OP could buy the Straight Dope and remake it in his spudly image.
Hookers and blow. $100,000 per day. Leaving room for some rest days that should add up to about $30 million per year. Figuring in inflation, call it $31 million for the 2nd year, $32 for the 3rd year and so on.
Depending on how your investments work out that should last 40 or 50 years. I’m not sure how old you are; do you have any SocSec that will kick in when you run out?
How do you do $100,000 in cocaine a day? A kilo of highly pure is 20k or so and should last you a very very long time (unless you do too much, get paranoid and flush the rest down the toilet, then have to call your dealer to buy more like Nikki Sixx used to do).
Even hookers aren’t that expensive for a billionaire. They should only be a few hundred each at most.
Hookers and drugs seem like they’d cost at most 2-3k a day and thats assuming you are seeing 6-10 hookers a day.
I’ve already said that I’m in my upper 50’s so even with a primo escort I’d probably be done with that adventure in a few hours and a few grand. Although the ensuing divorce would probably take up a considerable amount of the billion.
I liked the idea in the Indy Star today that I could field an Indy car team for the rest of my life with me as the driver. Sure, I’d come in last every year but I’d have a blast doing so. I’d get the car specially built with turn signals and have them turned on right the full way. Picking my sponsors (who I’d probably have to pay) could be just as fun as the race.
That was a good hook up. Worn it every day for the past few weeks and considering getting one for each of my boys. Makes the top down season last a bit longer. I’ll get you a jacket of your choosing and pay for a full restoration of your MG.
Now we just have to wait for that formality of them telling me I won.
Buy Trump Tower. Blow it up.
Oh, hell buy the Whitehouse. And evict the current tenants. I call dibs on the Lincoln bedroom. And the pool will be coming back.
I am getting rid of the kitchen staff and hiring Bobby Flay and Jamie Oliver.
I want a whole platoon of Pretty Marines, in dress blues, to walk around the grounds and do chores and guard me and mine. And I am getting a pet crow.
Blowing it up is too pedestrian. I was thinking more like the end of Real Genius where they put a gigantic Jiffy Pop in Jerry’s house and used the laser to pop it all. I think popcorn blowing out the windows of Trump Tower would be EPIC!!!
Having just gotten another email from Weta Workshop, I’ve decided I would have to add another room to my house for collectibles, and then I’d buy one of everything they every made. Should keep someone busy, since a lot of their stuff is limited run. Maybe have a room with dioramas set up for all the major LOTR locations.
What do you mean by that? Did you call “dibs?” I called “dibs.”
To put it more succinctly: Get in line.
Oh, not need to go through all of that trouble. Just send the quarter megabuck and I’ll take care of everything! 
(Glad you like G&B’s products.)
On a related note, you should invest in the development of petite lap giraffes, or possibly some AI to ensure the end of humanity.
Hire the Voltaggio brothers to make you dinner once a week. To get the best out of them, make them compete. Whoever makes the meal you decide to finish gets $50,000.00
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you will have nowhere near a billion, I’m afraid. In fact, your payout will be not much more than half that.
The cash option for the current $1.6 billion is $913 million.
You’re going to owe the top federal tax rate (37%) on basically the whole of the amount, so that means you’ll have to cut a check to the IRS for about $337 million . Your location says Indiana, which means you’ll owe about 3.4% in state taxes as well, reducing your total by another $31 million.
That will leave you with only about $545 million after your obligations to Uncle Sam and the state of Indiana. Spend it wisely!
I’d have a summer house on an island off Vancouver, a cozy towering cabin on the water, and a winter house in Chile, a majestic estate with a vineyard. Then I would probably just jerk off all the time.
First thing I would do is move from Indiana, tbh.
But, seriously, 545k large should buy you a nice Mediterranean or South Sea island somewhere.
Well, if you are smart you’ll basically do what Wesley said in the first post of this thread, just spend the $40 million/year on whatever stuff you like. If I were going to just blow the money I’d probably put a bunch into a trip around the moon and a classic muscle car collection as well as a fleet of Tesla cars (one for each day of the week). Oh, and a fully stocked forge.
It’s really up to you wrt how you want to blow your money. Like to travel? You could do a trip to Europe or whatever floats your boat, or year long cruise. I could easily think of things I could do with $40 million a year…hell, I could live like a king on $4 million a year and basically have all my needs and wants taken care of (I don’t actually need a Tesla for every day of the week…one would be more than sufficient).
Hubby and I are older, never had children, and don’t love our relatives all THAT much, so I’ll rule out setting up a family foundation, making it last a long time AND the ban on charity and doing good that the OP asked for.
What I’d do: Create the Great Plains Grassland Park.
Start by buying land – I hear there’s a bunch of areas with really cheap ex-farmland that turned out to be not fertile or wet enough for intensive farming. Burn down the houses and raze all the buildings. Bulldoze the rubble to fill in the cellars. Maybe tear up the streets, too, or maybe just nature take care of that.
Then you bring in the buffalo. Thousands, if they exist to be bought, otherwise hundreds and let nature take its course again. With the population doubling each year, I should have thundering herds in practically no time. Then bring in some wolf packs to cull the weak/deformed/old ones. My herds will be PRIMO!
I’d let the railroad tracks stay. For a suitable price you can roll through my fabulous park and marvel at raw Nature from the comfort of the observation cars.
Heck, people I like can shoot an occasional buffalo. From the caboose. And I’ll have minions to collect the body of your victim, butcher and process it, and deliver you a freezer full of neatly packaged buffalo meat AND a tanned buffalo hide!
I should look at those lists of the best places to live in America that are often published. I’ll find a place that routinely shows up in first or near the top.
Oh, wait… that is my city.
Not saying I wouldn’t buy houses in several other places though but I’d keep a base here.
I just like the idea of paying people $1,000 apiece for anyone and everyone willing to present me with photographic proof that they have mooned president Trump.
Any Congressperson willing to do this on camera during Trump’s next State-of-the-Union address would receive a $50,000,000 dollar campaign donation.