OK, this really cracked me up. I’d have truly laughed out loud, but my sweetie is sleeping and I promised not to wake him this morning… 
Lets see…
1-2 drinks: Not much. Buzz, perhaps, depending on how fast I drink them.
3-5: It’s now obvious that I’ve been drinking. Louder, less polite (I guess less polite would be the way to phrase that…)
6+: Low end of the scale, I start walking badly. Higher up, it gets worse. I lose my German skills first, and then being to speak English well (eventually.)
17: (thanks Germany for your donation to science) German is really hard. Never tried French. This means it’s time to navigate the subway (all by myself! yay!) and go home.
When I go to bed after much alcohol: Whoa, the room is sp-
<run>
<bleeeaaarrrkkkkh!>
I don’t enjoy that particular phenomenon. Does it happen to anyone else? You haven’t drunk enough all night to throw up, and then you hit the bed and the vomit changes its mind?
Former drunk here (will be celebrating 10 years of sobriety on July 10!).
I was a “normal” drunk. What’s a “normal” drunk? Well, I was told on several occasions, by different people, that I didn’t change when I was drunk. One drinking buddy, who was ten years older than me and who had been drinking since he was a teenager, told me that I was the only person he’d ever met who was exactly the same drunk as I was sober. And yes, he had seen me drunk when he was sober, so he wasn’t talking through his own inebriation.
Several bartenders told me that they could never tell when I’d had enough, because I didn’t “act drunk”. i.e. my personality and behavior didn’t change, even when I was on my lips. In fact, one bartender even thanked me for the fact that I always cut myself off - he could never tell when to do it. He would know how many beers he had served me, but I would never do anything to cause him to cut me off.
At the peak of my drinking habit, I was downing a minimum of twelve beers (half case) every night. So I guess I"m just naturally so level-headed that it would have taken far more alcohol than I could consume in one sitting to change my behavior/personality.
Back when I drank (which hasn’t been since 1997 and I never did it much to begin with), after about 2 wine coolers I’d be giggling.
And then I’d become convinced that I was the best damn dancer at the party.
Anything more than that and I’d be laying down moaning about my stomach hurting. I don’t know why but alcohol gives me a really bad tummyache. I never could get actually drunk, just fuzzy.
I like akennett’s stages, because I go through something similar.
Stage 1 (about 1.5 beers): loosening up, less morose
Stage 2 (1.5 - 3 beers): chatty with anyone and everyone
Stage 3 (3-4 beers): find victim. choose one topic (first job, current crush, how great our friendship is) and go on about it in exhaustive detail.
Stage 4 (4-5 beers): shirt’s off! Bad scene.
Stage 5 (water): paranoia, nausea, and tiredness. Sleep follows soon.
Fortunately, it’s been a while since I’ve gotten past 3.
In my teens, I was a bastard whenever I got drunk. Now if I even get drunk, last time was over a year ago, I get pretty goofy and loud.
I’m the typical girlie-girl drunk. I get all happy, giggly, silly, and stupid. I also chatter a lot. And the more I chatter, the stupider my conversation gets.
Luckily, I tend to get sleepy really quickly. So I don’t have all that long to chatter away brainlessly.
So, doing anything later tonight? 
Depends on the beverage. Wine - philosophical and pretentious, then I fall asleep. Beer - talkative, flirtatious, take “walks down memory lane,” talk about travelling alot, end the evening sending grammatically incorrect e-mails to friends I haven’t seen in ages.
My favorite story is outdrinking a 6’4, 275 pound rugby player from Estonia (with high atmospheric pressure, I maybe can crack 140) in a tavern in Munich, and leading him and the two girls we were hanging out with back to our hostel. Then, intending to go to the exact same place the next day, stone-cold sober, I walk forty-five minutes in the wrong direction.
I’m a biting drunk. For some reason, it just feels go to gnaw on things. People. Their fingers.
If by “tear up the joint” you mean “sit quietly in the corner and tell stories, lies and other anecdotes while attracting every female in the room by our quiet confidence, discerning choice of beverage and Giles-like sense of hidded badassedness ,” then I’m game.
I’m another one where it has to depend on my mood.
If I’m upset when I drink, then I will get surly and sometimes downright mean to people who are unlucky enough to cross my path.
When it is one of those “Yay, we’re out having fun!” kind of drinking, I laugh a lot. I don’t giggle, but I have a loud and uncontrollable laugh once I get started. I’ve been told that I rock when I’m drunk, so who knows.
