My grandmother is in a rest home. I visit her about twice a week, and in doing so I have gotten to know an old man who sits near the entrance most days. He is a darling, and about a year ago I started saying hello to him and asking him how he is. His name is Bill, he’s 86, has a pee bag and is not in the best of health, though he still has a fine head of hair.
He hasn’t had any visitors since being in the rest home, (according to my grandmother, who makes everybody else’s business her business, so I trust her opinion on this). He had a girlfriend (also in her eighties) in the rest home, and they had been seeing each other for about six months when she suddenly became ill and was confined to the hospital wing. To my dismay, her family refused to let him visit her in the hospital because they thought it was ‘unseemly’ for her to have a love interest at such an age. She died shortly afterward and he was shattered. He was told he was not welcome at her funeral either. I felt so sorry for him and made a point of seeing him every time I visited my grandmother.
Recently I had a stomach bug and couldn’t visit my grandmother for almost two weeks. During this time, Bill had a series of severe strokes and is in the public hospital, unable to speak or swallow. I visited him for the first time today and he cried when I held his hand. According to the nurse, he hasn’t had any visitors. He looks dreadful and I think he is dying. I cried all the way back to work in the car, and am determined to visit him regularly from now on.
My problem is this: I know nothing about his life pre-rest home, and very little at that. He can understand me but he can’t speak. I am not the sort of person who can babble away happily with no response, so I was thinking I would read to him.
What should I read to him? I’m thinking of writing out a list of options/genres/newspapers and getting him to point to what he prefers, but if you guys have any ideas of good short stories suited to an elderly man, I would be most grateful.
Just a suggestion, but why not try some of Mark Twain’s stuff like Life on the Mississippi or Innocents abroad? There is some very dry humor in there that always makes me laugh and there is probably nothing that is going to get his blood pressure up. Also, he could probably understand and enjoy some of the ways Twain used the English language.
Anyway, I hope it works out for the best for both of you.
No suggestions–it might be safe to stick to classics of some genre or other. But I just wanted to say kudos to you for caring for someone who has no one else to do so.
When I walk through the Large Print section at the library it makes me want to shoot myself before I get old. Surely old people aren’t just slavering away for Mills and Boone and Reader’s Digest?
In the condition this guy’s in, probably anything would be acceptable. If nothing else, read the local newspaper. If he is capalbe of communicating in some way (squeezing your hand, blinking his eyes) ask him “yes” or “no” questions to narrow down what he might like to hear.
And kudos to you for caring. His girlfriend’s family should be ashamed of themselves.
But during one part the main character, a young boy, has to share a room with a very elderly man and they tell him to read to the old man. When nobody is looking the old man gives the boy something to read. It’s a lingerie catalogue. Just the descriptions of the stuff and how it carresses the body or lifts the breasts.
I was going to suggest the Mitford books by Jan Karon (my go-to recommendation for the elderly), but Zebra’s comment made me rethink that. Maybe some excitement is called for.
Can you find out anything about the man’s background and interests? Did he like to hunt or fish? Was he a craftsman or an amateur scientist? Military – is he a veteran? Car nut?
If he can nod his head or blink his eyes, maybe you could take him some books and magazines and see what he responds to. Popular Science, National Geographic, Car and Driver, Playboy?
What about folktales and legends? What about some of Rudyard Kipling’s works? They might be too “childish” for him, but perhaps he’d like them. You never know until you ask. Perhaps The Cat Who books would interest him? Careful with them though, characters that you are fond of tend to die a few books later. But overall they are good stories, and the plot string does carry through each one, even though the first was written decades ago.
I’m not so sure. Legends, classics, and “formal” stories sounds great to us young folk with heathy minds and bodies. But if you are dying and incapacitated, I’m not so sure you want to be given a university-level lecture.Following the plot of a long story requires concentrating, and that takes energy.
I recently took care of a terminally ill family member. He was fully lucid , but after he became bedridden, his attention span shortened. Rolling over in bed left him as tired as an olympic marathon runner. (Have you ever seen a marathon runner want to read a book after the race? )
Whatever you read to him–keep it very,very short. No “to-be-continued tomorrow” type stories. No ghost stories, no Edgar Allen Poe poetry.No complicated plots that require more than the most casual thinking to keep the names of the characters straight. Dont read to him–speak to him. Even if you are reading a text—re-tell it to him in a conversational tone–don’t let your tone sound like a formal lecture.
Tell him what was in the newspaper recently–i.e. the human interest stories from your local paper (hopefully he will recognize the names and places), and tell him only the stories that have a happy ending. Try playing some classical music very softly in the background.
And God bless you.
Have you read the same folktales I have?! There are plenty of books of short, easy to follow, but well-told folktales, legends, and myths. ETA: And they are easily read aloud in one sitting. That’s why I mentioned them.
It depends on the person also. Some people like mildly spooky tales. Others love insipid love stories, and yet others love Westerns. There are plenty of short stories to be had easily in the myths, legends, and folktales genre. Even if you have to search the children/young adults section to find them. Tall tales can take the mind away to more pleasant thoughts, as can heroic legends and tales of grand deeds. They were crafted to help people cope through the rainy seasons/winter, as well as hand down wisdom through the ages, or cultural values after all. He might really like some of the old myths and legends. There’s a reason that “classic” storytellers are portrayed as old and grey. Why do you think they know the stories so well? Because they love them. ETA: Seconding the idea of trying to keep it informal though, “conversational”. Also, read over the story (whatever you choose) beforehand a few times to get acquainted with it for ease of telling.
I don’t think it particularly matters. Unless he absolutely hates the choice you make. The important thing is that he’ll get the message ‘Somebody is here. Somebody cares.’
That’s why I mentioned them. 