What wild animals could I beat in a fight?

Factual Questions
1

OK, here would be the situation: the animal wants to fight me (or any human, but we’ll use me for the example). I don’t have to chase it down or trap it or anything else. We have to settle a beef, so we’re going to go toe-to-toe. “Winning” will be defined as killing the other combatant first; so I could bleed to death later on, but it would be after I had defeated the animal. No weapons are allowed, it’s just hand-to-hand (so to speak). The no weapons rule includes the use of something like a skunk’s spray or any type of poison/venom.

I imagine I could finish off any small rodent quickly without more than a bite that may or may not break the skin. I think I could take house cats, but dogs are where I start to have some doubts. Where would the cut-off point be for dogs? How about the differences between a domesticated dog and a wild dog? What animals should I run from? I imagine I wouldn’t want to even take a chance against larger animals like bears, or any of the predatory cats.

So the question what animals could I (or most humans) beat in a fight?

2

The African naturalist Carl Akeley once killed a leopard that attacked him with his bare hands. He managed to shove his arm down it’s throat and suffiocate it. As you can see from the photo, the leopard was not a terribly large one. Akeley was very lucky, but in exceptional circumstances it is possible to kill even a big cat with your bare hands.

3

Chipmunk.
Squirl.
Bunny (if it wasn’t paying attention.)
Other than that, you better run away screaming like a little girl.

4

I stand ready to take on the most vicious wild hamster you can find. Bring it on!

5

I don’t know about you, but I imagine an extremely fit, martial arts expert can take just about anything nature can throw at him.

It comes, like always, from being smarter than them. We easily observe how they’ll move, where they’ll aim, and where their weak point is.

The only things I imagine could get dicey would be the big cats. They are pretty damn fast, and a human combatant absolutely MUST avoid those freaking claws.

6

My money’s on the lions, tigers, and bears.

If you’re in water more than hip deep, then I’m also betting on the crocodile, python, and anaconda.

Also seals, sea-lions, any of the toothed whales, most of the balleen whales (easy win: they grab you and sound), and about half the sharks.

'Course, it’s the bacteria who’ll eat you in the end.

Trinopus

7

I suspect that it would be simpler to look at the animals that you couldn’t defeat. Remember humans are fairly large animals. We are also exceptionally fast, reasonably strong, have extraordinary stamina and have intelligence on our side. All those things make us formidable fighters when we need to be.

As Colibri has pointed out, humans have actually killed leopards. There a at least two other cases of people fighting off leopards bare handed without killing them. In Colibri’s example a small leopard, but still larger than most dogs. This is also an animal with four claws as well as teeth.

Wolves/dogs are not a problem. There are large numbers of instances of people fighting off rabid or just plain savage dogs. Grazing animals will also not be a problem. People have long fought bulls bare handed. It’s just a case of avoiding the animal until it becomes exhausted and then suffocating them. Similarly some Native Americans would run horses to exhaustion, leap on their backs and then cover their noses to choke them into submission.

I imagine that a largish bear would make mincemeat of a person. They are just too big and have the advantage of fighting bipedal if need be. Tigers and lions also have a huge size advantage. Elephants would probably be tricky because there is just no way for an unarmed man to hurt them without getting belted. Big rhinos and hippos would also be dicey purely due to size. You might be able to leap on the back of these animals and stay there, but I suspect that you need both hands to cover the nostrils. Holding on would then be tough.

Aside from those examples I suspect that a human could beat almost any other animal. This assumes a fit young person of course. It also assumes enough training, intelligence and presence of mind to actually fight effectively according to your opponent. Punching most animals just won’t work. You need to use your hands as grappling and choking weapons, not bludgeons.

It’s difficult to say for sure because most animals will not fight to the death. Once they feel they are losing they run away. Unarmed people have seen off dogs, sharks, lions, wild boar and crocodiles for example. No one has ever killed one of those animals bare handed though. The animals have enough intelligence to run once they are hurt and once lunch becomes too much trouble.

