Real, true to life, not-a-fad-diagnosis ADD. I joke around about it sometimes, but that’s how I get by, by poking gentle fun at myself (I do it with my weight and crooked teeth, too). I’m supposed to take my meds twice a day, but I loathe doing it so much. I also often just forget to.
There is a thread about pills in IMHO, and I answered facetiously in that one. I am really weird about taking pills. I feel like it’s changing who I am. I’ve been on “prozac” style meds in the past, and that shit doesn’t make you happy at all. It makes you numb. You don’t feel sad, because you don’t feel anything. This was years ago, and perhaps they’ve come up with something better, but my experiences left me a little sour, and very wary.
Some people ask if I hate ADD so much, why not do the lesser of two evils and take the meds? Well, sometimes I do. I can’t give you a good answer. There are a lot of things about myself I hate, but I feel taking a pill isn’t always the answer. I don’t knock the people who do; if it works for them, and they are happy, then I am glad for them. That’s good. But it’s not my thing.
On bad days, I talk a lot, mostly rambling but speaking very fast, can’t concentrate well, and sometimes sit for long periods of time, not doing anything, because there is so much going on in my head, instead of picking one thing and doing it, I remain inert. I ask for instructions to be repeated, not because I’m stupid, but because I wasn’t listening. I’ll apologise in earnest, too, because I really wanted to be listening. I’ll even be looking at you and nodding my head.
And then, completely unexpectedly, I’ll become super focused on one specific thing and be able to do it exceedingly well. My interest level doesn’t seem to matter. Sometimes it happens with something I love, sometimes it doesn’t.
I go out of my way to fight against it, without the meds. Sometimes when sitting inert, I will force myself to do something else, even though I’m running on “autopilot” - I’m not really there. I try to be upfront about the problem with people I meet, though sometimes this doesn’t work. I’m not bragging. I don’t do the “my disease is cooler than yours”. I just want people to understand, seriously, I’m not stupid, I’m not staring because you have mayonaise on your chin, I’m not talking fast because I’m in a hurry/need to prove something/want to bug the hell out of you - I can’t help it. But I’m trying hard to help it. Though I admit, sometimes trying harder just makes it worse.
Sigh.
) and right now I’m recovering from tendonitis in my left foot and it’s all taped up and weird. I’m taking anti-inflammatory medicine for that.