I completely disagree. Making allowances for this is just the thin edge of the wedge, a slippery slope… If you give users of that platitude an inch, they’ll take a yard.
As with the OP, “Everything happens for a reason” is a major annoyance. Yeah, there’s some big plan for the universe that requires child abuse, long-term senile dementia, suicidal depression, etc.
And while it’s been hashed out multiple times on SDMB, once again I’ll press the like button for “It is what it is.” The correct time to use it is in a time-sensitive situation when:
- Someone’s repeated ranting about a problem is hindering the solution
- The problem isn’t caused by repeated malfeasance by someone in the room.
- You’ve already offered sympathy, and explained the need for constructive action
In my experience “It is what it is” is not a platitude, it’s a concise, semi-polite, way to say, “Please stop your pointless complaining, you’re not helping, and you’re getting on people’s nerves.”
And then there’s “When one door closes another one opens”, and a great scene from Big Bang Theory:
Any variation on “It’s god’s plan/everything happens for a reason.” So, it’s god’s plan that babies and puppies suffer? Fuck that shit.
I read an obit this weekend where it started out saying that the deceased “had been called home.” Don’t answer the phone!!
“Can you trust anything government says, when government did X, Y, Z and double-Z?”
No, I use my brain and the facts at hand, instead of trusting your stupid conspiracy theory.
I’ve used “nice catch!” on occasion, in the right environment. I may borrow this one tho!
My sneezing response is as follows: First sneeze earns a “bless you”. Second sneeze earns a “gesundheit”. If there’s a third sneeze I put one hand on top of your head while raising the other to the sky in my best impression of a tent revival preacher and shout “Be gone, demon!” This amuses me greatly. Others, not so much.
My hatred platitude is, “He/she has gone to a better place”, but only if spoken by friends and loved ones who know full well that I don’t believe in fairy tales. Strangers get something of a pass because i know they’re only trying to say something comforting.
Or (as someone mentioned upthread) “God never gives you anything you can’t handle.” Not only empirically untrue, but has the added bonus of suggesting that someone is failing God if they truly find themselves unable to handle a situation.
“Be careful what you wish for”.
I find it dismissive as well as a thought terminating cliche. I’ve also heard it used by the high handed, or rather those who are toadies of the high handed. Uttered in a tone that suggests ominous consequences if the rank and file try to question or thwart the high handed.
“No one said life would be fair”, “life isn’t fair”, and other variations of this are invariably uttered by those who are, at that moment, profiting from said unfairness.
“Fair share.” Meaning you want someone else to pay for your pet project.
“It’s all part of God’s plan.” Really? That’s why he murdered my son? Well, fuck him and you too.
There’s someone for everyone…
Yes I wish that would go away… it’s generally meant to make someone who’s found it hard or impossible to find a match feel better and more normal. IME it has the opposite effect: It makes that person feel incompetent for not simply flipping through the catalogue pages of partners (like everyone else smart has already done) and just finding their match; as though they are just hanging on a clothing rack all labeled up and waiting for them. Why are you taking so long to find your match (which you know exists because I just told you so)?
At the end of the day… It all boils down to… The bottom line is…
And other variants meant to ease frustration and suggest the issue at hand isn’t as complicated as it is. I’ve only heard these lines used by someone who thinks they (and only they) have the answer and everyone else’s thought/opinions/worries aren’t worth considering. “Thanks for everyone’s input over the past 2 hours of debate, but it was all a waste of time because at the end of the day I’m right about this and we just need to do what I say”.
Is this the hill you/we want to die on?
Is supposed to let someone know this issue will cost more than it’s worth to resolve and that it’s ok to walk away from it. I’ve seen it used time and time again in a work environment as justification to put up with bad decisions being made, accept unfair treatment, keep your mouth shut. If you’re not ready to gamble your career on this one problem then you need to do nothing at all. Because every disagreement is a life and death struggle, and you can only pick one or to things in your life to speak up on.
I’ve heard people say “Life finds a way” unironically which was a great pithy line for a movie but dumb as shit in real life. Life finding a way worked out great for the pretend dinosaurs with froggie DNA but doesn’t do squat for the many dozens of species going extinct daily outside of Hollywood movies.
Well, unless mankind millions of years from now decides to open an Ivory-Billed Woodpecker theme park.
It might be barely acceptable if it were used that way. Instead, I find that it’s used by people with control over a situation to convince others to fatalistically accept unpleasant circumstances that they don’t want to change.
“We’re overworked, the working conditions suck, and the project we’re doing makes zero sense.”
“It is what it is.”
Even when a certain fatalistic acceptance is reasonable, it’s only acceptable for the person under those conditions to say it. Not:
“Well, I’m dying. The cancer’s terminal.”
“It is what it is.”
I detest both of these.
As someone with NO family, I use that when someone ditches a commitment to me in favor of an unscheduled family event, even if they hate the family member.
“There are no guarantees.”
“Nobody ever said life was fair.”
When somebody pulls one of these out of their…pocket, I want to slug them.
My mother tends to use “Life is choices.” Considering all the bad ones I’ve made in my life, it kinda hurts.
I’m an atheist and I can’t bring myself to even pretend to pray for somebody. If a friend posts on Facebook that they’ve just lost a relative, or that one is in hospital, I’ll say something like “Thinking of you and your family tonight,” which is going to be true, but also doesn’t involve any supernatural hoohah and I don’t imply that my thoughts are going to do anything helpful
“Money can’t buy happiness”. It may be true that if you already have sufficient income additional income won’t lead to additional happiness. But many people seem to use it to say poor people should just be content with what little they have.
This is so true. There’s also that it seems people say it like a reflex once they find you are/were military, kind of like “Bless You” after someone sneezes. Totally devoid of any true meaning of thanks. I do like you said, a quick “thank you” and move on.
Yeah, this is bad. I know people find it difficult to talk to someone going thru this, but please offer something more than a platitude. If you can’t think of anything, just be there for them. Ask what you can do to help. Anything but a platitude.
Well, going gay is a choice I hear, you just have to convince 30 million Chinese men it’s a viable option. Good luck with that. 
This is probably the worst religious one. It’s pretty obvious that “god” does give people more than they can handle all the time. Way to set up someone in a bad spot for feeling like a failure.
I’ve reported this for being overly schmaltzy.
Other way around, my wife does the sneezes. If we are watching something at the time, I pause it and repeatedly look at my wrist where a watch would be if I wore one. Pretty much the same if we are eating dinner at the time.
This thread is making me grateful for an absence I hadn’t paid much attention to. Most of these platitudes I haven’t heard in ages, or if I have, they’ve been in an appropriate context-- the person who has a right to be upset simply expressing resignation, etc., not telling me how to feel. You all are paragons of virtue for not smacking the stupid out of these people.