What powers does British nobility have nowadays?

I’m pretty sure that some noble titles in the UK are associated with rather large estates, so titled nobility are likely to have significant economic power.

What powers do nobles have today that are above commoners? Are they exempt from any laws? If I piss off the Earl of Northumberland while in Northumberland, how miserable can he make my life?

Not all titles are associated with large estates. There is a phenomenon of the poor nobleman who has had to sell his property or convert it into a hotel. However, as in any society, coming from a family with a history has its advantages.

I don’t believe peers have any special legal rights that commoners don’t have, except that only nobles are eligible for the House of Lords (they no longer get a seat automatically) and only commoners are eligible for the House of Commons.

I believe that at least some have the power of flight. (While piloting helicopters.)

And others have superbloodclotting. (Compared to previous royals.)

“…If I piss off the Earl of Northumberland while in Northumberland, how miserable can he make my life?..”

Probably hard to do as “The current duke lives at Alnwick Castle and Syon House, just outside London…” Earl of Northumberland - Wikipedia They often don’t live anywhere near their tittle suggests.

And no they don’t have any special rights or law over us, they might conceivably make life hard if they happen to own big bits of land or houses that you might want to rent…just like any other business person.

And, just to emphasize, the geographic element of the title gives the title-holder zero special status within that geographic location. It’s simply a title.

Psst. Darth!
Nice use of COLOR=“White”, but it was so well done that I don’t think most people will see it. Unless they’re quoting the text to reply with something like “Didn’t you mean superbloodUNclotting?”
Not that I didn’t notice it or anything. I’m just saying other, less perceptive human beings might miss it.

Though severely emasculated compared to times past, I daresay that hereditary-based eligibility to a legislative body is a major power. I can’t imagine the hue and cry that would arise if any legislative body were legally restricted to a particular subset of the population that relied on ancestry or marriage. Granted, there are political dynasties here, and granted there have been de facto limits on what genetics will allow office-wise, but nothing AFAIK compared to the House of Lords.

OK, but bear in mind that the vast majority of members of the House of Lords (getting on for 700 out of 800 members) are life peers, not hereditary. Many ex-MPs and other prominent people, rather than aristocrats per se. So it is not quite true that only nobles are eligible for the House of Lords. What happens is that you get nominated and then ennobled as you join the Lords. People pick their own titles, Baron Smith of Lower Trumpington or whatever.

Ah, so in theory, Eliza Doolittle could end up in the HoL? (With or without 'enry 'iggens 'elp?) Could she start a campaign from out of nowhere or would she have to have achieved prominence/connections in some political field first?

People don’t overtly campaign to get themselves made a Lord, no. Many of them, especially the more active ones, are former members of the Commons. There are also people who were political advisers in some capacity, business people, media people. The film director David Attenborough, for example, is a Life Peer affiliated to the Labour Party. There have been quite a few Lords who came from very humble backgrounds.

Full list here: List of members of the House of Lords - Wikipedia

Do nobles get special ID cards showing their title? Laminated plastic card with a tiny picture of a man in a monocle, for instance?

Yes, and when they pose for the photo ID they are required to wear ermine-lined cloaks and tights with powdered wigs.

Where does the powdered wig go on a pair of tights? Doesn’t that get uncomfortable?

You do know that Alnwick Castle is in Northumberland, don’t you? Granted, the Percys only live there in the winter, when the pleb daytrippers are gone, but that’s still about half the year they spend up here.

Ah, that would be the ceremonial merkin, the use of which has fallen into abeyance in recent years, in deference to the 5th Baron Haden-Guest.

Of course I meant to say in post #10 that Richard Attenborough, not David, is a member of the House or Lords.

[whispered David Attenborough voice]…and if are very quiet…we might be able to get closer to a real lord…here…in his native habitat…the house of lords bar.
Sound asleep now… in a bed of crumpled… broadsheet paper, the remains of his most recent meal…still crusted… to his tie. He will rouse only occasionally during the day to evacuate his bowels… .and loudly proclaim…“wwwarrghhhh, wwwarrgh, shame” before settling back down.
Let’s leave him …in peace[/whispered David Attenborough voice]