Mostly people just think I’m nicer than I am. Maybe because I’m quiet.
This has happened to me often enough that I’m convinced my face must be registering some internal, unconscious thoughts or feelings of which I’m complete unaware.
Here’s the scenario: something will happen, something negative but not hugely so. A minor change in plans or something small goes awry. I’ll be feeling like “ok, no big deal, we change plans and move on” and inevitably someone else involved will look at me and say “It’s OK, don’t get upset” when inside I’m not feeling upset at all and have actually already moved on in my mind. And when I protest they always say that I looked really upset.
I get it that I tend to show my emotions on my face but emotions I’m not aware I’m having? Sheesh :rolleyes:
You and I are exact opposites. People are constantly telling me how laid-back I seem about things, when really I have a lot of anxiety and it’s only force of will that stops me from freaking out constantly. We need to find some way to merge our anti-powers and become normal!
Apparently I drive intimidatingly. I’ve had people pull over and let thru on a two lane road. People always wave me thru at 4 way stop signs. Actually I don’t tailgate. I drive quickly but I’m not so full of myself to actually think that I deserve to be first. Maybe its the,little black sportscar.
I’ve mentioned my phone voice before. After spending time as both a receptionist and a help desk support technician, I have developed an extremely cheery but professional approach for answering the phone. People invariably think that I must just be a ball of sunshine, or having the best day ever, and are always saying things like, “Wow, you’re cheerful,” or “It’s so nice to talk to you, you’re so upbeat.” The thing is, I am a very anxious person, and am often feeling miserable or having a terrible day. But the phone voice is automatic, so everyone who speaks with me on the phone just assumes I’m happy all the time.
Also, I have possibly the worst sense of direction in the world, and considerable difficulty telling right from left, yet people are constantly asking me for directions. It doesn’t do any good to tell them not to take directions from me because I don’t know what I’m talking about, they just get mad. So I try to give them directions, and then they correct me, because they usually have at least a general sense of where they’re going, and I don’t (“But if I turn right, I’ll end up in the Bay!”) I have even had a police officer ask me for directions. Sometimes I wonder if I have “Information Booth” tattooed on my forehead and I just don’t know it.
People think I’m a know-it-all; not always in a bad way, but that I seem to know just about everything.
And while it’s true that I have a wide breadth of knowledge, the primary reason they think this is that if I am unfamiliar with a subject I keep my mouth shut.
Guys who have shown romantic interest in me. (Thankfully not the one I’m going out with; he knows me through and through.) I’ve had a few guys think I will be their Manic Pixie Dream Girl. (I’m not linking to TVTropes because I’m kind.) You know, the one who comes into their boring/depressing lives and makes everything amazing and special with my exuberance and my deep, deep love for them because I can really understand something about them. This very special understanding, they can divine from me nodding my head when they tell me things about themselves.
I think people, including said guys, also think they know me very well because I tend to be open about my personal life and my feelings and beliefs. There are a lot of people I know who I think would be very shocked to discover that my personality does not just consist of being really exuberant and nice to everyone all the time, and that this is just how I act in public so that people get a good impression of me. I’m a flawed person in reality.
People assume I’m 5-10 years younger than my real age, that I am sweet, innocent, perky, optimistic, and that I don’t curse or use graphic language. They are always asking me where I go to school, apologizing to me for saying offensive things in my presence, and telling me what a nice cheerful little thing I am.
In fact I’m on the closer side to 30, and I consider myself critical and cynical, often feel anxious, and can be blunt to the point of hurting feelings. My inner monologue is more filthy than a sailor’s, and I am fascinated by many things morbid and TMI.
I’m not sure if my (admittedly angelic) appearance outweighs my words and actions more than is usual, or if I have somehow gotten really good at faking being someone else!
People tend to think I’m vegetarian/vegan, that I’m anti-war, that I’m in general a lot more liberal and tree-huggy than I am. I guess it’s the long hair and long skirts.
People tend to think I am a blonde on the phone because I am soft spoken. They also think I am helpless because I walk with a limp…am alot tougher than they will ever know. People also think I am a nice person…they have not figured out that if they cross me, they will get a taste of my temper and it is definitely not nice. (I cursed out a CAT scan technician and threatened him with atrocities that were outlawed by the Geneva Convention. I am also good at throwing things at people…)
Where ever I go that has a population largely made of dark-haired, olive-skinned people I get asked things in the local language:
In Spain people talk to me, in the street, in Spanish; In the Middle East people will pull over and ask me a question in Arabic (probably directions) or suspiciously/accusingly ask me about my religion - especially in Saudi :rolleyes: (catholic with a small ‘c’); in Italy people will talk to me in Italian; I was working in a team half made up of Egyptians and everybody thought at first I was a new Egyptian member of the team; I have very large, plain-clothed security with buzz cuts sit next to me on flights (then they smell the booze on my breath, hear my home counties accent when I chat about the gorgeous scenery and relax); I anticipate being singled-out at security checks by approaching staff with a breezy, faux posh “Good day to you, sir!” whilst lifting my arms up.
I was born in a large town in Surrey, from parents - Catholic/CofE - who were also born in the same town. Their parents were born in the London area, as were their grandparents. I do slightly enjoy eliciting confused or surprised reactions with a posh nob reply to their approaches, although my clothes and demeanor are not UK-centric it’s not a conscious decision to appear so.
Then after people get to know me they think I’m at least ten years younger than I am and either related to Harry Potter or Mr Bean :smack:
My husband claims my education intimidates people, but I don’t see it. I’m an engineer and I went to a school with a good reputation, but I don’t wave those credentials around - in fact, I rarely mention my university because people expect me to know and/or care about the football team. *pffffft *- I didn’t care when I was a student there.