This thread jogged my memory. MAD Magazine had a similar article, “Television Writer’s Rule Book” in issue #255 (June 1985). It had items like:
and
Everyone’s hair is always perfectly combed. If it does get messed up, by the time the camera angle changes, its neatly combed again.
GregAtlana wrote:
“On Law & Order, no one can seem to stand still when being interviewed by cops.”
Greg, you are so right! I noticed this too, and it drives me nutty. In fact, I can’t watch L&O anymore – even though I “love” the show – because the whole routine is so formulaic. They’ve been making the same show over and over for ten+ years now.
The body always discovered inadvertantly by kindly but utterly oblivious – and never to to seen again – strangers. (Just once, I want them to be the one who killed the victim!)
The first – and obvious – lead is always a blind alley.
Interviewees are always gruff, indifferent and busy. Family members of the victim are always sniveling, obliging and remember nothing of any use whatsoever. Nothing. Sorry. Oh, except that Johnny DID mention that he just met with a new business partner from Colombia. I’m sure it’s not important though.
Witnesses always “just happen” to remember the license plate number, or that it was a '96 Celica – with funny custom wheels… the kind that only one little shop in Queens carries.
The detectives can be handed a mountian of files, ledgerbooks and phone records, and they always manage to find the one document showing the “suspicious” phone call or bank deposit that breaks the case wide open.
Ant information or record that can be found on a computer database can always be called up on the first try with one mouseclick or keystroke.
The DA (Steven Hill, I love him) always encourages the ADA to settle because he doesn’t have a strong case, or “the papers will have a field day with this one.” OR, he tells him to persue relentlessly despite the flimsiest of evidence because justice, dammit, must be served.
The defense lawyers and judges always have an arsenel of wisecracks and comebacks that would make Jackie Mason jealous.
And on, and on…
Not only do TV characters never look for a parking space, they never have to straighten their car out when parking; parallel parking NEVER happens unless there’s a plot purpose. There’s always an enormous gap of at least a three-car length that the car can just whip right in to.
On top of that, no one ever locks their car, nor do they even take their keys with them! Ever see a character pocket his keys after getting out of a car? Ever see a character take his keys out of his pocket and unlock a car door? For that matter, ever see a character take his keys out of his pocket at all? No, they just hop into the car and start it right up.
When amazed, people take off their glasses for a better view of the amazing thing.
Maybe this goes back to everybody being farsighted, not nearsighted.
My husband the optician complains that most of the time when characters are wearing glasses, they’re just empty frames, not even window-panes. Avoids irritating reflections is my guess.
“Daddy is an idiot” as a sitcom device predates the Cosby Show. I think it goes back to Make Room for Daddy. Cosby’s show ran during the 1980s, and on The Bob Newhart Show which ran during the 1970’s, Bob (the actor) insisted that Bob & Emily Hartley not have any kids because he didn’t want daddy (ie himself) portrayed as an idiot.
Back to the OP, my least favorite TV convention is when a group of people are talking while walking down a busy street, two by two, the 2 people in back can always clearly hear every word the 2 people in front say.
There are no useful police in a Soap Opera. If there are police, they are useless and perform no actualy function.
Murder/Rape/Terrorist Threats? You’ll get a few “months”. But really you’ll be back in a few weeks.
L&O: There is also “Morality” play episode. Where the whole show seems to be a buildup for a supposedly wise quip from the ADA of the season, or the DA.
(Side note: Can I have Munch and Lenny in the same episode? Please? I want the two cynics on the same case for once.)
And another thing: Why are you wasting Belzer on L&O: Sex Crimes Unit?
Oh, and has there been a show where the guy with glasses is actually the suave romantic? Didn’t think so.
Philster, the husband-as-moron goes waaaaaay back before “The Cosby Show”. In TV, at the latest, it began with “The Honeymooners”. Another pre-Cosby example is “All in the Family”.
On the silver screen, I can’t speak with much certainty – my early screen fetish only extends to screwball comedies (where basically everyone, male and female, were dolts) and film noir/Bogart flicks (where everyone was very bright and fatally flawed). As a WAG, the husband-as-moron existed before Ralph Kramden.
