What one thing would you like to find in a barn?

An infinite number of other barns.

A crate full of vintage Thompson submachineguns.

This please!

Federal Government, meet Scumpup. I hope you enjoy the next 85 years in maximum-security federal prison.

My ex, the pathetic deadbeat, went to a farm sale in Kentucky where he picked up a beautiful dresser with a gorgeous inlay pattern in it. I would have liked that in lieu of all the money he owed my son. However, he wouldn’t give it to me.

That’s what I want. That dresser.

He didn’t ask for any ammo.

Not necessarily. I never said anything about selling or distributing them. Or even telling anybody about them. The Feds ain’t telepathic yet.

If we’re staying true-to-life (more or less) than I’d like a Shelby Cobra.

This collection.
Ok, ok…another prayer for Anna Kournikova. Or evlkitty.

<SLAPS Vinyl Turnip with a Wet Trout>

One of these, gravid with fertile eggs.

Failing that, I wouldn’t turn my nose up at one of these, also bearing fertile eggs.

It’s barns all the way down!

I’d like to find a tin box hidden by some kid from 1899, with things that were sacred to him and only him. Pocket knife, metal likeness of someone or something, maybe a pipe and a dine novel or two. I would value that the most, should I happen upon one in a barn way out on some back 40.