8

I think anything above a dog or wolf and you’re toast.
Animals move very very fast. They’re not good at spotting the fakeout but they compensate by being very very fast. A lion, tiger etc. has speed weight and claws but a dog can’t use claws as well and it doesn’t have the weight.
I’d bet on you against a dog, wolf, badger, coyote. Big cats you’d have to give me a lotta points.

9

I was pheasant hunting a weekend or two ago and we jumped a deer in one of the fields. It ran down the line a ways and then decided it wanted to cross right near me. As this medium size doe ran full bore straight at me all I was thinking was, no problem, I can take her, just tackle the head and roll her down…

She ended missing me by a mere 3 feet or so, I could have easily grabbed her. Had this been a full grown male with rack, I dunno, I wouldn’t want to try.

This discussion has evloved to involve strategy, etc… I’d be interest to see responses based on a closed room with nowhere for either of you to go. Say a room 6mx6m, concrete, walls 3m high.

10

If you deny animals things like poisons and noxious chemicals, you’ve essentially rendered lizards, amphibians, and insects completely nonthreatening. Which they are not, as you know.

Case in point: I was involved in a standoff with a rattlesnake a few years back, and I was well and truly aware of the risks posed by the toxins in that snake’s teeth. Had the snake been nonvenomous, I would have kept walking and not especially noticed it even if it landed a bite on exposed skin. However, the toxins in the snake’s fangs gave me pause and would likely have been the deciding factor had I chosen to actually fight it.

I know humans can, if they are especially careful and fast, kill a venomous snake without being bitten. Heck, I see Steve Irwin get snakes in what would be a death grip all the time on Animal Planet. But it takes caution and skill, otherwise the poisons will effect you even if you manage to kill the snake before you die.

Anyway.

How about the Komodo Dragon? That lizard is not venomous in itself, but it eats rotting meat and so its teeth are simply covered with highly dangerous bacteria. A Komodo Dragon bite could easily cause a fatal infection in someone with no access to modern medical technology.

Also, what if the mammal you must fight is rabid? Can you assume you have access to effective anti-rabies treatments, or can you assume you have an effective immunity (from vaccination)?

11

This thread reminds me of the deathbed scene of Harrison Ford’s character in the “Mosquito Coast” with him saying that humans should never have learned to stand upright because it exposes the heart and genitals.

The OP doesn’t really mention what the enviornmental circumstances of the brawl would be. I’m sure if you were barefoot in a forest you would be much slower at running/dodging. Would the person be wearing heavy clothing like denim that would reduce scrapes?

I think if you had to fight bare-assed the chances that you would fight all out would be much decreased by the time and effort you’d spend trying to stop a cat from swiping at your genitals.

12

That was answered in the OP.

Bleeding to death. Rabies, septicameia etc. are all irrelevant.

13

He made the point that it doesn’t matter if you die later, only who dies first. So if I grabbed a venomous snake and it bit me, as long as I broke its “neck” quickly, I’d still have “won.”

14

I think a hippopotamus and a rhinoceros would win without a problem. Sure, you could get lucky and win (just like sticking an arm down a leapards throat) , but 99.99% of the time the human loses.

So what about a giraffe? While you may be able to kill it, is it likely that you will?

15

I agree that its easier to list the animals you CAN’T beat. Here’s a partial list, divided into categories:

Gorilla, Chimp, Orangutan. Much much stronger than humans, and faster too. They also negate the biggest advantage an unarmed human has, grappling, since they can grab ahold of you with four hands, and then bite the hell out of you. Other monkeys and apes are just too small, you’d win against them.

Elephant. You’re dead, obviously. Trunk, tusks, feet, weight, intelligence. Forget it.

