Friend, your attitude is the reason you didn't get cast, get over yourself!

I am a pianist/music director who splits time between the professional and the community theater world. I have many friends that I have made doing theater, and when I am on a team putting up a show, I am often in the unenviable position of not casting scores of friends and acquaintances.

Most of those friends ‘get’ the process, and while not being cast can be a big let down, they get over it quickly, graciously, and quietly.

This weekend I had the benefit/joy of casting a show and not casting a particular friend. Here are some tips I would like to give her:

[li]Asking questions about the process because the last show did it in such-and-such a fashion that you didn’t like does not endear you.[/li][li]Saying that you didn’t get cast in the last show must have been “for a reason”, namely, so you could be in this show, makes you sound desperate. [/li][li]Whether you realize it or not, treating this audition as cosmically important for your life gives you a stressed, tense, and generally unpleasant demeanor. [/ul][/li]
Those tips are important because you are not the only fish in the sea. There were a number of people with similar or equal talent who auditioned who didn’t give off a vibe of ‘someone who would be challenging to work with,’ and many of them didn’t get cast. You’re an adult. You should know that sometimes you get in, and sometimes you don’t.

Posting on your facebook after the fact a sob story about how your life sucks and you never catch a break, blah blah blah, just confirms the impression you gave of being an unstable and unpleasant person to work with. Complaining that we filled one supporting role with our choreographer and that the process was ‘unfair’ might be a valid concern to bring up, but the fact of the matter is that a) no one sang or read for the part (though we did call back two people to give it a go, and b) the director and I had the choreographer audition for us, and I would have no problem telling her no. There was no one else for the part. Also, bitching publicly that one minor role out of the twenty roles in the show was filled by a team member, and so the whole thing is “unfair,” is such a painfully clear example of sour grapes that it’s a shame anyone is taking you seriously. PS, the adult way to deal with the situation if it really does bother you is to give me a call or e-mail and politely explain how the situation made you feel. Passive-aggressive fb posting, while it is de rigueur these days, makes you look like a spoiled kid, and is self-centered and rude.
Anyway, the long and short of this is that, friend, you gave a very solid audition as did many other people. When it came down to casting and we had to let people go, and both of the other people making the decision with me quickly wanted to put you in the “no” pile because of your personality, I felt bad, but based on what I saw I couldn’t disagree with them. And, the reason why the “universe” keeps giving you the same message is, frankly, because of you, not the universe. It’s your attitude that keeps you from the things you want, not some cosmic unfairness.
(sorry this is long and wordy, every so often I have experiences like this, and at least once I needed to vent about it).

Ugh, everybody knows someone like this, and it’s a royal pain in the ass. Let me guess: If you ever tell her it’s her attitude, she gets defensive, refuses to accept constructive criticism, and continues to blame everyone but herself?

Well, I’ve never brought it up; I make it a policy to avoid telling people who think that the world is out to get them that it is in fact their own damned faults.

If a child complains that life/school/x is unfair, then it’s worthwhile to explain to them that sometimes things just work out that way. And put on a smile and think about the next opportunity.

If an adult complains that it’s unfair, I just walk away. They should have learned those basic concepts by now.

As well as careeracide, if the folks in charge of the next show she auditions for take a look at her online and see a bunch of “WAAAAAAAH I DIDN’T GET THE PART” on her Farcebook page and think “yup, can live without that.”

Post what you put here on her Facebook page.

“Has someone ever told you that life was supposed to be fair? If they did, they were lying.” (Or trying to sell you something.) Tell that to kids AND adults - it’s a lesson they need to know.

When you say “It’s not fair” I hear “I didn’t get what I wanted.”

And “I shouldn’t have to work for it.”

It’s funny, but I learned something about “life” and “fairness”(or the lack thereof), when I was in junior high and read one of Heinlein’s juveniles.

In Tunnel in the Sky a class of young people have been learning and training to take an extremely rigourous survival test. Shortly before the test, during an informal seminar about the rules, one of the students complains that the test conditions and rules aren’t fair.
The instructor fails him on the spot, and won’t allow him to take the test, because “Anyone who expects life to be fair isn’t ready for this test.”

It also occurs to me that we’re raising generations of people who will have a particularly hard time with this lesson, being raised that they are all special and they should always get what they want. Learning the lessons of maturity were hard enough in life when we weren’t all entitled princesses.

A coworker of mine teaches public speaking classes at our community college. About a year ago she had a young 20-something who, according to her, said he was on antidepressants because he just can’t handle negativity.


Is your friend Sarah Palin?

That scene made the same impression on me.

It’s sort of a pity that we couldn’t have a class like that in real life.

We do. It’s called “life.”

Well, that did it. Now I have a desire to go start re-reading my R.A.H. collection again.

Or…is your friend an Actress? Whaaaa? She IS! Well then, we should expect her to be the ultimate in composure and maturity at all times.

And her whinging online about not being cast is definitely…oh, I don’t know…just like the musical director whinging online about her?

Pot, kettle. Kettle, pot.

Ok, the next job you audition for is going to the HR director’s niece.

My point is that there’s a difference between nature being unfair and humans being short-sighted idiots. It’s a major error in logic to conflate the two phenomena.

Hahaha. “Whinging”.

Oh, come on.

Firstly, 99 percent of the actors and actresses I know handle rejection in a dignified manner.

Secondly, she’s welcome to whine about whatever she wants. I have no doubts that many people I know go home and spout all sorts of emotional, non-rational complaints to their spouses and friends. We all have emotions, and I don’t blame anybody for having them. Socially developed people, however, keep their composure in public, and know when emotional outbursts are appropriate, and when they are not.

Posting in non-vague terms on facebook about how you’re pissed off at friends without actually talking to those friends, when you know those friends will see your tantrum, is childish and inappropriate. This is not a pot/kettle scenario, and I think you know that.

But you can’t judge someone using real life measures on Facebook. It’s different. :rolleyes: