What the hell is that? Fungus lovers assemble!

[vibrotronica]

This is currently growing on a tree stump on my property. What the hell is it? Yes, I know it’s some kind of fungus, but what kind? Is it going to grow to the size of a man and take on my shape, eventually replacing me and creating more replicating pods? If I eat it, will I trip or die? What, if any, action should I take to defend myself and my property against it? Should I make an attempt to communicate with it, or just kill it with fire?

It appears to be growing rapidly, so prompt responses are appreciated.

[BrandonR]

I have a feeling your property’s location is going to play a big role in this discussion so you should probably go ahead and post its general region/locale…

[Zambini57]

I don’t know what kind of fungi they are, but one of them has an enormous schwanstucker.

[scm1001]

what ever you do stay away. It is highy dangerous and has been know to eat people. :eek:
I think it is a species of Stemonits, slighlty more fused than in the link
see Stemonitis

[Terminus_Est]

Your pictures are titled “weird fungus”. Calling a fungus “weird” is redundant. All fungi are weird.

[thirdname]

@BrandonR

I have a feeling your property’s location is going to play a big role in this discussion so you should probably go ahead and post its general region/locale…

His profile says Memphis, so the property is most likely either in Tennessee or Egypt.

[vibrotronica]

Chocolate Tube Slime?

Although many slime mold species fruit on wood they do not form a penetrating and absorptive mass of hyphae in the wood substrate. Rather, slime molds form structures called plasmodia which are naked (i.e., without cell walls) masses of protoplasm which can move and engulf particles of food in an amoeboid manner.

Moving? As in “under its own power”?

@wikipedia entry "Slime Mould"

The cellular slime moulds or dictyostelids take the form of individual amoebae, but under stress aggregate to form a multicellular assembly called a pseudoplasmodium or slug. This migrates to a new location, then forms into a fruiting body, usually with a stalk formed from dead amoebae.

So I’ve got the chocolate tube slime exodus on my front porch?

[elelle]

Yeah, Baby, call Jim Dickinson and his good Mud Boy Memphis minions, and make a Festival of it!

[Mangetout]

@vibrotronica

Moving? As in “under its own power”?

Yes, although not when it’s in this fruiting phase.

Slime mo(u)lds are fascinating things - they’re halfway (IMO) between single-celled and multicellular life - collections of distinct independent amoebae that coalesce and co-operate in order to reproduce. The really interesting thing is that, in forming the fruiting body, many of the individuals end up forming part of the stalk or other structure and don’t contribute directly to the reproductive process.

They’re obviously not the evolutionary bridge between unicellular and multicellular life, but they’re an excellent illustration of the sort of way it could have happened.