What skills and knowledge would I need to defeat a gorilla in hand to hand combat?

Make that smoothly pull the trigger several times.

What if you were willing to sacrifice your non-dominant hand? Suppose you reached out with your left hand, enticing the gorilla to go after it, and with your right hand reached in and removed one of his eyeballs. Surely having an eyeball pulled out of its socket would incapacitate even an angry gorilla?

But surely having a left hand pulled out of its socket would incapacitate even an angry gorilla-fighter?

I don’t know about you, but losing a hand tends to ruin my whole day.

Travel to lone Kung fu master in the mountains of China and learn Five-Point-Palm Exploding Heart Technique.

Bear in Sherman tank vs. Gorilla with Panzerfaust.

Why guess? Looks like a midnight trip to the zoo is in order…

If you had a boar spear- maybe. :dubious:

I vote for attaching a shiny thingamajig to the ring on a hand grenade, and then giving it to the gorilla. :smiley:

As far as I’m concerned, we have a winner.
:slight_smile:

Don’t forget to run and jump behind something solid. Modern hand grenades have a 15 meter kill radius.

Drive up to gorilla in D4 bulldozer.
Reach around blade, hand gorilla grenade with fruit tied to ring on a long pole.
Shift into reverse.
Drive like hell, keeping blade between yourself and the great ape.

Also remember that once the pin is pulled Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend.

Nitpick: The sensible paleolithic would be using a pretty good club or other blunt weapon, or possibly even a crude sling, but not a spear. For a spear, you’d either need a sharpened stone point, or a wood point whittled sharp with a stone knife, and in either case sharpened stone tools put you, by definition, in the neolithic age.

And I’m not sure I’d make the blanket statement that our muscles are “inferior”, either. Our leverage is not as conducive to exerting large forces, but it is better for quick, low-force movements (such as, say, throwing things, one thing we’re really good at compared to other animals).

My trip to the zoo in the rain was a total disaster, not in the least because the Head Chimp nailed Mrs. Plant with a dirt clod in the eye (yes, thank G-d, dirt) at fifty feet.

I have no idea if this is true or not, but it was told to me by my physical anthropology professor in undergrad in the mid 90’s: he said that gorrillas, despite being powerhouses, are extremely non-agressive, and the only verified instance of an uprovoked attack on a human was when a guy suprised one when they were both making their way through some tall grass. The gorrilla freaked out, took one wild swing before he booked it, and broke the guy’s jaw.

So, assuming this was true, the best knowledge you can attain to survive hand-to-hand combat with a gorrilla is how to avoid tall grass in gorilla country.

Now, let’s see the monkey try the same thing with a 16 inch naval rifle from 15 miles away with the aid of a targeting drone. Humans are MUCH better at flinging stuff long distances. :smiley:

Apes. They are apes. :slight_smile:

Oh, our close kin are pretty good throwers, as animals go. I won’t deny that. But we’re still much better than them at it. Even a nerd like me could easily beat that chimp’s throw (using unaugmented muscle power alone, wise guys).

Nuts.

Gorillas have killed keepers in zoos.

In emergency, disregard “smoothly” :D.

I think we’re talking BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click!… here.