Well that one’s definitely not useless…
Like Autolycus, I can do the Donald Duck voice (a skill best suited to entertaining small children). Like FloatyGimpy, I also do Kermit the Frog. I used to do a good Miss Piggy, but I haven’t done this one for awhile.
Like Bosda, I’m also good at choosing gifts.
None of these odd talents have ever translated to $$$ for me though.
I used to be able to milk a cow, and throw a lasso and actually rope something. Alas, I am seriously out of practice in both areas.
I can spin a record album jacket on my finger for hours. Except I don’t have any record album jackets anymore.
Fairly useless, since I’m not a truck driver. I can maneuver and back up trailers. Really, really well. When we go camping we pull our camper and boat at the same time. I can back the entire rig into a campsite if necessary.
Trivia ability, timesense, read inordinately fast with a high retention, pick up foreign languages easily.
I also have pretty much the optimal way to complete Eye of the Beholder 1 memorized, enough so that I was able to walk someone through it over the phone starting about one third of the way in. [I spent 2 months post surgery playing it through once a day alternating with Dark Seed. I can also win that without resorting to someone elses walkthrough] I can close my eyes and see my walkthrough to EOB still. If I can find my program floppies for EOB 1 2 and 3 I might see if I can get my old compaq to behave and run them. I could go for an old school dungeon crawl. Might be a hoot to set up the compaq with my old noninternet games for the next power outage.
I don’t count it as useless but I can understand people who don’t speak my language. A little. Sort of. Enough to get by.
Like when we travel, and find ourselves, in some backwater, climbing off a bus at 2 am, no English speakers for mile, and need to find rooms. They know I don’t speak their language, they are gesturing and trying to make me understand. I can usually figure out what they are trying to tell us, pretty quick. Usually it’s just me and my husband. I didn’t really understand it was a gift, until I was with a whole group of people and was the only one who could make anything out of what they were trying to say to us. They were all impressed and felt certain I must surely speak some Urdu, Bahasa, Malay, whatever.
This has been a remarkably handy skill, as I like to travel. It is, however, almost completely useless once I am back in the West, so I never get to show it off.
I can repair and assemble fencing weaponry.
I can edit audiotape with a razor blade, splice tape and a splice block (boy, is THIS a useless skill nowadays.)
I play the slide whistle.
Now, if I can just find a job that involves all three.
What weapons are needed to attack fences?
Word games like Scrabble and Boggle.
I can almost always break into a locked house.
I can milk goats.
I can wiggle my ears, raise my eyebrows independently and twitch my nostrils.
I can make aggressive dogs relax and not want to bite me (this is sometimes useful.)
To my everlasting disappointment, I’ve never been able to master tying a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. I can, however, make you a blow-job to go out of a bar napkin.
A Wet Trout.
Here, let me show you…
<SLAPS Boyo Jim With Aforemention Killer Kipper>
Uhh, what?
Also, not a useless skill.
I’m the uncrowned world champion at Puyo Puyo.
I don’t speak J. I have less than a tourist’s understanding when it comes to speaking. I’m good at listening and figuring things out. Pantimine tends to work very well for me 
The lady in question was under concious sedation. She was awake but very drugged. I think that her daughter didn’t understand because she came from an ENGLISH only household. We did talk about it while the lady was under the knife.
The whole thing was very surreal.
However…I think that I can talk J to J ferals. Here’s the trap, here’s the stinky gooshy food…get your pretty rump in the trap NOW!!!
Can you explain what the heck that is supposed to mean? :dubious:
In the original HALO game, I am a precision artist with the rocket launcher. Usually.
I give good advice, generally. Which is weird, since my own life is such an unstoppable train wreck, but when my friends need to talk something out they often turn to me.
Based on feedback, I give some pretty good oral to ladies, but this is a worthless skill at the moment. Dang it.