Those who can’t teach, teach gym.
Big time. That platitude is the trademark of the high-handed.
I’ve heard it addended with “…those who can’t teach, become critics.”
Probably from somebody who doesn’t much care for critics.
I’ve also heard “Those who can’t teach, teach teachers.”
Years ago, when my car was totaled in a rear end collision, I was unhurt. So many well meaning people said to me, “Be grateful it was just your car. You can always replace your car.”. Umm, No I couldn’t. I was on freaking temp jobs at the time, and not having a car meant I was damned limited in getting to them, never mind not having the money to replace the goddamn car.
Still pisses me off.
God gave Jesus more than he could handle. 
Yeah, I say gesundheit if I say anything. Thankfully, I’m not in the Bible Belt, so I’ve never received any negative reactions.
“They’re in a better place”
I think platitudes are way Awesome! Fur, web-feet and a Duck-bill. How fuckin’ cool is that???
I don’t know about that. He hung in there until he actually died.
I’d like to add “s/he is always with you” to this. Especially when they add something about the dead person knowing/seeing things post-death which implies that the with you is in a spirit sense, not in your mind.
I know that people who have said this about my parents are trying to be uplifting - what’s not uplifting about implying that your loved one is angelic? - but it’s of no comfort to a. people who don’t believe in an afterlife and b. people who believe in an afterlife but don’t think anyone goes to heaven before Judgment day. Between the two groups, that’s a lot of people.
I’m a B. person. My parents aren’t with me, they’re not aware of anything, and won’t be for who knows how long, but thanks I guess.
Yeah, but he tried to get out of it. That’s not “handling” it.
The stuff people say when a loved one has died sometimes makes you want to shout at them: “Get a fucking clue!” but you can’t 'cause “they mean well.” I heard a ton of B.S. after my husband died, and I didn’t shout at anyone. Because they meant well.
The best thing to say is, “I’m so sorry.” Period. Someone’s silent presence is a lot more comforting than a timeworn platitude. (And I AM a believer, so it’s not the religious content per se that bothers me.)
…and c. people who, when/if they go to the afterlife, would rather meet their old cats than their parents
“Freedom isn’t free”. People quote this as if it was profound wisdom, but too often I think it’s to justify whatever military conflict we find ourselves in.
“If you teach a man to fish…” Utter pablum People who quote this are generally all for slashing the social safety net.
“Some people are just afraid of change.” Those who benefit from the change love to use this phrase to shut down discussion of the people who might be harmed by it.
“Think outside the box.”
It usually means “think the way I’m thinking.”
“Oh-h-h-h. You want the Rainbow Bridge! It’s over this way.”
Speaking of which, that’s another one.
Maybe not a platitude, but I wish people would stop using this. At least, until it stops getting overused.
“You do you”.
Just a way of saying " I totally think you’re wrong but I don’t want to look like a jerk".
It gets overused literally all the time.