Something else to NOT say to someone who’s reading a book:
“You know, if you smear a little lube across the spine, it feels really good grinding against your anus.”
Just FYI.
:eek:
THAT would stop me reading and start me walking.
:eek:
I think that’s taking the concept of “enjoy books more” a little too far.
My favorite technique (which might not work for everyone for obvious reasons) is to read in another language. In my case, French. So if they ask me what I’m reading, I answer with the French title. If they’re particularly persistant, I give the plot synopsis in French.
Between the foreign language and my thick American accent, anyone who can actually continue a conversation with me after that is generally worth talking to, even if it does drag me away from a re-read of Trois soeurcieres (let’s pretend I threw the accent mark where it’s supposed to be).
- Spoilers are bad enough, but what’s equally annoying in a different way is when someone feels they have to give you the Amazon synopsis. You know, a brief description of the premise that doesn’t give away anything, but contains information that it’s reasonable to assume factored into your choice of that particular book.
Examples:
“Whatcha reading?”
“I’m With The Band.”
“She sleeps with every rock musician in the '60s.”
“Really. It says right here, ‘Confessions of a Groupie’. I thought it was about a nun.”
“Whatcha reading?”
“Snow Crash.”
“He’s the world’s best pizza deliverer.”
“Not really; he just got fired from delivering pizzas.”
“Whatcha reading?”
“Ender’s Game.”
“They have him playing all these video games.”
“…”
Actually, now that I think about it, that may simply be an awkward way of saying “Oh, I’ve heard of that!” Still annoying, though.
- Mr. Rilch has a rather unique concept of not spoiling a book. Last year, at his behest, I read Battlefield Earth. It was a tradeoff: I read that in exchange for his reading the Narnia books. I rather enjoyed it; it didn’t turn me into a clam; and he went through the Narnia series like a hot knife through butter.
Conversely, though, it took me several weeks to get through BE. When I was in the final third of it. Mr. Rilch started asking me, every single day, “Have you found out what happened to Psycho yet?..Well, wait’ll you find out what happened to Psycho…I can’t wait until you find out what happened on Psychlo!” The upshot of this was that I was continually speculating on What Happened To Psycho, coming up with all kinds of scenarios, and grew increasingly more impatient to get to the big reveal, almost to the point where I cared more about that than the ending ending. And when I did find out, big whoop. I got the impression, actually, that the reader was supposed to have forgotten that the planet Psychlo was vulnerable at all, and the reveal should have been completely out of left field. As it was, it was far less intriguing than the stuff I imagined that I shouldn’t have been wasting time imagining. Really, it was the equivalent of saying, “Wait’ll you find out what Darth tells Luke.”
- Actual, real-life instance of not seeing the elephant with a bomb: Many years ago, my mom and I were driving somewhere when a drunk roared out of a parking lot and T-boned her car on the passenger side, where I was. If my mom’s reflexes hadn’t been so fast, and if her car hadn’t been a big boat of a sedan, I might have been in traction for a long time, or even currently in a wheelchair. As it was, though, all that happened was my glasses flew off and my book flew out of my hands. (This was before airbags.)
However, none of the cops, the bystanders, and later, the insurance company people, could believe that I didn’t see anything. Couldn’t see who’d been driving, didn’t see the car itself until its grille was buried in my door, didn’t see the angle of approach, couldn’t judge the speed. Finally my mom groaned, “She READS! She was READING! She wouldn’t have seen Chitty-Chitty-Bang-BANG! She READS!”
I wish I could read in the car, or on the bus, but when I do, I get horrible motion sickness.
I’m sorry, but this made me giggle. I’m glad you weren’t hurt.
Guinastasia, try looking up every time you turn the page. That’s supposed to help. Look up at the horizon for a few seconds - something about maintaining the equilibrium.
No, it makes me giggle too, thinking of it! It was the insurance adjuster who prompted that response. What they were mostly concerned about was the possibility of the driver trying to change places with a relatively sober passenger. So he kept harping on whether I’d seen who was at the wheel when we were hit, and he must have been one of those people who doesn’t think people read “on purpose”, because he kept saying, “Okay, you were reading…but what did you see?” :dubious:
I am a must-read-before-bed-or-die reader so I don’t get out much, mostly because I read one book at a time and can’t stand it not being in bed with me.
I’m with you on the folks that brag about not reading. I don’t get it at all. Just tell me you are determined to spend your life with a closed mind and be dumb as dirt, really, it’s the message you are conveying to me. The corrollary is those folks who think they are inherently better than those that don’t read. They are, of course. Back in my day, it was an embarrassment to do well in school, especially for guys. Whoever made stupid cool gets a big ol’ book slap from me.
I have a friend who I talked into reading Atlas Shrugged, she only read non-fiction, NEVER read novels. She loved it and has been reading ever since, unfortunately, she’s reading stuff like Da Vinci Code, which I can’t bring myself to read…no really, I don’t care if you thought it was awesome, it’s the principle.
Where I work we have probably 300-400 people in the room most of the time, in almost two years, I have seen exactly 3 people bring books in. It’s so rare that if someone leaves a book, everyone knows who’s book it is. I might point out that it wasn’t unusual for them to be waiting for up to an hour some nights. What do they do? Sit around and tell bad-beat stories over and over.
One thing that creeps me out is when I go to someone’s house and they have no books. I was in real estate for a while and I was shocked at the number of houses I saw where I didn’t see one book. That must be a very dismal existance. I come from a family of readers and books are everywhere in our homes.
Now, I need to find one I haven’t read yet, or read lately.
I was called for jury duty a few years ago, and in the list of things to do under the “Instructions” section, it specified to bring reading material with you, since you would more than likely be waiting for a long time.
When I showed up (with 2 books!), there were about 300 people there. Only a handful brought anything to read. The rest just sat and stared at each other. Or looked at the paint on the walls, or counted the holes in the ceiling tiles.
We ended up just sitting in the jury waiting room throughout the morning and were all dismissed at noon without ever being called.
I got paid $15 to sit and read all morning. Not too bad, IMO.
I can’t imagine what those other people thought of their day.