Especially if they’re up against Angelus.
Nope, Horatio Caine has the advantage of being played by an actual undead actor, David Caruso. The vampires will mistake him for a zombie and let him roam around making pronouncements and never notice him. Horatio will do quite nicely. All his cow-orkers will be happy hour snacks, however.
Shawn would probably notice something soon enough to save Gus, but Jules and Lassie are vamp-food. Henry is bad enough to be able to spot vamps, effectively fight them, and then berate Shawn for not remembering his lessons on vamp-fighting from 20 years ago.
So, How I met your Wiccan Mother doesn’t work for you?
Two and a half men last two and a half seconds.
Sgt. Joe Friday would be so emotionless that the vamps would mistake him as one of their own.
Mick Belker would bite the vampires first.
Lassie would go get help.
The Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are lunch.
Jerry, Elaine, or George are dinner. Kramer, however, would probably weird out the vampires, if they didn’t mistake him for one.
I’m reasonably sure that Mr Miyagi could take out a few score vampires, were he so provoked. (If the stuntwork in the first movie is any indication, he’d barely have to make contact to send 'em flying!)
I could see the crew from Special Victims Unit (which my girlfriend turns on far too often and yes I know I don’t have to be in the same room) following the trail of some corpse, raped and drained of blood. I doubt they’d last, but the vampires’d probably turn Ice-T, confused by “Cop Killer” and believing him a suitable villain.
Sherlock Holmes has been mentioned, but what about Holmes-a-likes? Dr House might be safe for the same reason Monk is, but if push came to shove he’s a goner. I give William of Baskerville better odds.
I think they are protected. Evelyn has…contacts.
Actually, that sounds pretty good.
Caine (of Kung Fu fame) certainly would manage fine I think.
Rainbow over Sunnydale - a crossover of the Tom Clancy and Joss Whedon universes.
Don’t know. Never been attacked by corpse.
Would being a priest give him any sort of edge? I’m not familiar enough with the Buffy canon to say.
Mike Holmes would stake every one of them while making Mike Rowe clean up the mess.
Hey, if we’re on to real-life “characters” I’d love to see Anthony Bourdain do an episode hanging out with a couple vampires, touring the places frequented by supernatural creatures-of-the-night. He’d totally be into their cuisine. I imagine his blood’s pretty toxic, poisoned by cholesterol and tar and remnants of drugs in years past. He should be safe.
Advantage- Andy doesn’t carry a gun. Disadvantage- Andy thinks people are basically good. Result: Dead, immediately.
Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters.
Adam and his scoobies would last about five minutes. They’d be holed up arguing about whether a broadsword or a katana was better for decaptiation when the vamps wandered by.
Jamie would grab the nearest minigun and turn anything within a 100yd radius into mincemeat.
James Bond (pretty much any iteration) would do just fine. Vague possibility he’d be offed by a female vamp, but really, we all know how that story ends.
The A-Team would fight an inconclusive skirmish against the vampires, chasing them off temporarily. Then they’d be surprised and be forced to retreat during a larger battle. They’d get caught in a machine shop, where B.A. would build a self propelled vampire staking machine, using 2x4s he pulled out of the wall by hand (even though there were hammers and saws conveniently nearby) as the stakes. However, even though they launch approximately 80,000 stakes and vanquish the vampires completely, not a single vampire is actually killed. Oh, and Murdock would spend the entire time convinced that he is a vampire, and Face would have seduced the hottest vampire sometime around the second break.
Dirty Harry would be a bit perturbed that the largest handgun in the world didn’t kill the vamp, but I think he would figure it out pretty quick.
The best bet though? The team from 4077 MASH - the Padre would turn the vamps!
Law & Order: All the detectives would be toast, except for Logan, who would freak out and beat the shit out of all of them.
The Closer: Brenda would march right up to the vampires and tell them who’s boss. “I’m Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson of the L.A.P.D., and you are NOT going to continue to behave like that!” “Yes, ma’am.”
I agree that Shawn would figure out pretty quickly that the vamps are real and find a way to keep himself and Gus safe in the short term. But Gus’s encyclopedic knowledge of geek arcana would definitely be crucial in actually defeating them. But yeah, Henry would be the one to actually take care of business.