Rhino, Hippo, Giraffe, Cape Buffalo, Wild Boar, Horse, Zebra, Bull, Bison, Moose, Elk, plus a few others. Any sufficiently large hoofed animal is going to clean your clock unless you get really lucky. Any hoofed animal that outweighs you by more than 3-1 is a long shot. They are extremely fast runners, and many could kill you with one kick. Your only advantage is your turn radius…you might be able to dodge a charge just in the nick of time. Do this often enough and the animal might tire, and you might be able to choke it as mentioned above. But all it takes is one split-second mistiming and you’re dead. And many of these animals are fast enough that you won’t be able to dodge anyway, or smart enough to WALK you down instead of charge.

Crocodile, Alligator, Caiman. If you’re in the water, you’re dead. If you’re at the water’s edge, you’re dead. On land you have a chance. The secret is that their jaw closing muscles are incredibly powerful, but their jaw-opening muscles are pretty weak. You can literally hold their jaws shut with one hand. If you can hold the jaws shut, you might be able to somehow choke them. But the trouble is that they don’t need much oxygen, and their tails can knock you off your feet, and their hide is pretty much impervious to bites, gouges or punches. Not much hope.

Cassowary, Ostrich, Emu. Probably the only man-killing birds, although a diving eagle might get lucky and break your neck. Thier weapon is the disemboweling kick. The disemboweling kick, and tremendous speed. Make that, their weapons…

Any big shark or marine mammal, larger than you. Assuming you are swimming they would tear your ass UP. Nothing you can do, except MAYBE a lucky bash on the nose. But what next? You can’t get any leverage, you can’t catch them, you can’t hold your breath for more than a minute. Anything twice your size and you’re dead.

Next, poisonous or noxious creatures. Poisonous snakes are pretty easy to kill…if you have a stick. Otherwise, a crapshoot. Some people are experienced enough to grab them by the back of the head, once you,ve done that you’ve won. But how about a porcupine or hedgehog? With a stick or a rock, easy to kill. But with your bare hands and feet? Not much hope, although they can’t hurt you much if you keep your distance. Poisonous arthropods are generally not much danger, just squish em, they can’t run faster than you. You might want to stay away from electric eels, stingrays, large jellyfish, and pufferfish. Again, not much they can do against you, but if you touch them you are going to pay. With a simple tool, they are dead, but with bare hands you can’t do much.

Last, the carnivores. Any bear, even a small bear, and you’re dead. They are super strong and pretty much invulnerable to any bare-handed attack you could pull off. A spotted hyeana will probably kill you, but a brown or a striped hyeana is probably too small. You could probably take on a wolf bare-handed. If he knocks you off your feet you are in trouble, but if you can grapple him you can choke him to death. Any smaller canid can be handled similarly. A wolverine will tear your ass UP. An american badger or a honey badger would do some major damage, but you’d probably kill him in the end although maimed for life. Other mustelids are probably safe to attack. I don’t think you’d be in trouble from any viverrids or procyonids, although you’d suffer nasty bites. That leaves the cats. Any cat half your weight or above will probably kill you. Grappling a cat would be problematic, since they will rip you with their backfeet. Goodbye small intestine. If you could somehow get them in a chokehold you might have a chance, but any cat over half your weight is going to be amazingly strong, fast, and agile. Many cats routinely kill prey many times their size. Anything bigger than a bobcat would probably kill you. Lynx, cougar, lion, leopard, jaguar, snow leopard, or tiger, say goodbye. Cheetah, caracal, clouded leopard, ocelot, serval, or anything in that size range and you have a fighting chance, although I wouldn’t give you more than 50-50 odds.

Other than that, kill away.

16

A man in Canada recently killed a bear using a three-inch knife. Of course, the man did have the advantage of a weapon, as well as that the bear was apparently in bad shape, if it had an empty stomach and had little body fat. My take on reading the story is that the bear attacked, not because of anything the man did, but because it was probably hungry and desperate. And the bear probably didn’t outmass him by much, if it all, and was about the same in height.

