You’re right, Auntie. He’s the one who pulled the trigger.
But there’s more to it, in my mind.
We don’t know how old the gunman’s ex-girlfriend is. But she had her own home, according to the story. Her mom was 51, so the girlfriend could reasonably be between 18 and 30. IOW, an adult*.
He mom was taking care of NINE kids, from 18 months to 4 years old. She had the responsibility of taking care of those children who by no stretch of the imagination could defend or care for themselves.
She took on the responsibility for those children. She actually piled them all into a 4-door sedan to go confront her adult daughter’s psycho ex-boyfriend. She left them in the car alone to confront the guy. As a result she is very responsible for the shooting of a two-year-old girl.
Leaving the children unattended would have been irresponsible, but it pales in comparision to the amount of negligence and stupidity actually bringing them to her daughter’s house after the crazy boyfriend had just made threats over the telephone. Did the mother think she could handle the situation better than trained, armed police officers?
Chief Crunch – No, I don’t think she thought she could “handle” anything. I think she was terrified for her daughter’s safety and did what most mothers would do.
And like most mothers, even knowing that her action would result in her own death, I’ll bet she’d do it again.
You’re right, Auntie. Many mothers would sacrifice their own lives for their children.
But is it appropriate to sacrifice the lives of others?
Too, we don’t know nearly enough about the story–did she know she was heading into danger? If she did, why hadn’t her daughter gone to the police already? Had the boyfriend really been stalking her, or was he playing the “jilted lover” martyr act? Did he have a history of being a total freaking nutball?
I’m trying to track down some more of the story, but don’t know how successful I’ll be . . .
Of course not. But we’re probably talking about a frantic woman who panicked.
It’s fruitless to say more without some details. There are tons of maybes here – maybe the boyfriend had responded to the mom before, and she thought she had some influence. (I’ve scared more than one of my daughter’s boyfriends.)
And it sure sounds like she got there before the cops did, doesn’t it?
But that still doesn’t explain why she brought the children with her. What’s better? Leaving the children at home or taking them to the scene of the crazy, threatening, gun wielding stalker? If the mother wanted to risk her own life, so be it, but to selfishly risk the innocent lives of nine children she’s supposed to be ‘taking care of’ to help her daughter is beyond reproach. Those nine kids are going to be literally scarred mentally for the rest of their lives and if the one who was shot makes it, (s)he’ll be scarred physically, too.
A parent learns that a child’s life is in imminent danger and said parent does not act perfectly logical and lucid? Does not calmly assess the pros and cons of various courses of action? Shocking!
Sheesh, we’ve got a tough crowd here. I’ve got to go with AuntiePam on this.
Chief Crunch – there’s no “right” thing for mom to do in this case. She obviously saw no choice – she had to try to help her daughter. Let’s give her that, okay? It’s instinct.
I’m not saying she was right to take the kids with her – but I can understand why she did it.
Frankly, I admire her for not leaving the kids alone.
And here’s another maybe – heck, it’s a gimme (at least until Andros or someone can garner more details). I’ll bet that all the time she was driving to her daughter’s house, she feared for those kids and prayed she was doing the right thing.
God forbid any of us should ever have to make that decision.
Seems to me she might have been able to get a neighbor to step in or something, before rushing off. I realize she wasn’t thinking clearly, but you know… if it had been Nicky that got shot, I’d be saying that she should be glad she was dead, because otherwise I might kill her myself.
As for the testing for parenting thing… It’s all moot anyway, but just for the sake of argument, what if it wasn’t so severe… that is, you didn’t have to take a test to be allowed to have children, but you had to attend a class/take a test/whatever in order to get some sort of benefit… like the tax deduction for your kid, or something. The class & testing would have to be free, and would have to be short enough not to mess with a work schedule… but even a brief class would probably really benefit some parents.
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“it’s all real”
“I KNEW IT!!!”
O p a l C a t www.opalcat.com
Nebuli, it’s not really shocking and that’s what’s sad. If the little girl who had been shot and is now in critical condition was someone you loved I’m quite sure you’d be singing a different tune.
Another point to rant about is the police response time. In the report, it states that the daughter dialed 911 first and THEN called her mother. So her mother had time to pile 9 children into a 4-door Volvo and get there in time to say a few words to the stalker/ex-boyfriend. The police apparently pulled up just as the stalker did the shooting. Further, the stalker escaped into the woods and ended up shooting himself. I wouldn’t want to live in that police jurisdiction.
I heartily agree w/you OpalCat!! If it had been my son, I would have figured out a way to kill her twice. The mother was horribly irresponsible. If I had been in her shoes, I would have called a neighbor or someone to watch the children before flying off to play Wonder Woman.
One daycare provider that I had voluntarily stopped watching one particular child because of an angry ex-husband situation. Nothing actually happened, but the situation was so tenuous, the possibility was there for some kind of violent occurrence. That’s the kind of wisdom that one needs when caring for other people’s children.
Been lurking for quite some time, finally registered… greetings all. Had to respond to this thread.
I must say, I think I’m with OpalCat on this one. When I was in highschool, I was best friends with a girl who had the worst parents in the world. The kept their kids clothed and fed, but they were horrible people. A few examples: the mother actively encouraged her teenaged daughters to get pregnant in order to snare husbands or at least some extra cash, the father was mostly absent except when he and mom would have screaming fights in front of the kids (during which, his infidelities were discussed in intricate detail), and both parents avoided anything resembling a real job.
I have no doubt that my friend’s mom would have reacted the same way the woman in the OP did if that kind of situation had come up; the family had a sort of harsh loyalty to its members, which was why, when “outsiders” who sensed something was wrong at home tried to help my friend, she always pushed them away. That included me, eventually-- I haven’t seen her in close to ten years.
If these people had been required to take some sort of class, or get some kind of counseling, in order to get tax credits or benefits, my friend’s whole life could have been different. Instead, she ended up a divorced mother of two by the time she was 21, and given her devotion to her family, is probably raising her kids the same way she was raised. Her ex-husband was no prize himself, but hey, her mom thought it was a good idea at the time.
Anyway, I think it’s true that some people just should not be parents. But we can’t very well enforce it… best we can manage is trying to help after the fact.
