What non-fantasy-series characters would do best/worst in Sunnydale?

For purposes of this thread, science fiction counts as fantasy, and so do comic books; I also think we should restrict ourselves to action/mystery/detective series. It’s obvious that neither Superman nor Odo is going to be bothered by a Buffyverse vamp, while Roseanne Connor and Michael Steadman are both toast. Also, let’s assume that the characters do not know that vampires are real before they’re set upon by Spike or Drusilla.

Would get killed in short order:
Monk, Natalie, and their two police buddies. Monk’s only chance of survival is the possibility that the vamps in question would be so irritated by him that they’d decide even killing him would involve spending more time in his presence than it was worth. Natalie probably gets or turned. The captain & Randy are as dead as Roseanne.

Fifty-fifty chance of survival:
Gibbs, from NCIS. But not his team. Ducky, Palmer, & McGee get killed quickly, as does Tony; the instant Ziva thinks the latter is dead, she’ll go into berserker mode. If it’s Spike she’s fighting, she might impress him enough so that he’ll turn her. Gibbs might make it through; he’s tough and very pragmatic; if he doesn’t killed immediately, he may well figure out what’s up and manage to escape.

Owns the vampires:
Jack Bauer, obviously.

I’m not sure what happens with Chuck Norris.

MacGyver gets through OK. He’s made solar-powered death rays before; he can do it again (sunlight is bad for Buffyverse undead, right?).

I’d also put good money on Sherlock Holmes, though he was never too confident in his ability against the supernatural.

MacGyver owns the vampires as long as he makes it through the initial encounter. I’m not confident of his ability to do that, though, as he’s…less than gifted…in hand-to-hand combat. He does have a significant advantage over a lot of characters in that he’s not going to waste time with a handgun.

Michael Westen (from Burn Notice) is kind of like Batman- he’s rarely unprepared. Like MacGyver, if he can survive the first encounter, he’d fare well against the undead. Unlike MacGyver, though, he has a better chance of surviving that first fight. Although, as **StR **points out, above, guns are useless against vamps- but Michael also likes to use explosives.

Okay, damn. Now I want to see this happen.

Handguns, or most of them, are useless against vamps. Worse than useless, actually. A skilled user in close quarters is going to aim for the chest. The vamp will probably shrug that off, or, if he feels like fucking with the victim, pretend to collapse so he can get back up and see the “oh shit” look on the person’s face. Quite possibly, you’ve just annoyed the vamp and turned what would have been a murder into a rape-torture-killing.

Something with a bit more stopping power than the typical handgun is another story, but even Fiona doesn’t carry AK-47s around all the time.

I too want to see this happen. I don’t suppose vampires are any less likely to hang out in Miami than Sunnydale, and with any luck they’ll murder David Caruso while they’re down there. (Horatio Caine definitely dies, for at least four reasons. He won’t be able to wrap his mind around the vampire idea in time; he’ll pull a handgun and (unfortunately for him) succeed in shooting the vampire in the heart; he will have annoyed Spike with his mannerisms already; and Spike or Dru will want his sunglasses.

Almost any Hugh Grant character would make it. See, Giles and Hugh would just stutter at each other, and the vamps’ heads would explode.

Now you’ve got me eager to seeing a Mayberry/Sunnydale crossover. Barney is toast, but Andy is surprisingly badass - he will notice things are “off” and avoid the first assaults long enough to consult with Bea, who, of course, has been practicing black magic in secret for decades…

Same would go for the CSI folk in the other locations, except for Gary Sinise from NY. I think he’d get the picture pretty quickly and hold his own, at least against the average vamp.

Also the Shield. Vic Mackey may be a jerk, but he’d do ok vs most vamps. Hell, he’d be able to cut loose.

Leonard, Raj and Penny are breakfast, lunch and dinner. Howard would beg to be turned because he would get more action that way. Sheldon would deny the existance of vampires so maniacally and completely that lesser vamps’ heads would explode, Dru would go sane and re-enter the convent, and Spike would delve into string theory in an effort to become worthy of the Buffster.

The WWE or TNA wrestlers quickly get converted, and the next house show doesn’t go very well for the audience.

A lot depends on how and why they end up in Sunnydale. Investigating the corpse of a Marine, found dead and drained of blood? Then I don’t agree that the team gets eaten quickly… unless, in turn, there’s a nest of vamps that are specifically targeting them. Let’s remember that despite the… eh… mortality rate… the majority of Sunnydale residents survive just fine. An unprepared NCIS team placed into the town against a group of baddies that want them dead (say, Spike/Angel/Dru from Season 2) would be toast. An ordinary vamp that comes to their attention because they’re already on the lookout for something unusual? NCIS team wins easily.

Came in here to mention Mackey, darn you. Don’t know how the rest of the Strike Team would do, but Mackey would do a splendid job of playing the Scoobies and Vamps off against each other, whilst kicking ass and making large amounts of cash.

Then again, he also knows this, and doesn’t plan on winning hand-to-hand. In a fistfight, his priority is always on getting away. And even at that, he’s still a lot better at fighting than the average schmo, even if he’s outclassed by conventional badasses.

I don’t know… We know from the show that he has contingency plans prepared in case of Cylons, reanimated constructs, and kaiju; I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find that he has a vampire contingency, too.

Mrs Andy points out that Chuck would do fine if he “flashed” duirng the initial attack. On the other hand, if Chuck gets turned, we have a vampire with a Stanford education and the Intersect (i.e. complete knowledge of America’s secrets and really wicked martial arts (and other kinds of) skills)

If Booth and Brennan turned up, things might get interesting :smiley:

It doesn’t quite fit the requirements, because he’s from a fantasy show, but this thread makes me wonder what would happen if Ned the pie-maker touched a buffyverse vamp. Possessed live human without a soul?

Everyone from The Office is toast, except Dwight, who will rid the town of vampires in a few hours. He’s got two advantages - he’s prepared for vampires, and he actually believes in them and would spend no time whatsoever convincing himself that they’re real. If you’re wise enough to put yourself totally under his protection, and command, you’ll probably be OK.

I think Creed might stand a chance. If you were a vampire, would you bite him?

This isn’t really the question you asked, but I think Veronica Mars would make a fantastic addition to the scooby gang, assuming she survived an initial encounter.

Yup, sort of confusing.

If Castle & Becket joined the affray, more heads might turn. Chuck has been mentioned–John Casey would add to the deja vu all over the place. (Nerd that he is, Chuck probably already knows about Sunnydale.)

Eliot Spenser from Leverage might stay disguised, due to all the hair! And I suspect that James Sterling, Interpol, has extensive experience with the uncanny.

We all know that Captain Jack from Torchwood just won’t stay dead. And he could bring Captain John, just for fun.

Darn, this is veering into Crossover Fanfic territory. And that sort of story usually doesn’t end in a fight…