Sua
I watch the show The Golden Girls constantly, at least 4 times a day. And you are right, the show is very funny, however they never laugh at themselves.
Sua, I’m with yu-a!
I think the husband-as-dolt is a carryover from radio.
The BIG exception to the H-A-D rule, of course, was the Burns & Allen Show (Radio and TV); there Gracie was the (sweet) knucklehead and George was the (straightman) smartguy.
Okay. Dumb husbands definitely predate the 1980’s. As a big fan of The Honeymooners, I should have realized that.
But, overall, it is quite bizzare that every TV husband now to be a jack-ass. I guess the husband-as-an-idiot role was balanced by other husbands who were role models, or had some brains, in TV’s earlier days.
The overall theme today is one were the guy is a dope.
I still want to bitch-slap that Rashad woman on Cosby though…
Jill from Home Improvement could stand a bitch-slappin’ too…
Ditto for the wife on “King of Queens”, “Everybody Loves Raymond”, “Mad About You”…
Searching some stranger’s home or office for something important, they always manage to find it. And this is in a totally unfamiliar place! I wish I could find my own[ stuff so easily!
Or maybe they aren’t looking for anything in particular, they’re just rummaging around hoping to find something. And an innocuous photo or receipt jumps out and suddenly they can figure it all out. Heck, I have about 3 million scraps of paper in my desk, and I wish these tv people would come over and tell me what they all mean!
Whenever the other person on the phone hangs up, the person onscreen always hears a dial tone.
The thing I love about “The Drew Carry Show” is that they DO laugh at themselves on a fairly regular basis.
and when they’re looking something up on the internet, they find something immediately and DON’T get diverted by SD…
And, when they use a computer that has absolutely no resemblence to any real working piece of equipment (keys that beep, really hokey-looking dumbed down message boxes on screen, interfaces that are unlike anything in use today). With a majority of the people in America either using a computer at work or in school, or owning one… it’s like reworking the interior of a car.
…if ever disconnected, and you are on TV, make sure you repeatedly hit the hang up button, and maybe say “Operator…operator…”. Duh.
…if ever disconnected, and you are on TV, make sure you repeatedly hit the hang up button, and maybe say “Operator…operator…”. Duh.
It seems that every time someone on TV is playing a video game, the sounds are clearly those of Pacman for the Atari 2600. Is this a royalty thing? Illuminati conspiracy?
>Rude comebacks never have consequences. Instead of getting mad, the victim has a dumbfounded look for a second and then they cut to another scene.
>Despite the fact that everyone knows that phone numbers starting with “555” are fake, they’re still using them. (although on the Simpsons Chief Wiggam once said, “555? Aw, that’s gotta be fake.”) Why not use fake area codes since we’re using them more and more?
Hi everybody,
This thread finally inspired me to get off my duff and register. You’ll all probably regret that. . .
Ever notice how burglars on TV or in the movies use a glass cutter to cut a small circle on the outside of a windowpane and then pull the glass out, giving them a nice neat hole to reach through so they can unlock the window and gain entry to the house containing the [crown jewels/sleeping victim/rare manuscript/incriminating letter]?
It can’t happen that way! In high school and college I worked for my father, who repairs windows for a living. When you use a glass cutter all you’re doing is scoring the top of the glass to create a “fault line” that will enable the glass to crack evenly and in a straight line when you tap it with the end of the cutter. By necessity, the line is shallow and does not go all the way through the glass. Trying to cut through the entire thickness would cause you to shatter the piece you’re working on.
In order for the burglar to pull the cut piece out of the window, he would have to have cut both sides of the glass in exactly the same spot and finesse it enough to keep the pressure he has to exert on both sides of this precision-cut line from shattering the entire window. So if he’s been inside already, why does he have to go in through the window?
Now, most non-glaziers probably don’t give a whit, but it annoys me. It’s almost as annoying as when the sheriff in “The Dukes of Hazzard” used to jump a gully in a Plymouth and land on the other side in a Dodge.
Regards,
Zappo
Also, when you call someplace, be sure to ask if they are the business you are looking for, as in someone calling the florist’s, "ring, ring, ‘Hello, Snappy Florist’s? I want to place an order’ ".
Never mind that just about all businesses answer the phone with their name, you just need to make sure the viewers know who you are calling.