What NOT to say to a person reading a book

The BBQ Pit
1

Let’s have a little quiz. You see someone reading a book that you just finished.
What do you say to that person?

A. “Oh, I just read that book! It was really good. I hope you enjoy it.”

B. “I just read that book! Did you get to the part where BIG MASSIVE FUCKING SPOILER happens yet? I couldn’t believe it when OTHER BIG MASSIVE FUCKING SPOILER happened. Too bad, I really liked that character. Wait till you get to the end - I won’t ruin it, but there’s a HUGE twist. A really huge twist. It’s not YET ANOTHER BIG MASSIVE FUCKING SPOILER, but a twist you’ll never see coming!”
If you answered ‘A,’ congratulations. You’re a civilized human being, and may continue to live and breathe with the rest of the normal people. I wish I could reward you with a Never-Ending Gift Card to your favorite bookstore, but my funds are limited.

If you answered ‘B’ then… WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? We’re living in a society! You have the social skills of a baboon, and are not fit to live among civilized people. Don’t ruin a book like that, you fucking moron! Look where the bookmark is in the book… only about a third of the way through. Why would you mention ANYTHING AT ALL in the book when the person reading it obviously is not finished? Why would you prattle on and on about a huge twist? That just gives it away, you asswipe. Stop breathing my air! Get out of my library! Stay away from my bookstore! Get out of my used bookstore! Don’t touch my books!
And stop breathing my air!

When you end up in Hell (and I know you will), I hope all the books there are Harlequin Romances with the last ten pages torn out.

2

No problem - the last 10 pages of any Harlequin Romance are pretty predictable anyhow. :smiley:

3

This is where the hardcover part comes in handy… THWONK

Don’t be afraid to use it!

4

Da Vinci code huh?

5

Not a problem with me. The odds of anyone having read what I am currently reading (not now, specifically) are extremely remote. Even more so where I work.

6

Empire Falls, actually.

Great book, wonderful story, but I had a couple of key plot points completely ruined for me by some dim-witted moron.

7

If you like that, you should catch his Inquest!

8

Since I read only the finest literature coughRomance Novelscough spoilers are never a problem.

Everyone dies at the end of the book when the asterroid hits the earth.

9

Oh yeah. That’s definitely spoiler-able. Sorry this happened to you.

I’m glad you allowed two options though. Some people think it’s rude to make any kind of comment to a reader, even “What are you reading?”

10

Great, thanks a lot!! Now you’ve just ruined Empire Falls for me. :wally

So what’d you say to them?

11

It slipped. Banana peel.

Totally knew it beforehand.

12

Especially if you’re reading the Malleus Maleficarum.

13

I’m watching the lamest movie ever? Steel Magnolias? OK, OK, but we all gotta watch it sometime, and why make it even worse by spoiling, right? So I’m watching it on cable, and a friend comes over. At the point where Julia Roberts says she’s going to the doctor. Now at this point in my life I’ve studiously avoided knowing anything at all about this movie, so at least the story will seem fresh to me. Well, as fresh as a cliche Southern Chick Flick can seem. But anyhow, I have no idea what’s gonna happen in this movie, and my friend comes in, just when Julia says she’s gonna go to the doctor, and my friend goes, “Oh you haven’t seen this yet? Oh my god this movie is so sad. It’s the saddest movie ever.” Suddenly, the rest of the entire movie was laid out before me: I knew absolutely everything that was about to happen.

Still, luckily it was just Steel Magnolias.

14

What am I reading? A book.
What’s it about? It’s about 400 pages.
Yes, I am known for being a smart-ass.

brightpenny, I was shocked at first (as in, “Did she just say what I think she said?”) , and then pissed off, so I let loose. I said, “Why would you tell me that? I haven’t gotten to that part yet!”
She did apologize - the OP was sort of a paraphrase. People have done this to me before, though. They see me reading a book and say, “Did you get to the part where…” and I have to stop them. I can’t even imagine saying that when I can see they’re nowhere near the end.

And someone ruined something else one with the “Ooooh, huge twist at the end! You’ll never guess!” bit.

15

… if you really want to cut the conversation short, why don’t you wrap the one you’re currently reading in a “standard” book-cover? Preferably one you already have read before? That way any spoiler would spoil only what you already know.

16

HARRY POTTER & THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE was spoiled for me as were the films Million Dollar Baby and Fight Club (way back when) by well meaning co-workers who for some reason thought I’d seen them. Such a pity that life doesn’t come with an UNDO option under the EDIT bar of our existence. As much as I’m irked by people who do this I’m irked probably more by people who say “Well big deal… it’s still just as good a book even if you do know that Lady Cuthbert is really Lord Obernitz’s long lost father”.

[SHORT HIJACK]I was at a faculty/staff meeting recently. Since people who had never met before were in attendance, the lady presiding over the meeting asked us to go around, introduce ourselves, tell our job title and the title of one of our favorite books. The last part was strictly as a ‘getting to know you’ thing and it really did inspire discussion (“Ooh, you liked Chinchilla Farming for Dummies too! That book changed my life!”).

One co-worker who has certainly never been what one would call bubbly or giddy but who has also never struck me as a killjoy or neurotic introduced herself and then said “I won’t answer that about the book because I think it’s an invasion of privacy and has nothing to do with why we’re here.” Okay then… next. Kind of threw a wet blanket on the affair and I’d never thought of “what’s one of your favorite books?” as in the same category as “What’s your favorite sexual position?” or “How much do you weigh?”

A real irony: she’s a librarian. In a room full of librarians.[/SHORT HIJACK]

17

Well hell, it’s not like anyone watches Steel Magnolias for the plot.

18

When the movie The Sixth Sense came out all I heard was OMG you will not believe the ending!!! So I kind of got an idea of what the ending could be and saw the movie with that idea in the back of my head. I was able to pick up little details that would not have been apparent if I hadn’t been “spoilered.”

I did have The Empire Strikes Back spoilered way back when it first came out by some blabbering schoolmate. Grrr…

19

Even so, finding out that Olympia Dukakis’s character was a child murdering she-demon was a twist I would have liked to have found out for myself the first time I saw the movie. I’m just glad that the whole thing existed only in hallucinations while Dolly Parton’s character went through alcohol and heroin withdrawal or it would have been too sad.

20

I’m one of them. Yes, I’m a bitch when it comes to reading. I don’t want to have to drag myself out of the story to have a conversation with someone-- if I wanted that, I wouldn’t be reading in the first place.

Worst are the ones who won’t get the hint.

“Whatcha reading?”
*
Lissa recites title, then looks back down at book,*

“Oh . . . I haven’t read that. What’s it about?”
*
Lissa drags eyes from page and gives a terse, one sentence synopsis. Looks back down at book.*

“Sounds interesting. Have you read [insert title here]?”

“No, I havent,” Lissa says, even if she has, and looks back down at book.

“Oh, it’s really good. My favorite book was [blah, blah, blah] I don’t usually read [genre] but my daughter, who loves in Sacramento, suggested it. She’s in a book club, and they’ve just finished it.”

“Uh huh.” Lissa pointedly resumes reading.

“Do you read a lot of books?”

Lissa thinks, “Well, I fucking TRY!” Nods, smiles politely, looks back at book.

“What kind do you usually read?”

“Oh, everything.”* Lissa doesn’t even look up this time.*

“Me, I usually read [genre] but my friend Susan suggested I start reading—”

Look, I love to talk about books, too, but not when someone’s trying to read one. I swear, next time I’m going to say, “No parlez Ingles.”