I’m a happy, happy, friendly drunk! Probably frighteningly so, although I don’t practice much. Even sober, I’m far too likely to engage strangers in conversation, so you can imagine that, drunk, I’m a menace (but a happy, friendly menace) to society.
That, more or less, sounds about right. Next time I’m in Sri Lanka I’ll be sure to look you up. I’ll even smuggle in some MM.
Never consumed enough alcohol to be drunk, primarily because i have a feeling i’d be a mean, violent drunk, and probably end up doing something i’d regret
how do i know this?, well, whenever i’m out in public i have this sort of low level rage constantly pooling at the back of my conciousness, but i supress it with my cool Vulcanesque emotional control, i may seem freindly, and nice, but i don’t really like people and avoid them whenever possible, if i let my emotional guard drop, i’d be basically telling anyone and everyone to piss off and leave me the frell alone
i know this makes my sound like a psychotic sociopath, but i’m not, bear in mind what i do for a living…
i’m a Mac repair tech, so that means in addition to fixing Macs, i unfortunately have to deal with “technically-deficient users” (pronounced “idiot”) on the phone (i friggin’ LOATHE the phone, it’s the tool of the devil ), and in the store for 8 hours a day, idiots asking stupid questions that they could figure out if THEY READ THEIR FRIGGIN’ MANUALS!!!, the Mac’s not a tough machine to figure out, if you keep at it, you’ll typically find the answer yourself, but it involves something called “research” and most idiots are too lazy to do that, it’s easier for someone to tell them how to do it, thinking must hurt the average idiot…
i have no problem with people that take the initiative and try to fix the problem themselves, i respect curiosity and initiative and i’ll spend more time willingly educating those types
at the end of the day, i just want to get away from the general public, i go back to my apartment and surf the net and watch movies on DVD, the phone ringer is turned off and my answering machine has a simple message “you know the routine, leave a message”, but it’s said in such a cold, evil voice that it scares people into hanging up, i don’t have to talk to them, mission accomplished
sorry, off on a tangent there…
anyway, my point is, if i drink enough alcohol and it lowers my inhibitions and emotional restraints, i can easily see myself becoming the stereotypical “angry drunk”, and that wouldn’t be a good idea, especially considering i could see myself snapping and lashing out in anger…
it wouldn’t be safe to get me drunk, i realize this and therefore i won’t ever get drunk, my freinds have even stated to me that it would be dangerous for me to get drunk as they could see me being a mean drunk
sorry about the length of this post, i just had to vent a little, and no, i’m not drunk just talkative (typative?) when i get tired…
Chatty(er), there are few things I like to do more than have a few beers with some good friends and just shoot the breeze.
I start out as a giggly drunk, then I move into the “touchy feely” stage and then on to the “TOUCH MY BOOBS!” stage before passing out.
I’ve not been past touchy feely in several years, though.
I share the same disdain for most other humans (and I’m also a Mac geek), but I’m not at all a mean drunk. If I’m sad/angry, I keep to myself and stay pretty quiet, until someone entertains me enough that I snap out of it. If someone’s annoying the crap out of me, I’ll try to leave or go outside for some air and keep my distance after that.
If I’m in a good mood, I’m talkative, friendly, and of course, a little more confident with pretty wimmins.
You and me should go drinkin’, MacTech, and if you are a mean drunk, I won;t hold it against you.
I have a real low alcohol tolerance, and it only really takes 1-2 drinks to do anything to me. One drink alone will give me a pretty strong buzz, and two drinks make just about everything 10x more hilarious.
My friend and I often have a couple of beers on the weekend and play computer games. I’ve found that I take losing much more graciously if I am drunk.
If I have any alcohol when I am fatigued (from a busy day, working, etc) I can get woozy from only one beer. Some people give me a hard time about this, but they can eat their words when they realize it probably costs me 75% less money to get equally drunk as they do. I can go to the grocery store, splurge on a 12-pack that is on sale for 10 bucks and have it last all month (I like drinking alcohol but generally only do it on weekends/days off in case I accidentally make myself ill)
Recovering.
I’m the kind of alcoholic who just becomes sedated. I only drink heavily when I’m surrounded by good friends, so often times, I’m just having a good time conversing. I think for the most part, I stay pretty much the same, only my body becomes more floppy. Lots of people have said they’ve never noticed I was drunk, which makes me pretty proud. Of course, I’m usually able to hold off on the vomiting till everyone leaves 