I agree and it’s a relief you can say this about the performance.
I realise that appearing in public is stressful, but there’s no point in lying. Eventually a director will tell them the truth, even if you don’t.
Don’t. Creativity is not called for on these occasions. How about “What a sweetheart.” Sweethearts don’t have to be pretty.
My sister, CarlyJay, is an actress. I’ve always been very honest with her when the productions she was in weren’t very good. She always knew when they sucked anyway. Actors usually know if they’re in a dog.
She’s currently in “Evil Dead: The Musical” and it’s fantastic, so at least I didn’t have to say anything bad about that.
Yeah, as a guy who played in, worked with, and booked shows for college bands for years, I have tons of experience dealing with friends (or people, at least, that I didn’t want to offend) whose performances sucked.
My system: be honest, but don’t dwell on the bad stuff for too long. Examples:
“Things weren’t very tight, but I think your new bass player is going to be great!”
“The crowd was really into the first couple of songs, but I think the slower stuff started to lose them.”
“There were a couple of good things on that pass…want to punch in fixes, or just take it again from the top?”
Now, in each of those cases, can’t you picture what was probably happening, and imagine several less-charitable ways to put what I said? Sure! You can be honest without being brutally honest.
Remembered from college (when I did a lot of plays, and most of my friends did plays, and quite a few of them (mine included) stunk to high heaven).
If she was good - then it’s easy, you compliment her performance. Don’t mention that everything around her was less good, just stick with how well she did.
If she wasn’t, there are always comments like “Wow,” “That really made me think,” "“It was an interesting take on the subject,” or to prove you paid attention start a sentence “The part where ______” and fill in the blank, then trail off and nod. The people involved in the play will usually finish the thought for you. It helps if you look thoughtful during those statements, and they have the benefit of not being entirely untrue.
I do a lot of acting. I usually know when I’m in a crappy play. My ego is such that any unsolicited comments had better be positive. However, if I ASK somebody what they think it’s because I value their opinion and I want honesty. I want them to be nice about it but still be honest.
Acceptable comments: “You need to enunciate more.” “You might want to dial it back a notch in some places.”
Unacceptable comments: “Dude, you fucking sucked.”
I think Steve Martin had a comedy bit about what to say to friends in order to avoid telling them what you thought of their performance. It won’t translate well to text here but oh well. Option one is to slap your friend on the back with one hand shake their hand with the other and say, “You son of a bitch!” Option two is extending your arms for a hug and saying, “Oh, you!”
I wouldn’t hesitate to say how much the play itself sucked. She didn’t write it or direct it. Or no… I would hesitate in case she feels some great loyalty to the director and group. But I’ve been in plays that sucked. I knew they sucked. I’ve told my friends I didn’t care if they came to see me in them because they play wasn’t much fun to watch.
… my own story…
A good friend of mine always really really wants to be in the plays. She whines about it during class, writes about it on her myspace, goes on and on about how much she just wants to be in the plays. Which is okay. I understand that. But then she goes off about the girls a grade above us who always have big roles in the plays and about how she’s SOOOO much better than them and if the director would just give her a chance, he’d see.
Now, I do get roles in the plays. Often pretty substantial ones. I had the lead in the musical my sophomore year. So she’s always trying to get me to give her tips and listen to her sing and so on.
And this girl? sucks. I love her, but she can’t sing or act worth beans. She’s just dreadful. And I try my hardest to help her out without making her feel like crap about herself (because on top of it all, she’s one of those people who needs to have her self-esteem boosted constantly)… but it’s been three years now and she’s still awful. So I get to sit there and listen to her complain about how she never ever gets a part in the plays and how our director must just not like her and restrain myself from pointing out that, were I the director, I wouldn’t cast her either. Even though I like her. Because she’s a terrible actress.
Diagnosis: Sympathy Vampire
Prescription: Stop feeding the monster. That’s what you are to her. Food. Yummy, scrumptious Attention and Sympathy.
Timing is important. During rehearsals, when they’re still making changes and trying to get things right, constructive criticism and honest feedback are very useful and usually appreciated. Once the show is over, however, it doesn’t do any good to tell them what they should have done differently.
I have a good friend who, a while ago, was in what must’ve been the worst production of Macbeth this decade. The director was an old burnout who had no idea what was going on; he wanted to make Macbeth the good guy and Malcolm the bad guy. He was clueless, and I told her I never expected to see Ed Wood do Shakespeare.
If that wasn’t enough of a problem, Macbeth wasn’t any good. Actually, with maybe three exceptions, including my friend, nobody was any good. One of the witches, in particular, was terrible - and she later blew off the last performance, leaving my friend and the second witch to share all her lines. My friend knew the thing sucked, there was just no avoiding it. She actually didn’t invite us to see it in the first place. After the show ended, we laughed about it for a good long time. We actually had to avoid the director on the subway, too!
I saw “Sunday in the Park with George” in college. I was sort of friends with the guy who played Seurat.
(I’d previously seen him and several other sort of friends in “Assassins”. That was certainly a show where the production was good, well-acted etc., but the script was not to my taste. But I don’t remember needing to come up with any “your performance was good, but I hated the show” comments.)
After “Sunday in the Park”, though, we did go out and chat with Seurat. And so I did find myself saying something about “I found the show confusing but I thought you did a good job on it” (Meanwhile, a mutual friend said it was so confusing and bizarre he couldn’t even say that. While he may not have said that to Seurat’s face, I thought his lack of tact was noteworthy–and not something to emulate.)
I also watched at least one show where I knew the musical director, and knew going in that the pit orchestra was likely to suck–but could honestly say “No, really, I didn’t think it was that bad”
From the other side, I’ve played handbells in several handbell choirs of varying degrees of talent. So, we’ve played songs with varying degrees of difficulty. I’ve heard some which sounded more like “Let’s show off all the things one can do with handbells” more than like beautiful music. As a performer, I’ve been amused and annoyed by the people who seem to find that the most important thing is showcasing their skills-- “You know it’s good when Suzie Q the prima donna tells you it’s good” rather than simply in bringing enjoyment to people.
Just don’t use it in front of a Seinfeld fan.
Wasn’t there an episode of How I Met Your Mother about this?