The Epic of Gilgamesh contains a pretty piss poor example of the afterlife. Basically you get to sit around drinking dust and eating clay for the eternity. Sucks.
Man, that sounds really bad.
“Better to be a farmhand on Earth…than to rule over all the exhausted Dead”
– Achilles in book 11 of the Odyssey.
Of course, it got nicer later on in Grek mythology, until finally you had the nifty, well-groomed Elysian Fields.
The unniest treatment of the Christian afterlife is in the writings of mark Twain, where he points out that ost people are bored by hymn singing, and not very good at it, but that’s what the Protestant Churches were pushing. Plus, as he wryly noted, visions of Christian heaven always seemed to leave out Sex. A G-rated version of this was animated in Will Vinton’s The Adventures of Mark Twain, which adapted Twain’s “Extracts from Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven.”
At some point, don’t you get to be a cow ? That sucks.
Calvinist doctrine says everyone is utterly depraved and there’s no way to determine whom God has chosen for his elect. But not surprisingly, the people who believe this doctrine usually think they’re in. There’s that deep streak of misanthropy that runs through some Christians - they’re willing to let a few people in Heaven but their real dream is to make sure as many people as possible are going to Hell.
Before you dismiss it, there’s a very ancient tradition that the afterlife is one perpetual orgasm, turned up to eleven.
I am entirely serious. The Talmud talks about things that are “a taste of the world-to-come”, and one of them is sex.
Please form an orderly line at the gate, no shoving. 
Then stick your face into the food and eat like a dog. 
Jeff Dunham as Walter(paraphrased)
“72 virgins? How about 72 slutty broads who know what the hell they’re doing?”
Wasn’t it the Polyenesians (sp?) who believed that the Gods raised us so they could feed on our souls, the way Humans raised pigs to eat?
Only if you have slightly worse karma then a human. If your karma is really great you get to be a diva, or even a god. You still die though. gods IIRC get killed when the universe goes through it’s cycles of destruction. If your karma is super horrid you spend a unit of time several magnitudes longer then the current age of the universe in a place so cold your skin falls off and your organs crack.
No, no, that’s the udderlife.
Didn’t Lovecraft specifically name Polyesnesia as a source of Old One cults?
Ahhh that explains why I was born in Canada.
Not only is it Limbo, but it’s a kinda of preparation for the real deal. And its non-Canon: a lot of people do believe it, but it’s not required as part fo the Catholic faith!
Actually, re-reading your post… youo wife was told (as a child) in Methodist Sunday School that unbaptized Catholic babies go to Hell? Was her minister parfticular anti-Catholic, or did they think that Catholic baptism was a cosmic homing beacon for God in case of dead baby?
Actually, the Catholic Church has recently been re-thinking Limbo, and suggesting that it doesn’t exist. Which, if the RCC afterlife were it, woiuld be a serious bummer.
From Wikipedia’s article on Limbo:
(Emphasis mine)
I wouldn’t worry about it. There are onyl about a bajillion Catholic Theologians, and much like other scientists, there’s always somebody who makes some pretty freaky claims - and they feel free to do so. Ask a parish priest, on the other hand, and you’ll usually get a possibly simplistic but more accurate answer on doctrine. The Catholic Church has never held that Baptism is absolutely required for salvation, only that those who can, must, and some people are interpreting it way over-literally.
“Hell is other people.” - Sartre
I’ll go with Judaism. An afterlife so boring, many Jews aren’t concerned whether it even exists.
The lights go out, folks and that’s it.
Or, to quote George Carlin, I hope they promoted everyone and didn’t just cut them loose in space.