For a little change of pace, I’ve been listening to my local country music radio station on the way to work. The ratio of good songs to stupid songs seems to be roughly proportionate to those songs on my local rock station.
But then one fine afternoon, I heard this little gem on the radio
Cause I’d like to see you
Out in the moonlight
I’d like to kiss you
Way back in the sticks
I’d like to walk you
through a field of wild flowers
I’d like to check you for ticks
:dubious:
I was pretty sure I wasn’t hearing right, but by the time the stirring bridge rolled around, I could no longer deny it.
Now whoo hoo
You never know where one might be
And ooh ohhh
There’s lots of places that’s hard to reach
Be still, my beating heart. :rolleyes:
So lets hear your most horrible song lyrics. I’m sure this has never been done before.
Those lines from “The Joker” are cribbed from two other old R&B songs. Steve hardly wrote any of the words in that song. It’s a wonder he hasn’t got sued from here to Venus and back for all the “homage” goin’ on in there.
Cherish is the word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
always struck me as awkward. Among other things, cherish is a verb, not an adjective- it’d be like saying “Walk is the word I use to describe/the way I get from place to place when I stroll outside”.
The whole of the song Funkier than a Mosquito’s Tweeter
There is this song, apparently called “Angel” by Shaggy, that was quite popular on Top 40 radio a few years back that included the lines:
Girl, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel…
closer than my peeps you are to me
I almost drove off the road, I laughed so hard the first time I heard it. I’m closer to you than your peeps? Awesome! But… what about your homies? Am I closer than them? worry And that’s just what’s funny about the substance… I dare not even approach the syntax.
I can’t remember the name of this '70s gem, but in my mind it’s “The Booty Call Song”:
I’m not talkin’ bout movin’ in,
And I don’t want to change your life,
But there’s a warm wind blowin’, the stars are out,
And I’d really love to see you tonight…
In other words, “Listen, babe, I don’t want to get into some kind of relationship or something here, but I’m really, really horny. Want to hook up?”
Second nomination: “The Pina Colada Song,” in addition to sucking musically, may be the least romantic song I’ve ever heard. A plot synopsis: Dude’s unhappy with his marriage. He puts a personal ad in the paper. He and a Mystery Woman write letters back and forth in which they find out they share a lot of interests (Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain, etc.). They arrange to go out of town together on short notice. When they meet, SURPRISE! It’s his wife! Neither of them knew they both shared these interests! They’re back in love again!
Say what? They were both looking to cheat on each other, and suddenly everything’s fine? I hate that song.
Just about the entirety of Live With Me by The Rolling Stones is cringeworthy. It manages to be vulgar and obscene at the same time. I saw a handwritten page with the lyrics one time at a rehearsal room, and I thought it was somebody’s most abysmal, amateurish attempt ever to write lyrics… then I found out it was a Stones song.
Hey jude, dont make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.
Na, na na na na na na, na na na na, hey jude. (repeat ad finitum)
Very memorable melody. Instantly forgettable lyrics. Pretty much the story of the Beatles. They could write some good melodies. But they absolutely sucked at writing lyrics. All of their lyrics are total crap.
I don’t have one to add to the list, but I had to come in here to say, I saw the thread title, read the mouseover, and immediately thought, “Ticks!” I love that song. A little silly and a little oogy, but it still makes me giggle. Unfortunately, it also makes me think of a particular episode of House, but that’s the way it goes.
Stone-headed Frisco spacer
Ate all the meat I gave her
Said would I like to taste hers
And even craved the flavor
Like marron-glaced fish bones
Oh lady, hit the road
-King Crimson, “Ladies Of The Road”
Lady supermarket with an apple in her basket
Knocks on the managers door
Grooning to the Muzak from a speaker in the shoe rack
Lays out her goods on the floor
Everything she’s chosen is conveniently frozen
Eat it and come back for more
-King Crimson, “Catfood”
These guys just don’t do romantic!
Reminds me of Frank Zappa:
She had that Camarillo Brillo
Flaming out along her head
I mean her Mendocino Beano
By where some bugs had made it red
…
She ripped away her rancid poncho
And laid out nekkid by the door
We did it 'til we were unconcho
And it was useless anymore
Whenever I hear this song I can’t help but imagine two guys pacing up and down a smoke filled room littered with empty coffee cups and thinking hard and long for something that rhymes with go-go.
