What should I do with this giant piece of paper? (10 feet by 6 feet)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So I’m at work, and not much work is being done this week. Boss is in Russia, there are things to be done but the pace is very slow. I work in an office with not very many other people, and my coworker/pal and I have quite a bit of space to ourselves.

So yesterday the messenger guy brings a box of posters to me which has been absolutely murdered by Airborne Express. Mangled, flattened, ripped apart, and badly taped back together. There was seriously less than 50% of the box left, and the posters, which should have been neatly and safely rolled inside, were sticking out (there wasn’t enough box left to fully contain them) and visibly mangled, bent, and slightly ripped.

Now, if this was an important shipment, I’d get to (A) call and bitch at Airborne Express, which I might enjoy when they are so clearly in the wrong, and (B) call someone to replace the posters. But they’re not important, and we don’t need to send them anywhere or do anything with them.

Something inside me won’t let me just throw them away, however. Something says, you’ve got to do something with these stupid mangled posters, make something out of them. These are thick paper, double-sided, movie theatre style posters (27" by 40"), and there are ten of them.

I am planning to tape 9 of these babies into one really giant sheet of paper (120" by 71", or 10 feet by nearly six feet, as the subject said).

Dopers, I need your help on brainstorming a creative way to destroy/alter/create this gigantic piece of paper into something weird and wonderful.

My first couple of ideas:

1. Giant paper airplane
PRO: Easy to construct.
PRO: We have a balcony from which to launch.
CON: May be too heavy to fly.
CON: Might damage passing cars or disembowel important executives.
CON: We’d have to go down and clean it up after.

2. One of those newspaper-hat style folded hats
PRO: Would probably last quite a while.
CON: Would have to look up how to actually make one.
CON: Probably too big and heavy to wear for long.

What do you say? Go nuts. If I get a really good suggestion, I’ll do it, and take a picture.

2

Put it up on the wall and have everyone draw on it like they were three year olds with mom’s lipstick.

3

Staple two together bit leave the bottom unstapled, as well as arm and neck holes, get a secretary to wear it (Especially if she has on fishnets and high heels), and call it the Paper Back Micro™ complete with Beatles in the background as you video the office fashion show.

4

Make a boat out of it. Float it in a pond somewhere…

5

Step 1: Clear area on floor large enough to lay the papers flat.

Step 2: Make sure there is at least two feet of clear space around all sides of the paper.

Step 3: Lay down on the side of the short ends of the paper.

Step 4: Grasp the top of the long edge closest to you and hold tightly. Have your coworker hold the opposite end on the side you are laying on.

Step 5: Roll yourself up in the paper like a giant burrito.

6

Use two stapled together and make a tent over your desk.

7

Can you say giant origami? I’ve got some really easy instructions to make a flapping bird, it’s kinda stork-like. Analagous to the Japanese tradition of paper-folding 1000 cranes, which I believe signifies peace. Do you have 1000 sheets of the stuff, may get you in Guiness?

8

I just gotta ask - what were these things supposed to be in the first place? Why is it that you got them delivered but you weren’t going to do anything with them.

I’m confused… :confused:

9

As far as the hat goes, why not make a 2 person hat? It’s nice to share.

Otherwise make a strange cryptic sign and leave it in a public place.

Or eat it. Just to prove you can.

10

You’re right, FairyChatMom. I was kind of vague on the specifics, but they aren’t critical to the mission at hand.

I work at a (to remain nameless) film company. Normally I would get a handful of these posters, just like the ones you might see at your local multiplex, and hang a couple around the office, give some away to the staff, send them to anyone that might be able to use them. Honestly, a lot of them end up in the recycle bin anyway, since they insist on sending them in groups of 10 and 20, and we can’t really use more than 3-4.

But, in addition to being manhandled, these posters are for a (nameless) really subpar, kind of embarrassing movie that we don’t care to promote or celebrate. And we don’t have to. But if they were “Return of The King” posters, you bet we’d be ordering replacements.

11

Cut them up and make a new poster starring YOU!

Coming soon to a theatre near you! Spurious George in the hilarious new comedy Spurious George and the Giant Paper Airplane

Critics say

"This is the feel good movie of 2003!. - NY Times
“Hilarious” - Entertainment Tonight
“I wish I had done this movie” - Steven Spielberg

I really would like to see the giant paper airplane though.

12

You won’t get a very good paper airplane with standard design, seeing as how you’re using ripped up mangled flimsy paper that’s taped together. I can’t imagine that would be terribly stable.

13

Ryle Dup: True, but this is very thick, high quality glossy paper. It would sustain its shape a lot better than standard white paper.

I’m leaning towards origami so far. I’ll update everyone on the project tomorrow, when it rounds out a thrilling work week. :slight_smile:

Lyllyan, I like it, very funny.

14

Gift wrapping. Wrap a giant box, send it to your local senator, and leave it empty except for a dildo.

15

Well, if you got enough weed, invite some friends over.

16

See if you can fold it in half eight times. :stuck_out_tongue:

17

Give somebody a wicked paper cut.

18

Do one of those grade school girlie hand orgami things that you write a variety of words on various planes/folds like Love/marriage, boy you have a crush on/boy you think is a dork, baby/career, money or fame…

Think of the fun.

What the hell are those things called, anyways?

19

Make an origami 1920’s style “Death Ray.” Of course, it would be non-functioning, but it would still look cool.

20

Make this dragon optical illusion. It will take some time to draft. I had one sitting on my monitor for the longest time. The little one is cute. A big one will be creepy.

And this airplane is amazing. Discover Magazine ran an article on it in 1979 (if I remember correctly). I would love to see video of a huge one flying.