When I was just getting into Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, my brother told me that Claire Torrey, the jazz singer whose wailing vocals punctuate “The Great Gig in the Sky,” was dying of cancer when the album was recorded, hence her saying “I never said I was frightened of dying” in the song. Total rubbish. I’m just glad I never mentioned this BS to some other Floyd aficionado before I recognized it for what it is: another time bomb planted in my brain by my big bro.
I am the oldest brother, and thus far all of my lies remain unexposed. 
I was well into adulthood before I realized that something my mother told me was a lie. When I asked her what ‘cling peaches’ meant, she said that there were two types of peaches, ‘cling’ and ‘freestone’. But contrary to what you might think, with freestone peaches the fruit sticks to the pit, and with cling peaches the fruit detaches easily. Sounds odd, doesn’t it? Just one of life’s little oddities.
I was also well into adulthood before I realized how annoying my constant questions must have been.
I eat all the worms,
And spit out the germs,
I’m Popeye the Sailorman.
Are you sure it was a lie, and not a mistake on her part? I mean, sure moms lie to their kids all the time (sending Fido off to live on a farm, anyone?) but to just switch the meanings of cling and freestone?
Of course, my mother odd, so I can’t actually talk…
No, it’s the sort of thing my mother would have done. We were at the supermarket and it was one of those times I was constantly asking questions (which was pretty much all the time).
Interestingly enough, she wouldn’t have lied about Fido. We weren’t allowed to have pets. “Why not?” “Because pets die, and you’ll be really sad.” (not said quite so mean as it sounds (or quite as flippantly as I phrased it)).
When I was in seventh grade I convonced my little brother that one of my friends and I had invented a new kind of explosive in science class. It was C-5, that is it was like C-4 only better. I told him I would give him some in few days when we made another batch. He was runnin’ around for weeks braggin’ about how he was gonna get some C-5 and blow stuff up. Then when he had abunch of friend over I said, in front of all of them, “You know I made that up, right? We didn’t actually make any C-5. In fact, C-5 isn’t even real.” Good times (for me).
Other than that all I’ve even done was use big, important sounding words, that were also complete made up. He called me them about half of the time, but it was classic to hear him telling my parents that about how obstankuus he was!
I learned the next few lines as:
“I eat all the junk,
And I smell like a skunk.
I’m Popeye the Sailor Maaan!”
I never heard the worms/germs version.
You realize how much better this could have been if you just gave him some playdough, right?
His name was Sammy! I was 5 when he went to train as a sheepdog and about 18 before I questioned it.
At the time of the Apollo program (yes, I’m pretty old), me and my brother were arguing about whether anyone had ever actually been to the moon. At that point they hadn’t and i said so, but he clinched the argument by telling me that Yuri Gargarin had actually taken one step onto the moon, but been strangled by a space monster. I was 6, he was 8, I bowed to his greater experience and gravitas.
About a year later, the 1st moon landing was imminent and I expressed my concerns at the dinner table. It was some kind of special sunday and the whole extended family were there. When I said they shouldn’t go because of the space monsters, they laughed. Filled with the absolute confidence that you only get when you know you’re on a winner, I said ‘Ok, if there’s no such thing as space monsters, what killed Yuri Gargarin then?’
My brother joined in the laughter with not a hint of embarrassment.
My big brother used to force me to eat cereal with bugs in it. It wasn’t until many years later that I took a closer look at that long-forgotten cereal. Apparently, little black (bug-like) specks have always been on Puffed Rice cereal.
…I figure he’ll be going into a nursing home first…then, it’s time for Mr. Revenge!
My sister told me all sorts of horrible things:
that the blue in blue cheese is scraped off of grout in showers (still can’t eat the stuff)
that the banging the heating pipes made was from an old man stuck in the wall (still get the willies when I visit my parents in the winter)
that the Blob was going to come through the toilet and get me (still feel anxious being in the same room as a flushing toilet)
The one lie that I remember that I believed for many years is one my father told me: Jimi Hendrix is really saying “'scuse me while I kiss this guy” because it was the 60’s and “people experimented a lot then” and of course I believed Papa because a) he knew everything and 2) he was in a rock band in the 60s. I was in maybe 7th grade when he told me this, possibly younger. I told all my friends, and luckily they believed me…
Santa is our dad. We even caught him putting toys under the tree. But now I see that there is no Santa at all.
One of my older brothers told me, when we visited the Arch in St. Louis, that the little elevator pods went up the Arch right side up, then rolled down. I only believed him for a second before I saw the evil grin.
But when we went to St. Louis in September, we were sitting in the pod with a woman from Chicago. I laughingly said what Tony had told me, and she nearly passed out.
Yes, some Big Brother Lies are transferable. 
My big sister told me that Peanut butter is made in a large factory where immigrant workers chew up the peanuts and spit them into the jars. Crunchy peanut butter is made by the workers who don’t have all their teeth.
I once promised my Brother that if he picked up a CD for me for nothing, I would give him the first $50 I found floating down the river on a millstone.
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[li]He went for it.[/li][li]I [del]stole[/del] borrowed the gag from Mark Twain.[/li][li]Tommy, my bro, was 28 at the time. :D[/li][/list]
For some peculiar reason my older brother told me that they grew bananas in Iceland. ("Sure, it’s got a lot of ice in the winter, but the summers are just right for bananas!) And for some equally peculiar reason I felt compelled to share this with my fourth grade teacher. She didn’t actually tell me I was wrong, but I got the idea that I might not have a firm grasp on all the facts.
Now that I think about it I’m going to have to ask him about this the next time I see him.
The first time I saw a “trespassers will be prosecuted” sign, I had no clue what it meant. So I asked an older cousin. He told me it meant they would cut off your penis if you crossed into the property :eek:
I looked it up in a dictionary a few months later, because I kept wondering why those people would want to cut off a penis!
I don’t know when, and I don’t know how, but I’m definitely going to have to use this one.
Damn, I wish I had thought of that!