I have seen a lot of articles, advice etc etc that
a) too much sleep is bad
b) regular sleep habits are good
bearing in mind that school starts at 8:15, Nobody has yet cited anything that being in bed till 11 is a GOOD thing, other than the idea
a) don’t impose my ideals on her
b) let her be a kid
c) she should make up her own mind
if there is some objective or research linked reason why sleeping till 11am is a good thing - I’m all ears to hear it.
What I’m NOT interested in is - let her fall asleep at 3 am and then sleep till noon to make sure she gets enough sleep. Going to sleep at that time is either something that needs to be addressed (insomnia) or “bad” habits (playing games till late)
“If I had to suffer as a kid, then so should my daughter”
Children and teens need sleep, even if it’s on what you consider a weird schedule. If you’re causing her to get less than 8 hours of sleep, then it’s you that’s promoting the unhealthy habits.
the question is - WHY are you exhausted?
If it’s something medical that’s stopping from sleeping - it needs to be diagnosed and addressed
If it’s because of the way you plan your day or how you spend your evenings, then suck it up and change the way you manage your day.
(this is the attitude I have as regards my daughter, you of course, are quite free to manage your own time as you see fit)
Exactly, so I sleep when I’m sleepy. And I’m productive when I’m productive. The time of day is irrelevant. If I’m forced to be up when my body says I shouldn’t be, I do my best to cope. But i plan my life/time so that the things that matter happen when I’m productive. The sun being up is not a thing that matters usually.
I had work and school,
if I didn’t have either on a particular day, slept till noon, then I wouldn’t feel sleepy till 3 am - and then, surprise surprise, I was at work tired and grumpy.
In isolation - there’s nothing wrong with sleeping late.
Problem is - it starts to break down when you have irregular sleep patterns,
if you’re not sleeping till 3am - then getting up at 8 or 9 becomes an issue, and then the cycle repeats. if that’s your day - if you are at your best in the late afternoon fine, get yourself onto that cycle.
The way the rest of our family live, and the way that school and her other activities are done, an 11 am - 2 am out of bed cycle is going to cause ongoing issues
have tried to explain this, but of course, “dad knows nothing and is just being an arsehole”
Oh gawd NO!
For most things I’m pretty relaxed
However it does bug me when, after chatting on the phone or swapping messages till 2 or 3 am (I could hear her talking on the phone at 4am the other day) I then hear complaints of being too tired to get out of bed.
A few things…point us to those articles, if you don’t mind.
Also about “regular sleep schedules”, here some anecdata. I used to work 2 2nd shifts a week and 2 graveyard shifts a week. I always felt horrible. Got sick a lot. Cranky. Etc. When I moved to 5 2nd shifts per week, it was wonderful! I felt great! I got shit done. And I would sleep…you guessed it, 3am til noon. So YES a regular sleep schedule is healthy. But it doesn’t matter what time of day. And you implying than I’m unhealthy and slovenly is…very judgemental.
Yeah I have
its to be with the rest of the family, to help with the housework when the housework is being done, and to be able to manage school and other activities appropriately
weelllll…
I did tell her WHO to buy from, and gave her his number if she wants to buy…
I don’t smoke myself, and don’t want her smoking, but if she does, I want her to buy from someone that I trust to be supplying her with the right stuff (this guy also deals other things)
Again, if you’re going to set a limit, “no phone in the room after midnight” is a perfectly reasonable limit. If she’s honestly not tired she can find something quiet and reasonably productive to do, like read a book till she is tired.
Also, if you’re waking up at night because your daughter’s making noise, that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to have a conversation and a boundary about. Then you get into compromise about the needs of the people in the family, not just ‘well it has to be done this way because It Just Does’ which is not real productive
Keep in mind, we’re all currently living in some unusual circumstances. Please just let her deal with it the was that she sees fit.
When all this blows over, you can then reassess the sleep schedule. And please be willing to compromise.
As a father myself, this is definitely NOT a hill I’d be willing to die on.
She didn’t wake me up - I was having my own issues sleeping that night.
I’ve been aware for a long time of phone use late at night, there is an absolute refusal to have the phone in a common area / out of her hands.
This is part of why I’m so bothered, it seems she wants both things. To be able to use the phone and then to sleep late because of it.
My expectations have been very clear for a very long time - standard “out of bed time” during school is 7 am - mum wanted 8 during this time, I allowed till 9.
As anything more than a one-off, being on this sort of schedule is going to turn her into a boarder in the house, instead of a part of the family. That is not something I’m willing to live with.
You know, life, divorce, remarriage, nursing school, death, widowhood, single parenting, falling in love after I swore never again, moving in unexpectedly a week ago with a guy I’ve been dating for six months to keep my kids safe from exposure to the plague through me… not much.
Oh, and WhyBaby the micropreemie is now, funnily enough, a 15 year old girl. Who sleeps until noon whenever she can.
We’re all a little on edge here. Some of us are managing our anxiety by clinging to any semblance of normalcy or routine. Others are managing by not trying to do all the things anymore, and just muddling through. Either way is OK, so long as you keep some perspective.
Your daughter will probably be fine, both in terms of the coronavirus and life in general. But that’s out of your hands. She’s going to keep making choices you disapprove of, and you’re going to have less and less control over that. Some of those choices may have adverse consequences, some of which were entirely foreseeable. Sometimes it’ll be like a horror movie, where you’re screaming “don’t go into the basement!” because you know exactly what’s down there and yet she won’t listen to you. Making her get up at a reasonable hour now may still be possible, but it’s not going to keep her out of that basement. Those things you’re really afraid of? You can’t protect her from those. But like most teenagers, she’ll probably get through it OK.
You don’t get to make her responsible for your feelings. You can feel what you feel about her being asleep in the morning; you can worry about her health or her academics; you can vent here. But it’s not her job to do things to make you feel better. She’s got her own feelings to manage.
waves )