So, in my opinion, the man got lucky to some degree, and we see that humans can be pretty good fighters with even a simple weapon. I still wouldn’t want to take on a bear (dare I say it?) bare-handed.

17

I recall watching a Discovery Channel program where they talked about Indian elephants being known to just kneel on human beings to kill them… elephants aren’t dumb.

As for other large quadrapeds like bulls, oxen, elk, etc., well, I imagine you could grab a charging one by the head and wrestle it to the ground… much like Pedro Martinez did to Don Zimmer in game 3 of the ALCS… and then you might be in position to put a chokehold on it.

But I wouldn’t want to have to try it.

Personally, I’d look for a big rock or a stick or something and try and brain it.

18

Don’t kid yourself people- animals use fakes and feints. It doesn’t tke that much practice sparring for even some kittens and puppies before they lear some fakes.

19

Not really stronger. Stronger upper body. Weaker lower body. And indisputably much slower. The reason these animals are comparatively stronger is because of the leverage systems, but the trade off is between speed and power. Humans are much faster in the upper body. In a fight between a human and an ape I’d still put money on the ape, but I suspect that a trained fighter would pummel an ape into the ground. A good boxer could hit without ever worry about being hit. If the ape did grab hold the fight would be over.

People have fought and subdued wild horses and wild bulls unarmed for millenia. There are also numerous examples of people fighting off wild/feral pigs unarmed. These animals all tire very fast. They also have the problem that once you get a grip on their necks after they are exhausted they can do little about it. With the exception of the pig these things are not fighting animals. They survive by running away.

There have been a handful of cases in the past few years of people fighting off crocodiles in the water, so it’s not just a case of if you’re in the water you are dead. Here is a case of a child fighting off a croc.( http://www.igorilla.com/gorilla/animal/2000/crocodile_attack_fails.html). Usually if a person is attacked by a crocodile they will fight it off. Crocs don’t handle our body type very well. We don’t snap when we roll. Most people actually killed by crocodiles seem to be either sick or drunk at the time.

Granted there is a difference between fighting off and killing, but it’s hard in these cases to judge what would happen because it never does. The animals just won’t stand and fight in reality.

Not a chance. These things are pussys. People in Africa routinely caught wild ostriches for the feather industry by trapping them in large yards and then tackling them. It’s hilarious watching the footage. In a serious fight the ostrich will lose 99/100. They get one shot and that’s it. And although theoretically capable of disembowelling it almost never causes serious harm. Many people have been kicked by these birds and never even went down or required hospitalisation. If a man can get even a weak grip the fight is finished. Lightweight and without arms or teeth these things just can’t fight.

Not under the rules of the OP. My Granny could walk in there and pick up a snake then beat it to death by swinging it into the ground. Sure she’d die in an hours time, but that doesn’t matter. She still won under the rules.

Easy. Pick it up and hurl it into the ground as hard as possible. Do this repeatedly. The spines give some cushoning but it will pass out on the fifth or sixth bash. Then grab a rear leg and swing the head into the ground. There is nothing even slightly difficult about killing a hedgehog if you are prepared for the ouchies. Since the OP states that we can bleed to death after the fight, I don’t think a few splinter rates much.

Nah. The world’s deadliest jellyfish are caught barehanded by researchers daily. Just grab the bell and lift them from the water. It’s so safe they don’t even wear gloves.

I pull dozens of pufferfish off my lines every year and throw them in the water. They aren’t that poisonous that touching them will kill you. If one is attacking you then simple let it latch on and walk out of the water.

And yet people have fought off those animals barehanded and on occasion even killed them.

20

“My evolution includes a club” - Larry Niven.

I was just going to make this point. If you consider it fair, on the basis that we evolved as a tool using species, to make use of the environment where the fight is taking place, your odds go up immensely if you can get your hands on a nice, stout stick. A lot of animals that are going to rip you to shreds bare hands against teeth and claws could be clubbed silly without being able to close on you.