What they say/what it really means

[Cicero]

@MEBuckner

Heh. This thread made me think of the article Personals from the old Brunching Shuttlecocks website.

Also, for a female:

Athletic build = flat chested.

[Lobsang]

@mangeorge

“Let us/me help you to” means “let me sell you something”.

For me, this (or rather “Can I help?”) means

“I’m going to make you feel nervous and therefore less able to think freely and clearly about why you’re here, by looking expectantly at you and being pushy and annoying on the pretence that I am ‘helping’ you”

At which the temptation is to either reply…

“If I want your help I’ll ask for it”
or
“Fuck off”

[JimOfAllTrades]

Some from my business (package and custom software)

When they say:
Your project is coming along well.
They mean:
I’ll start on it next week.

When they say:
Sure, this software will run on your existing hardware.
They mean:
It will probably install and run, but it will be about as fast as molasses pouring out of a bucket at the south pole.

When they say:
Of course we can make that work.
They mean:
It will cost tem times as much, and you won’t like it anyway.

[Sunspace]

“Limited Edition!” = “We might have made fewer than a million of these.”

“Palm oil and/or coconut oil and/or tropical oil” = “We can’t remember what kind of oil we put in this batch. It was Friday night just before quitting time and Dave just poured the nearest barrel into the mixing vat.”

“Up to <amount> in rebates” and “Priced from <amount>” = We’re giving as little as we can while holding as much as we can. Quoted amounts may not bear any relation to what you’ll get or pay, especially after Legal’s been over the terms and conditions."

[AHunter3]

@MeanOldLady

I had a dog who I referred to as Blackie for several months because I couldn’t be bothered to come up with a name. My mom said, “You can’t call the dog that!” I said, “Why not?” When she just kind of grimaced at me instead of answering, it dawned on me, oh yeah, that. We might have gotten less flak for shouting “Blackie!” in public because we were (still are) black, but I would still imagine it would have been an unpleasant thing to hear for some people

Heh! That reminds me of one of my friends with a new doberman pup, trying to come up with a good name for her. As of one evening, she seemed to have gone with “Baby”, but when next I saw her she called the dog “Ebony”.

‘What happened to calling her Baby?’

So my friend describes this image she’d conjured up of herself standing in the yard and calling (using her 5-acre voice of course, since dogs do roam): BABY! BABY! HEY BABY!

[binjod]

When you ask someone if they want to get together, and they reply with “maybe”.

It really means they want to wait to see if somebody gives them a better offer before they commit to meeting up with you

[interface2x]

“No offense” - I plan to say something offensive but I want immunity.

“With all due respect” - be prepared because I’m about to say something very unflattering.

[Mahaloth]

I’m a teacher and I speak to weak parents frequently.

I can not tell you how many times I hear, “I’m not making excuses for my child, but…”

It always means, “I’m making excuses for my child.”

[LurkMeister]

@BigT

While I’ve heard it used for that, I’ve also heard it in another context. I saw this woman walk into the library. I smiled that little “Sorry I’m looking at you” smile, and she smiled back, and held it a little longer, so I similed back at her. She came over to sit across from me on one of the computers. I went back to what I was doing, looked up, and she was smiling at me, so I smiled back. I looked up a few more times, and she was doing the same thing. She then says “Oh, I’m sorry. You just look like someone I know. You have these kind eyes.” She later gives me her email address and tells me to write.

So I think it depends on context.

I have to admit that my comment was meant more as a joke than anything else, since she we’re still friends and she’s occasionally threatened to smack me when I make disparaging remarks about my looks.

[Lobsang]

I wish we could build up a societal defence against this habit and stamp it out once and for all by challenging these phrases immediately. (i.e. confront the sentence that begins “No offence” by saying “Can I stop you there. If you are going to say something offensive don’t begin with ‘No offence’… Continue”)

[enomaj]

“I don’t want to sound racist but…” means I’m going to say something racist but don’t want to be called on it. There was a McCain supporter in one of the McCain rally videos who led off with this and finished by saying “…I don’t want a black man running my country.”

[Icarus]

@Lobsang

I wish we could build up a societal defence against this habit and stamp it out once and for all by challenging these phrases immediately. (i.e. confront the sentence that begins “No offence” by saying “Can I stop you there. If you are going to say something offensive don’t begin with ‘No offence’… Continue”)

Honestly, it’s subtler than that. My interpretation is, “I need to say something and I can’t think of a way to say it that is unkind, and I really don’t want to sound unkind.” In other words, good manners.

[Baby_Driver]

@Icarus

Honestly, it’s subtler than that. My interpretation is, “I need to say something and I can’t think of a way to say it that is unkind, and I really don’t want to sound unkind.” In other words, good manners.

I think this is true. I also think there’s usually another way to say it that is a little less unkind, if the speaker really made an effort to find it.

[mangeorge]

@Baby_Driver

I think this is true. I also think there’s usually another way to say it that is a little less unkind, if the speaker really made an effort to find it.

“Damn, woman, you’re not skinny are you”. “Nope, nobody’s gonna call you skinny”. “Damn”.
Howzat?

[Thudlow_Boink]

“No pun intended” = I may not have intended to make that pun, but I want to make sure it doesn’t go unnoticed!

[mangeorge]

@Thudlow_Boink

“No pun intended” = I may not have intended to make that pun, but I want to make sure it doesn’t go unnoticed!

I looked all over this thread for your pun before it finally sank in that there was no pun. :smack:

[Chefguy]

@mangeorge

I looked all over this thread for your pun before it finally sank in that there was no pun. :smack:

“She has a kind face.” Yeah, the kind you want to smack with a shovel.

[Dogzilla]

IME, when someone says, “It’s not about the money, it’s the principle,” it’s usually about the money.

[enomaj]

@Dogzilla

IME, when someone says, “It’s not about the money, it’s the principle,” it’s usually about the money.

“It’s not about the money, it’s about the love of the game.”

Wait, didn’t you hold out/miss training camp/opt out on your current contract to test the market/leave behind loyal fans for the Yankees/Lakers/Patriots/Red Wings?

[Illuminatiprimus]

“I’m not trying to be difficult” yet strangely enough they manage to make things more difficult.

“Let’s just agree to disagree” - I can’t win this argument but don’t want to lose face by conceding defeat.